All in the Family featured the curmudgeonly Archie Bunker. Archie was television’s most famous grouch, blunt, blustering, straightforward and untouched by the PC crowd. He was the archetype of the conservative male. Michael desprately tried to reeducate him, but he persisted in his breviloquence.

Looking back at the last 40 years, we realize: ARCHIE WAS RIGHT!


IQ Test

An IQ test question given to a banker, an electrician, and a politician was, "What term would you use to describe the problem that results when outflow exceeds inflow?" The banker wrote, "Overdraft." The electrician wrote, "Overload." The politician wrote, "What problem?"



Mary's fourth-grade homework assignment was to make sentences using the words in her spelling list, along with the definition. Coming across the word "frugal" in the list, she asked her father what it meant. He explained that being frugal meant you saved something. Her paper read: Frugal: to save Sentence: Maid Marion fell into a pit when she went walking in the woods so she yelled for someone to come get her out. She yelled "Frugal me, Frugal me!"


BJW More Camping

The famous detective Sherlock Holmes and his best friend and partner Dr. Watson decide to take a break from their latest crime-solving efforts and go camping. After setting up camp and settling down into their sleeping bags, they drift off to sleep. Sometime later, Sherlock asks: “Watson, are you awake?” “Yes,” he says. “Look up at the stars and tell me: What can you deduce from them?” Sherlock asks. Watson thinks for some time before responding: “While someone may be able to number them, the stars are, for all intents and purposes, countless. Given the sheer number of them, it is reasonable to assume that some are suns circled by planets, some of which may be very like our own. There is a chance, however small, that there is life on at least one of those, meaning that we are not alone in the universe.” Holmes sighs: “Watson, you dolt. Someone’s taken our tent!”


Hello All

Just a quick update from the home front.  I'm still working out of town and trying to sell one house so I can buy another.  Every other weekend or so I come home to see the family.  This is one of my trips home.

I'll be taking off again in about an hour, but I wanted to say hey.  At some point I'll break down and get internet service in the new town, but for now I'm not bothering.  If it wasn't for the two year contracts everyone wants you to sign I'd do it.  For now it doesn't make sense to get internet and not know if I'm going to have to pay a big cancelation fee when I change from my apartment to a house.

I took a few minutes and stocked up the BJW queue so there are some posts on tap.

I hope you all are having a great summer! Take care.


BJW Camp

A man went to a psychiatrist complaining of an identity crisis. “You have to help me,” he said. “Sometimes I’m a yurt. Other times I’m a tipi. It gets to be too much! I’m a yurt! I’m a tipi! I’m a yurt! I’m a tipi!” “Calm down,” the doctor told him. “You just need to relax. You’re two tents.”

Two hikers making their way through bear country come around a corner to spot their worst fear: a grizzly. Without pausing a fraction of a second, one of the hikers takes off running, prompting the bear to charge. Forced into action, the second hiker turns and sprints after the first. “What were you thinking?” he shouts. “You’re not supposed to run in a situation like this. You can’t outrun a bear!” “I don’t have to outrun the bear,” his friend shouts back over his shoulder. “I just have to outrun you.”

A dad coming back to his campsite for sunscreen while the rest of his family plays at the lake notices a van pulling up into a neighboring empty site. As soon as the engine dies, the doors fly open and four children of varying ages burst out and fly into a frenzy of activity. Their parents follow quickly behind them, with the mom and dad unloading gear as the kids rake the area, set up the tent, and arrange the fire pit. Amazed at their efficiency, the dad with the sunscreen walks over and watches for a moment more before commenting to his fellow father, “I’ve never seen a family work so well together—or so fast.” “Yeah,” the other dad says while unrolling a sleeping bag. “We live a few hours away, and our policy is that nobody gets to go to the bathroom after the drive until the camp us set up.”

Where do park rangers go to get away from it all?


Of Trump

I wasn't sure what to make of Trump when he was a candidate.  To me Trump seems crass, loud and every bit a New Yorker.  Those characteristics rub me the wrong way.  That was when he was one candidate among many.  Frankly I didn't like anyone the Republicans were running.  It seemed as if the Republican establishment was in the bag for Clinton.  Still does. 

