"That's great," said his uncle. "Do you know how to play it?"
"Oh, I don't play it," the little fellow said. "My mom gives me a dollar a day not to play it during the day and my dad gives me five dollars a week not to play it at night.
12/26/2018
BJW - The Harmonica
"Thanks for the harmonica you gave me for Christmas,"
little Joshua said to his uncle the first time he saw him after the
holidays. "It's the best
present I ever got."
"That's great," said his uncle. "Do you know how to play it?"
"Oh, I don't play it," the little fellow said. "My mom gives me a dollar a day not to play it during the day and my dad gives me five dollars a week not to play it at night.
"That's great," said his uncle. "Do you know how to play it?"
"Oh, I don't play it," the little fellow said. "My mom gives me a dollar a day not to play it during the day and my dad gives me five dollars a week not to play it at night.
12/24/2018
Ground Up Soup
She wasn't sure what she was going to do. The men were off at the camps. The children were not allowed outside. There wasn't much to do. She could cry. She should cry, certainly she deserved a good cry. She wasn't going to cry, it wasn't her way. She was going to do.
What to do? The men, by which she meant her husband and oldest son, were at the camps, working and glad to have the work too. She hadn't seen them in months. That was the way of it. The work was hard and travel was not something easy to do in Michigan's Upper Peninsula. She was nearly out of money, even if she had been able to get to town through the blowing snow and cold. The men had the horses and wagon. She was nearly out of groceries, and tomorrow was Christmas.
What to do? There were 12 children to feed. She had a sack of potatoes, a basket of carrots, some onions and a slab of salt pork. The water pump was froze. Thankfully the snow was packing around the tar-paper shack. It would help insulate against the cold. Time to do.
Well, there was some floor and yeast. At least she could start some bread. How to feed so many mouths with so little food. She had a meat grinder. By design or accident, I've never been told, but the potatoes and onions, carrots and salt pork made their way into the grinder. Snow was added and the whole kettle went on the wood stove. As the snow melted, more was added until a large kettle of soup came to a slow boil. Bread got baked and little mouths were fed.
That is why on my stove tonight there is a pot of ground up soup. I'm not 100% sure if the woman in the tar-paper shack in Michigan's north woods was my great, great grandmother or my great, great, great grandmother. Either way, over a hundred years ago tonight, a poor women with a lot of hungry little ones took what she had and made soup.
Every Christmas Eve of my life ground up soup was on the menu. As a kid I hated it. I called it gruel. Twice, the first and second Christmases after I got married, I managed to avoid eating it. Then something happened. I discovered that Christmas isn't Christmas without that confounded soup.
This last week I was in a second hand store and saw an old hand crank grinder. This afternoon I ground up the soup old school style. Tomorrow there will be a fancy meal. Tonight, I remember that when sky's are gray and the snow blows cold the important thing is to take what you have, and do.
Merry Christmas my friends!
What to do? The men, by which she meant her husband and oldest son, were at the camps, working and glad to have the work too. She hadn't seen them in months. That was the way of it. The work was hard and travel was not something easy to do in Michigan's Upper Peninsula. She was nearly out of money, even if she had been able to get to town through the blowing snow and cold. The men had the horses and wagon. She was nearly out of groceries, and tomorrow was Christmas.
What to do? There were 12 children to feed. She had a sack of potatoes, a basket of carrots, some onions and a slab of salt pork. The water pump was froze. Thankfully the snow was packing around the tar-paper shack. It would help insulate against the cold. Time to do.
Well, there was some floor and yeast. At least she could start some bread. How to feed so many mouths with so little food. She had a meat grinder. By design or accident, I've never been told, but the potatoes and onions, carrots and salt pork made their way into the grinder. Snow was added and the whole kettle went on the wood stove. As the snow melted, more was added until a large kettle of soup came to a slow boil. Bread got baked and little mouths were fed.
That is why on my stove tonight there is a pot of ground up soup. I'm not 100% sure if the woman in the tar-paper shack in Michigan's north woods was my great, great grandmother or my great, great, great grandmother. Either way, over a hundred years ago tonight, a poor women with a lot of hungry little ones took what she had and made soup.
Every Christmas Eve of my life ground up soup was on the menu. As a kid I hated it. I called it gruel. Twice, the first and second Christmases after I got married, I managed to avoid eating it. Then something happened. I discovered that Christmas isn't Christmas without that confounded soup.
This last week I was in a second hand store and saw an old hand crank grinder. This afternoon I ground up the soup old school style. Tomorrow there will be a fancy meal. Tonight, I remember that when sky's are gray and the snow blows cold the important thing is to take what you have, and do.
Merry Christmas my friends!
12/23/2018
PSA - Church Item
I know that this is the only Sunday many Americans go to church during the year; so as a PSA...
