All in the Family featured the curmudgeonly Archie Bunker. Archie was television’s most famous grouch, blunt, blustering, straightforward and untouched by the PC crowd. He was the archetype of the conservative male. Michael desprately tried to reeducate him, but he persisted in his breviloquence.



Looking back at the last 40 years, we realize: ARCHIE WAS RIGHT!

12/20/2014

Commenting Update

Blogger is blaming the word verification on two things 1. A "fix" and 2. people who use software that filters 3 party cookies.  So if you think that you are entitled some small shred of internet privacy and don't want 3 party cookies, YOU ARE THE PROBELM, according to the internet Gestapo at Google.  We all know that Geeks can never be wrong, so any "feature" they decide you need, is a good thing, no matter how badly it sucks.

One of the forums I read in my effort to fix the "fix" says that you should be able to publish your comment without filling in the captcha box, even if the box appears.  I have changed the blog settings to accommodate this feature, but I have no way of testing it.

Would someone (maybe 3 or 4 of you) please try to post a comment without filling in the captcha and let me know if this is working.  I realize that if it isn't, you will actually have to fill in the captcha to let me know.  My thanks in advance.

Waterboy,  I believe you use a mobile device to surf most of the time.  Do you get the same commenting experience when using a desktop that you do with your phone?

12/19/2014

One Good Cop

The police get a bad rap.  Much of it deserved. The things that they do that they get the most attention for are the ones the media sensationalizes.  When that happens, more often than not the press gets it wrong.  Taking that into account though its hard to sympathize with the cops too much.  I don't know what percentage of the police are honest, good men doing a hard job verses how many shouldn't be trusted out in public unsupervised.  No matter what side of this debate you are one, I suspect you'd be surprised by the answer, if we knew it.

Every once in a while someone, probably by total accident, comes in contact with a good cop.  My brother had this happen late Wednesday night/Thursday morning.  He got pulled over taking the kids to see my folks.  The cop told him what he had observed about my brothers driving.  Then he told my brother that he was either drunk or tired.  My brother (not drunk) was advised to get a cup of coffee or maybe switch drivers with his wife.  Then the cop let him go.  He didn't even run his drivers license.

No real crime had occurred, no more of my brothers time was wasted than the 5 min for the stop.  All in all not a bad police encounter.

As we all know from watching the news, southern cops are nothing but redneck, low life, racist, cracker azz mo-fo's looking for any chance they can get to oppress a nigga.

Then I saw this story about a cop who decided not to make an arrest.
Tarrant Police officer delivered food to Helen Johnson, the grandmother caught stealing eggs at a Dollar General on Monday. Officer William Stacy responded to the scene and bought Johnson the eggs rather than arresting her. The act of kindness was caught on video and has become a viral sensation.
Tarrant is a suburb of Birmingham Alabama.  You may remember something about Birmingham and Dr. MLK.  So I guess we all know about these kind of white people.  I haven't seen anyone else say this so I'm going to.

Helen Johnson was a black women caught in the act of steeling.  She said she was steeling 5 eggs because she was 50 cents short of buying a dozen eggs and her grand children were hungry.  The store employees had called the police.  A white male cop showed up.  The store told him they weren't going to press charges for a pocket full of eggs.  All he had to do to fulfill his duty was escort her off the property.

If ABC/NBC/CBS or the Holder Justice Department was writing this story the next thing that happened would have been a beat down or a shooting. 

William Stacy isn't your normal stereotypical southern redneck (he is a normal redneck just like nearly everyone I've ever known).  Mr. Stacy went back in the store and bought her a dozen eggs.  Then the next day he showed up at Ms Johnson's house with two truck loads of groceries. 

Apparently officer Stacy missed the day they covered keeping the black man down at police academy.

I eagerly await the appearance of Al Sharpton, Jesse Jackson, Eric Holder or Barrack Obama at a press conference discussing the "situation" with the police and race relations in Alabama.

12/18/2014

Blog Comments

I'm trying something new with blog comments. 

Apparently you have no choice with Blogger on the word verification "option".  If you use a pop up window for comments you must have word verification.  This "feature" is built in and it doesn't matter what your settings are, it cannot be taken off.