The election came down to obnoxious verses evil.  That was a no brainier.  Of the two choices, Trump was clearly not as bad for the country humanity.

At election time I found myself saying two things about Trump:
  1. He's the only one even saying the right things, and
  2. We'll see what he does when he gets in.
Trump was the only person saying things we all know about the country being in trouble.  The. Only. One. Anyplace.  When the media shut him out, he used Twitter.  When they reported on what horrible or stupid thing he tweeted, most normal Americans saw it and said, "SO FREEKING WHAT!". 

Trump's not polished.  Neither is most of America.  Trump said what he thought.  If it came out sounding a little crass, at least it was genuine.  Media Whores who were using the news to campaign for Hillary pretended Trump's faux pas  were a big deal.  They said people were offended. Joe Six Pack didn't care.  Know why?  His B.S. detector didn't go off every time Trump opened his pie hole.

Can you say that about the Lizard Queen?

Trump, in some locker room setting, where he thought he was in private, with a bunch of guys, said something about if you are rich enough and famous enough that women don't mind if you grab their pussy. 

I never got what the problem was.  What's the big deal?  If you have lots of money and/or are otherwise famous/popular/desirable in some way to some faction of the female population, chances are, pussy is coming your way.  Is anybody on planet earth surprised by this?  What if Trump framed it the other way?  "Hey guys if you're fat, bald, broke, you ain't gonna be banging many supper models". 

CNN should have reported, "Trump claims the sky is blue".

What was weird about that whole deal was some guy was running tape on other guys in a locker room.  What kind of whack job does that?

What's he gonna do now that he has the big chair?  I don't know.  It's been a mixed bag so far.  Now, do I blame him for that?  Nope.  Every time I turn around the Republicans are stabbing the Donald in the back.

Take Obama Care.  How many times did the house Republicans pass legislation overturning it when Obama was in the White House?  Yet these same clowns can't dust off an old copy of the same law and send it up to Trump.

From my seat, far away from Sodom on Potomac, it seems like Trump is still saying the right things, and it looks like he keeps trying to do the right things.  If you don't think that what he is attempting to do is in fact "the right thing", fine.  He is trying to do what he said he believed was the right thing when he was running for office.  That is so outrageously novel it has my respect.

How many of those things will he get done?  I don't know.

What I do know is Trump is doing more to move the country towards doing the right things than anyone since Ronaldus Maximus.  Another thing I know, Hillary Clinton isn't the President of the United States.
That fact alone is worth the price of admission to the Trump years.


Dinner Guest

A man and a woman were having dinner in a fine restaurant.

Their waitress, taking another order at a table a few paces away
noticed that the man was slowly sliding down his chair and under
the table, with the woman acting unconcerned. The waitress
watched as the man slid all the way down his chair and out of
sight under the table.

Still, the woman dining across from him appeared calm and
unruffled, apparently unaware that her dining companion had
disappeared. After the waitress finished taking the order, she
came over to the table and said to the woman, "Pardon me, ma'am,
but I think your husband just slid under the table."

The woman calmly looked up at her and replied firmly, "No, he
didn't. He just walked in the door."


Too Lazy to Think Up a Post

I'm on vacation this week. 

So I'm shamelessly ripping off other peoples memes.


Hard to Believe

It's hard to believe that 6 weeks have gone by since I recovered My Blogger Account. All I have to show for it in that time is several BJW's that I uploaded when I was home to fill the queue. Even those are almost out.

I'm still living in a different part of the state almost 400 miles from my family. Since last Friday I managed to work probably better than 60 hrs. Not bad for a banker. All that hard work has paid off. I'm now enjoying this entire next week at home with my family.

My daughter has reminded me that we haven't had a date this month. That's happening after I get off the computer. My son has designs on every fish in the state. Mrs Ipsa and I have plans for later in the week. We'll be 20 years married come Wednesday.

I have several blog posts that I've composed in my head, none of which have made it into writing yet. Maybe being back at home I'll get some time to type them up.

  I wish you and yours a great Memorial Weekend! May the kick off to summer find you with friends and family and a BBQ grill close to hand.


