All in the Family featured the curmudgeonly Archie Bunker. Archie was television’s most famous grouch, blunt, blustering, straightforward and untouched by the PC crowd. He was the archetype of the conservative male. Michael desprately tried to reeducate him, but he persisted in his breviloquence.

Looking back at the last 40 years, we realize: ARCHIE WAS RIGHT!


BJS - Irish Pun

An Irishman by the name of O'Mally proposed to his girl on St. Patrick's Day. He gave her a ring with a synthetic diamond. The excited young lass showed it to her father, a jeweler. He took one look at it and saw it wasn't real.

The young lass, on learning it wasn't real, returned to her future husband and protested vehemently about his cheapness.

"It was in honor of St. Patrick's Day," he smiled. "I gave you a sham rock."


President's Day

I was eating lunch on the 18th of February with my 10-year-old grandson and I asked him, "What day is tomorrow?"

He said, "It's President's Day!" He is a smart kid.

I asked, "What does President's Day mean?" I was waiting for something about Washington or Lincoln, etc.

He replied, "President's Day is when the President steps out of the White House. If he sees his shadow we have one more year of unemployment."

You know, it hurts when coffee spurts out your nose...


BJW - Valentine Puns

What do farmers give their wives on Valentine's Day?
A hog and kisses!

Why did the pig give his girlfriend a box of candy?
It was Valenswine's Day!

Do skunks celebrate Valentine's Day?
Sure, they're very scent-imental!

What did the French chef give his wife for Valentine's Day?
A hug and a quiche!

Liz: "I can't be your valentine for medical reasons."
Jon: "Really?"
Liz: "Yeah, you make me sick!"

What does a man who loves his car do on February 14?
He gives it a valenshine!

What did Frankenstein say to his girlfriend?
"Be my Valenstein!"

What did the chocolate syrup say to the ice cream?
"I'm sweet on you!"

Why didn't Cupid shoot his arrow at the lawyer's heart?
Because even Cupid can't hit a target that small.

What did the painter say to her boyfriend?
"I love you with all my art!"

What do squirrels give for Valentine's Day?

Why is lettuce the most loving vegetable?
Because it's all heart.

Why did the cannibal break up with his girlfriend?
She didn't suit his taste!

What did the stamp say to the envelope on Valentine's Day?
"I'm stuck on you!"

What did the paper clip say to the magnet?
I find you very attractive.

How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?
He gave her a ring.

Why did the banana go out with the prune?
Because it couldn't get a date.

What is a ram's favorite song on February 14th?
I only have eyes for ewe, dear.

What did the boy bird say to the girl bird on Valentine's Day?
Let me call you Tweet heart!

What happens when you fall in love with a French chef?
You get buttered up.

What kind of flowers do you never give on Valentine's Day?

What did the boy cat say to the girl cat on Valentine's Day?
You're purrr-fect for me!


BJW - A Blonde's Year in Review

Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight.

Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels..... Helllloooo!!!.......bottles won't fit in printer!!!

Got really excited.....finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months..... Box said ' 2-4 years!'

Trapped on escalator for hours ... Power went out!!!

Tried to make Kool Aid.....wrong instructions.... 8 cups of water won't fit into those little packets!!!

Tried to go water skiing....... Couldn't find a lake with a slope.

Lost breast stroke swimming competition..... Learned later, the other swimmers cheated, they used their arms!!!

Got locked out of my car in rain storm...... Car swamped because soft-top was open.

The capital of California is 'C'.....isn't it???

Hate M & M's..... They are so hard to peel.

Baked turkey for 4 1/2 days .... Instructions said 1 hour per pound and I weigh 108!!

Couldn't call 911. 'Duh'.....there's no 'eleven' button on the stupid phone!!!


BJW - The Harmonica

"Thanks for the harmonica you gave me for Christmas," little Joshua said to his uncle the first time he saw him after the holidays. "It's the best present I ever got."

"That's great," said his uncle. "Do you know how to play it?"

"Oh, I don't play it," the little fellow said. "My mom gives me a dollar a day not to play it during the day and my dad gives me five dollars a week not to play it at night.


Ground Up Soup

She wasn't sure what she was going to do.  The men were off at the camps.  The children were not allowed outside.  There wasn't much to do.  She could cry.  She should cry, certainly she deserved a good cry.  She wasn't going to cry, it wasn't her way.  She was going to do.

What to do?  The men, by which she meant her husband and oldest son, were at the camps, working and glad to have the work too.  She hadn't seen them in months.  That was the way of it.  The work was hard and travel was not something easy to do in Michigan's Upper Peninsula.  She was nearly out of money, even if she had been able to get to town through the blowing snow and cold.  The men had the horses and wagon.  She was nearly out of groceries, and tomorrow was Christmas.

What to do?  There were 12 children to feed.  She had a sack of potatoes, a basket of carrots, some onions and a slab of salt pork.  The water pump was froze.  Thankfully the snow was packing around the tar-paper shack.  It would help insulate against the cold.  Time to do.

Well, there was some floor and yeast.  At least she could start some bread.  How to feed so many mouths with so little food.  She had a meat grinder.  By design or accident, I've never been told, but the potatoes and onions, carrots and salt pork made their way into the grinder.  Snow was added and the whole kettle went on the wood stove.  As the snow melted, more was added until a large kettle of soup came to a slow boil.  Bread got baked and little mouths were fed.

That is why on my stove tonight there is a pot of ground up soup.  I'm not 100% sure if the woman in the tar-paper shack in Michigan's north woods was my great, great grandmother or my great, great, great grandmother.  Either way, over a hundred years ago tonight, a poor women with a lot of hungry little ones took what she had and made soup.

Every Christmas Eve of my life ground up soup was on the menu.  As a kid I hated it.  I called it gruel.  Twice, the first and second Christmases after I got married, I managed to avoid eating it.  Then something happened.  I discovered that Christmas isn't Christmas without that confounded soup.

This last week I was in a second hand store and saw an old hand crank grinder.  This afternoon I ground up the soup old school style.  Tomorrow there will be a fancy meal.  Tonight, I remember that when sky's are gray and the snow blows cold the important thing is to take what you have, and do.

Merry Christmas my friends!