I hate word verification.  I also hate that some of my regular readers are having their comments sent to the spam box.  Black, I'm sorry man.  I didn't know you were getting the shaft.  I'd never intentionally block your comments.  I normally don't block people who argue or disagree with me.  I certainly wouldn't block you.

Less than 2% of my readers choose to comment.  The word verification was becoming such a pain in the butt that even the 2% almost never comment anymore.  There is one comment method that Blogger allows (at least for now) me to not use word verification on.  I've decided to give that a go and see how it works out.

Please let me know what you think.  If for some reason you are still seeing word verification come up, please take the time to let me know.

Thanks

12/17/2014

BJW - More X-Mass

 




The very first Christmas gifts were NOT wrapped. This is because the people giving those gifts had two very important characteristics:
  1. They were wise.
  2. They were men.
- Dave Barry
 

It's beginning to cost a lot like Christmas.

So when someone ask you " Where is your Christmas Spirit?" is it so wrong to point out your liquor cabinet?

What I don’t like about office Christmas parties is looking for a new job the next day.

Christmas light displays are the freestyle rap battles of the suburbs.


It was slightly before Christmas. The trip went reasonably well, and I was ready to go back. The airport on the other end had turned a tacky red and green, and loudspeakers blared annoying elevator renditions of cherished Christmas carols. Being someone who took Christmas very seriously, and being slightly tired, I was not in a particularly good mood.

Going to check in my luggage, I saw hanging mistletoe.  Not real mistletoe, but very cheap plastic with red paint on it.

With a considerable degree of irritation and nowhere else to vent it, I said to the attendant, "Even if I were not married, I would not want to kiss you under such a ghastly mockery of mistletoe."

"Sir, look more closely at where the mistletoe is."

(pause)

"Ok, I see that it's above the luggage scale, which is the place you'd have to step forward for a kiss."

"That's not why it's there."

(pause)

"Ok, I give up. Why is it there?"

"It's there so you can kiss your luggage goodbye."
 
 

In a small Southern town there was a "Nativity Scene" that showed great skill and talent had gone into creating it. One small feature bothered me. The three wise men were wearing firemen's helmets. Totally unable to come up with a reason or explanation, I left.

At a "Quick Stop" on the edge of town, I asked the lady behind the  counter about the helmets. She exploded into a rage, yelling at me, "You Yankees never do read the Bible!" I assured her that I did, but simply couldn't recall anything about firemen in the Bible. She jerked her Bible from behind the counter and ruffled through some pages, and finally jabbed her finger at a passage.

Sticking it in my face she said, "See, it says right here, 'The three wise man came from afar.'"
 
 What do you call a bunch of Grandmasters of chess bragging about their games in a hotel lobby? Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer!

 
 
What does an electrician get for Christmas? Shorts.

12/16/2014

Hanukah

Trivia Question:

What religious holiday did Jesus celebrate that isn't initiated in scripture?

Hint: It's not Christmas.

That's right it's Hanukah!

Since I've been doing a set of BJW's for Christmas, and since I officially have 3 Jewish readers now, I think I should give them a little BJW Hanukah Cheer! 

Top 10 reasons to like Hanukkah                   

10. No roof damage from reindeer
9. Never a silent night when you're among your Jewish loved ones
8. If someone screws up on their gift, there are seven more days to correct it
7. Betting Hanukkah gelt (the chocholate coins) on candle races
6. You can use your fireplace
5. Naked spin-the-dreidel games
4. Fun waxy buildup on the menorah
3. No awkward explanations of virgin birth
2. Cheer optional
1. No Irving Berlin songs
 
(FWIW, Irving Berlin born Israel Isidore Beilin, was a Jew)
 
There is a Rock'n Hanukkah song!
 

 

The Grandmother

Last year, just before Hanukkah, Miriam, a grandmother was giving directions to her grown up grandson who was coming to visit with his wife. 'You come to the front door of the condominium complex.  I am in apartment 2B.'
 
Miriam continued, 'There is a big panel at the door.  With your elbow push button 2B. I will buzz you in. Come inside, the elevator is on the right.  Get in, and with your elbow hit 2.  When you get out I am on the left.  With your elbow, hit my doorbell.'
 