Indian Math

An Native American chief had three wives, each of whom was pregnant...

The first gave birth to a boy. The chief was so elated that he built her a teepee made of deer hide.

A few days later, the second gave birth, also to a boy. The chief was very happy. He built her a teepee made of antelope hide.

The third wife gave birth a few days later, but the chief kept the details a secret. He built this one a two story teepee, made out of a hippopotamus hide. The chief then challenged the tribe to guess what had occurred.

Many tried, unsuccessfully. Finally, one young brave declared that the third wife had given birth to twin boys.

"Correct," said the chief. "How did you figure it out?"

The warrior answered, "It's elementary. The value of the squaw of the hippopotamus is equal to the sons of the squaws of the other two hides."


A Pun A Day

In the great desert lived a bunch of nomads.

Their leader, Benny, had risen to his rank, due to his magnificent beard. His people believed a man's strength and courage came from his beard, and thus the man with the biggest beard was their chief.

After leading the band for many years, Benny began to feel uncomfortable wearing the beards, in this hot and dusty land. He wanted to shave it off, so he called his council together to get their advice.

When he said he wanted to shave, the councilmen were shocked. One said, "Do you now remember the ancient legend, dire? The leader who removes his beard is cursed and made into a piece of earthenware."

Benny had heard this legend, but being a modern man, he scoffed at the tale.

Being headstrong, he went ahead and cut and scraped away his once magnificent beard. As the final whisker was cut off, a huge dust storm came up. It lasted only a few seconds, and when it cleared, there was a man-sized clay vessel where only moments before had stood their leader.

The council then knew the legend must be true. Their conclusion? "A Benny shaved is a Benny urned."


Long but Worth it

The world's leading expert on European wasps walks into a record shop...

He asks the assistant “Do you have ‘European Vespidae Acoustics Volume 2? I believe it was released this week.”

“Certainly,” replies the assistant. “Would you like to listen before you buy it?”

 "That would be wonderful," says the expert, and puts on a pair of headphones.

He listens for a few moments and says to the assistant, “I'm terribly sorry, but I am the world's leading expert on European wasps and this is not accurate at all. I don't recognize any of those sounds. Are you sure this is the correct recording?”

The assistant checks the turntable, and replies that it is indeed European Vespidae Acoustics Volume 2. The assistant apologizes and lifts the needle onto the next track.

Again the expert listens for a few moments and then says to the assistant, "No, this just can't be right! I've been an expert in this field for 43 years and I still don't recognize any of these sounds."

 The assistant apologizes again and lifts the needle to the next track.

The expert throws off the headphones as soon as it starts playing and is fuming with rage.

"This is outrageous false advertising! I am the world's leading expert on European wasps and no European wasp has ever made a sound like the ones on this record!"

The manager of the shop overhears the commotion and walks over.

"What seems to be the problem, sir?"

"This is an outrage! I am the world's leading expert on European wasps. Nobody knows more about them than I do. There is no way in hell that the sounds on that record were made by European wasps!"

The manager glances down and notices the problem instantly.

"I'm terribly sorry, sir. It appears we've been playing you the bee side."


Personal Update

Farmer Tom gave me a call yesterday to see what I was up to, and to invite me to join the group on Face Book.  He asked how I was and how I was doing.  Then  a customer came in and I had to get back to work.

The short version is that I started a new job six months ago.  It's in a different town almost 400 miles from home.  We've been trying to sell our house but where we live now there are lots of homes for sale and not a lot of buyers.

The new job is great!  I haven't lost my touch.  I like not working with crazy people.  I've been greatly blessed and Mrs. Ipsa is able to stay home full time and home school.

The original plan was that the house would sell quickly and we'd have a new place.  To keep my expenses low, I rented a cheap apartment.  There is no TV or phone or internet in my apartment because I didn't want to sign a contract.  I don't have the luxury of a non-monitored internet at work.  I doubt my IT guy spends a lot of time checking up, but they let it be know that he can.  No blogging on the clock for me.

I'm home this weekend.  It's supposed to get into the low 80's today.  My son is nuts about fishing and I think there will be at least some mayfly hatches this afternoon.  In a little bit we are getting back in the truck (I just got home last night) and taking another drive.  I'm hoping he'll connect with some browns.


Train Drain

So there was this man in Bulgaria who drove trains for a living...

He loved his job. Driving a train had been his dream ever since he was a child. He loved to make the train go as fast as possible. Unfortunately, one day he was a little too reckless and caused a crash. He made it out, but a single person died. Well, needless to say, he went to court over this incident. He was found guilty, and was sentenced to death by electrocution. When the day of the execution came, he requested a single banana as his last meal. After eating the banana, he was strapped into the electric chair. The switch was flown, sparks flew, and smoke filled the air - but nothing happened. The man was perfectly fine.

Well, at the time, there was an old Bulgarian law that said a failed execution was a sign of divine intervention, so the man was allowed to go free. Somehow, he managed to get his old job back driving the train. Having not learned his lesson at all, he went right back to driving the train with reckless abandon. Once again, he caused a train to crash, this time killing two people. The trial went much the same as the first, resulting in a sentence of execution. For his final meal, the man requested two bananas. After eating the bananas, he was strapped into the electric chair. The switch was thrown, sparks flew, smoke filled the room - and the man was once again unharmed.

Well, this of course meant that he was free to go. And once again, he somehow managed to get his old job back. To what should have been the surprise of no one, he crashed yet another train and killed three people. And so he once again found himself being sentenced to death. On the day of his execution, he requested his final meal: three bananas.

"You know what? No," said the executioner. "I've had it with you and your stupid bananas and walking out of here unharmed. I'm not giving you a thing to eat; we're strapping you in and doing this now." Well, it was against protocol, but the man was strapped in to the electric chair without a last meal. The switch was pulled, sparks flew, smoke filled the room - and the man was still unharmed. The executioner was speechless.

The man looked at the executioner and said, "Oh, the bananas had nothing to do with it. I'm just a bad conductor."


Trump Jokes

How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?
By renaming it Trump University.

What airline does Donald Trump aspire to fly?
Hair Force One!

If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?
The Trump Card

What do you call a public servant who doesn't take crap from Republicans or Democrats?
Donald Trump.

Why are Muslims worried about Trumps immigration plans?
Once you deport Juan you deport Jamal.

Did you hear about the first executive bill that newly elected Trump passed, called the American telephone act?

You no longer have to press 2 for English.

Jeb Bush: "My brother kept us safe".

Donald Trump: "Yeah, from 9/11, Katrina, the Great Recession, and thousands of amputations from IEDs after illegally invading Iraq without an exit strategy."

There was absolute chaos on Capitol Hill this morning as Donald Trump signed an executive order changing the National Anthem to "ICE ICE Baby...".

Trump: "Foreign Policy?, if you mess with the United States, there will be hell toupee."


BJW Chuck Style

Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.

Big foot claims he saw Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris can hear sign language.

Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack... even a heart isn't foolish enough to attack Chuck Norris.

Jack was nimble, Jack was quick, but Jack still couldn't dodge Chuck Norris' roundhouse kick.

Chuck Norris once fought superman. The loser had to wear his underwear over his pants.

Chuck can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.

Chuck Norris can build a snowman out of rain.

Bill Gates lives in constant fear that Chuck Norris' PC will crash.

Chuck Norris's Blood Type is AK-47.


After Work

So, I've got a new job.  I'm living in a new town.  Things are pretty good. I'm not saying that there are a lot of Mormons where I'm at now, but I'm hanging out with the uncle of two of the wives from the TV show "Sister Wives" after work tonight.



In Other News

BJW is Back.

I've managed to get a few BJW posts into the queue.  Even if I don't get a good string of posts going ya'll will have something to drop by for.

You're welcome.


He's Back!

Blogger has decided to unlock my account!

It only took nearly two years. 

Since last July, and it was July, I had some BJW's in the queue, a lot has happened.  I'm back to being a banker.  Business is good.  I'm trying to sell my house so I can move.  The wife and Kids are doing fine, but we are all living in different towns while we attempt to sell one house to buy another one.

Thanks for all the calls and emails that you all have sent.  With any luck, I'll start publishing on a regular basis again ASAP.