'Grandma, that sounds easy,' replied Jonathan, the grandson, 'but why am I hitting all these buttons with my elbow.'
 
To which she answered, 'You're coming to visit empty handed?'
 
 
Mary goes to the post office to buy stamps for her Hanukkah cards and she says to the cashier, 'May I have 50 Hanukkah stamps?'
 
The cashier says, 'What denomination?'
 
Miriam says, 'Oy vey, has it come to this? OK, give me 6 Orthodox, 12 Conservative, and 32 Reform.'
 

Rudi, The Village Rabbi: 

It was Hanukkah and the tiny village outside Budapest in Hungary was frightened that they may not have any latkes [pancakes] because they had run out of potatoes.
 
Rudi, the Rabbi, was called upon to help solve the problem. He said, 'Don't worry, you can substitute matzo meal for the flour, and the latkes will be just as delicious.'
 
Sarah looks to her husband and says, 'Samuel, you think it'll work?'
 
'Of course,' Samuel replies, 'Everybody knows Rudolph the Rab knows grain, dear.'
 

OY! Almost forgot, Another Hanukkah Song Part II


 
Xmas vrs. Chanukah
 
Now, if anyone asks you what the difference is between Xmas and Chanukah, you will know what and how to answer!

1. Xmas is one day, same day every year, December 25.
 
Jews also love December 25th. It's another paid day off work. We go to movies and out for Chinese food and Israeli dancing. Chanukah is 8 days. It starts the evening of the 24th of Kislev, whenever that falls. No one is ever sure.

Jews never know until a non-Jewish friend asks when Chanukah starts, forcing us to consult a calendar so we don't look like idiots. We all have the same calendar, provided free with a donation from the World Jewish Congress, the kosher butcher, or the local Sinai Memorial Chapel (especially in Florida) or other Jewish funeral home.

2. Christmas is a major holiday.

Chanukah is a minor holiday with the same theme as most Jewish holidays. They tried to kill us, we survived, let's eat.

3. Christians get wonderful presents such as jewelry, perfume, stereos...

Jews get practical presents such as underwear, socks, or the collected works of the Rambam, which looks impressive on the bookshelf.

4. There is only one way to spell Christmas.

No one can decide how to spell Chanukah, Chanukkah, Chanukka, Channukah, Hanukah, Hannukah, etc, so even if you are an illiterate klutz you can't go wrong.

5. Christmas is a time of great pressure for husbands and boyfriends. Their partners expect special gifts.  Jewish men are relieved of that burden. No one expects a diamond ring on Chanukah.
 
6. Christmas brings enormous electric bills.

Candles are used for Chanukah. Not only are we spared enormous electric bills, but we get to feel good about not contributing to the energy crisis.

7. Christmas carols are beautiful...Silent Night, Come All Ye Faithful....

Chanukah songs are about dreidels made from clay or having a party and dancing the hora. Of course, we are secretly pleased that many of the beautiful carols were composed and written by our tribal brethren. And don't Barbara Streisand and Neil Diamond sing them beautifully?

8. A home preparing for Christmas smells wonderful from sweet smell of cookies and cakes baking.

A home preparing for Chanukah smells of oil, potatoes, and onions. Jews burn their eyes and cut their hands grating potatoes and onions for latkes on Chanukah. Another reminder of our suffering through the ages. Unless of course you are in Israel where they celebrate by eating inedible cherry donuts call sufganiot.
 
9. Parents deliver presents to their children during Christmas.
 
Jewish parents have no qualms about withholding a gift on any of the eight nights.

10. The players in the Christmas story have easy to pronounce names such as Mary and Joseph.

The players in the Chanukah story are Antiochus, Judah Maccabee, and Matta-whatever. No one can spell it or pronounce it. On the plus side, we can tell our friends anything and they believe we are wonderfully versed in our history.

11. In recent years, Christmas has become more and more commercialized.

We save money on Chanukah, less gifts to buy, less to return, less junk to deal with, easier to sleep with.

Better to stick with Chanukah! 
 
Chanukah Songs that Never Quite Caught On
 
Oy to the World
 
Schlepping through a Winter Wonderland
 
Hava Negilah - The Megamix
 
Bubbie Yetta Got Run Over by a Reindeer
 
Enough with those facackennah Jingle Bells Already... Sheez!
 
Matzo Man (by the Lower East Side Village People)
 
I Have a Little Dreidel (the Barking Dog Version)
 
Come on Baby, Light My Menorah
 
Deck the Halls with Balls of Matzos
 
Silent Night? I Should Be So Lucky
 

Hanukah Song # 3


 
 
Don't blame me if Adam Sandler sings the best holiday songs you've got.  You could slipped Irving Berlin a couple of shekels back in the day and had some timeless classics too.

 


12/15/2014

Tis The Season

Every year we seem to have a flap somewhere in this country about what constitutes the proper amount of "Christ" as in Jesus Christ, to have in "Christ-Mass".  For me personally, I don't believe that Jesus was born on Dec 25.  However, the holiday has been celebrated for around 1,700 years as Dec 25th.

A tradition with over 1,700 years worth of human history behind it, is rare.  I can't think of any other holiday celebrated in the western world that compares, unless it is Easter.  Easter however has never achieved the commercial and social standing of Christmas.  The importance of the two events and the comparative religious impact isn't the point.  The point is that as a holiday celebrated by both non-Christians alike Christmas is king of the Holidays.  In America we don't have a bigger holiday than Christmas, we never have.

My guess is that most Americans celebrate Christmas as a non or nearly non-religious holiday.  I suspect that this is true for many Christians as well.  As a Christian I have never celebrated Christmas in a religious way.  I never attended a Christmas service, unless Christmas happened to be on a Sunday, until I got married.  My wife's family are C&E Lutherans, so I went.

In any event, Christmas, the Christmas Story and sporadic church attendance are dwarfed by Santa Claus and retail trade considerations.  If we are strictly analytical about it, Christmas is a largely made up holiday with its roots in Christian church traditions.  That is how we as a society see it, accept it, and practice it.

Look Closely at the Sign Outside of This Firehouse. Atheists Are Calling It ‘Exclusionary and Alienating’ — and Demanding Its Removal

A Christmas-themed sign outside of a firehouse in Utica, New York, is drawing the ire of atheists, who argue that its message poses a constitutional violation.
“About 20% of Utica citizens are nonreligious and others follow non-Christian faiths — and that includes Utica firefighters. The Utica Fire Department should not send them this exclusionary and alienating message,” Annie Laurie Gaylor, co-president of the Freedom From Religion Foundation, said in a statement. ”How would Brooks feel if his local government put up a sign saying, ‘Happy Birthday, Mohammed. We love you!’? This sign is equally inappropriate because government bodies should not take sides on religion.”
How would Brooks feel if his local government put up a sign saying, ‘Happy Birthday, Mohammed. We love you!’?

That's a fair question.  Of course it wouldn't matter one little bit.  In countries where the government puts up signs endorsing Islam, your feelings about it don't matter.  If you throw a tantrum about Islam being "Exclusionary and Alienating", they chop your head off.

Most Americans don't strike me as fundamentally religious.  That includes the ones who profess a religious preference.  If I was an atheist, I think I would pick Christianity as the religion I would want my society to be most influenced by.  Christians believe that to become a Christian you have to profess a faith in Jesus and that no one can make you "Christian" except, you.

That means that they might try to have a bible study with you.  They might even knock on your door and invite you to church.  They might (gasp) pray for you, or worse yet put up a sign saying "Happy Birthday Jesus" around the end of December. 

In a war of religions, the smart atheist, Jew, Hindu, Buddhist, etc should really consider backing the Christians over the Muslims.  Christians tend to do weird stuff like pot lucks and charity bazaars.  We don't make you go to our church, pray five times a day, or rape your wife and daughters for not believing. 

What would you rather do, open lots of presents, eat a big meal, have some pie, (or not its not like Christians have people who come around and make sure your tree is up the day after thanksgiving) or live under a repressive regime where you are obligated to kill everyone who doesn't agree with you?