Signs Your Church Has Sold Out to Corporate Sponsors
- Nike "swoosh" on the cross
- Communion now sponsored by Welch's Grape Juice
- In Christmas play, Joseph seen with a pack of Luckies
- Greeters all dressed like Mr. Goodwrench
- Personal pew licenses now sold
- Baptismals include dolphin show from Sea World
- Statue of Mary seen holding keys to a Jeep
- Holy water spiked with Diet Pepsi
- The 12 disciples replaced by Disney characters
- Luxury pews with wet bar and satellite TV
- Scripture verses brought to you by Microsoft
- Bulletin has coupon section
- The holy water font has Perrier
- In the restrooms, an attendant hands you a towel
- There is a credit card swiper on the collection plate
- Offering envelopes bearing Visa or Mastercard emblems on them
- Handicap parking sponsored by the Family Medical Group, LLC
- Wednesday night suppers sponsored by KFC
- Sunday morning televised services sponsored by the FOX network
- Church vans traded in for Ford Broncos
- Church bell chimes to the tune of the NBC chimes
- Choir robes with the Lands' End emblem on front
- Sunday bulletins with the CNN logo
- Church flag football team sponsored by the NFL
- Communion now sponsored by Welch's Grape Juice
- In Christmas play, Joseph seen with a pack of Luckies
- Greeters all dressed like Mr. Goodwrench
- Personal pew licenses now sold
- Baptismals include dolphin show from Sea World
- Statue of Mary seen holding keys to a Jeep
- Holy water spiked with Diet Pepsi
- The 12 disciples replaced by Disney characters
- Luxury pews with wet bar and satellite TV
- Scripture verses brought to you by Microsoft
- Bulletin has coupon section
- The holy water font has Perrier
- In the restrooms, an attendant hands you a towel
- There is a credit card swiper on the collection plate
- Offering envelopes bearing Visa or Mastercard emblems on them
- Handicap parking sponsored by the Family Medical Group, LLC
- Wednesday night suppers sponsored by KFC
- Sunday morning televised services sponsored by the FOX network
- Church vans traded in for Ford Broncos
- Church bell chimes to the tune of the NBC chimes
- Choir robes with the Lands' End emblem on front
- Sunday bulletins with the CNN logo
- Church flag football team sponsored by the NFL
12/19/2018
BJW - Church Job
A handyman, who was working for a Synagogue, had asked for a raise and was turned down. He decided to quit and went out to
look for work.
First, he went to a Catholic church and was told that
in order to work there he would have to answer one question. The priest
asked,
"Where was Jesus born?"
The man answered, "Pittsburgh," and was thrown out on his ear.
He then went to a Baptist church. The minister told
him that in order to get a job there, he would have to answer a
question. He was
asked, "Where was Jesus born?"
The man answered, "Philadelphia." He was promptly tossed out.
Walking away he met the rabbi who was looking for him. The rabbi exclaimed, "The board approved your raise. Please come back
immediately."
The man said to the rabbi, "I will come back only if you answer a question. Where was Jesus born?"
The rabbi says, "Bethlehem."
"Of course!" cried the man. "I knew it was in Pennsylvania."
12/12/2018
BJW - The Donald
The Donald is walking out of the White House and heading toward his limo, when a possible assassin steps forward and aims a gun.
A secret service agent, new on the job, shouts, "Mickey Mouse!" This startles the would be assassin, and he is captured.
Later, the secret service agent's supervisor takes him aside and asks, "What in the heck made you shout Mickey Mouse?"
Blushing, the agent replies, "I got nervous. I meant to shout, "Donald, duck!"
A secret service agent, new on the job, shouts, "Mickey Mouse!" This startles the would be assassin, and he is captured.
Later, the secret service agent's supervisor takes him aside and asks, "What in the heck made you shout Mickey Mouse?"
Blushing, the agent replies, "I got nervous. I meant to shout, "Donald, duck!"
12/05/2018
Yeah, So?
All the lamestream media wants is a shot, any shot, no matter how cheap or irrelevant at Trump. Apparently Trump, the same guy who made his money building casinos and banging models, isn't "Christian" enough for our American media. I never thought he was a Christian or that faith was an important part of Donald Trump's life. Did anyone else? Seriously, did you?
Donald, Melania Trump Don't Recite Apostles' Creed or Sing Hymns Unlike Obamas, Clintons at George H.W. Bush Funeral
So freaking what? Since when did CNN become concerned about the intricacies of "Christian" funeral services? Guess what. I've gone to church and to church funerals for over 45 years. Never once have I recited the Apostles Creed, either in church or at a funeral. I'm sure lots of folks have, because their denomination does it that way. I'm also sure that lots of other folks haven't. It's not a big deal, to any Christian I know.
The way the media is freaking out you'd think Trump was doing the Macarena during the eulogy. Obama knew the words, the Clintons knew the words. They sang a hymn. Our first Muslim president is a better Christian than Trump. Blah, Blah, Blah.
There are a lot of people who are better Christians than Trump. The same thing could be said of me or of you, or of just about anybody. It's the height of hypocrisy for the news media, arguably as anti-Christian an industry as there is, to complain about a man not reciting a creed that not all Christians profess, and not signing a hymn at a funeral.
I've been to funerals preformed at different churches. If I don't know what to do, I sit, stand or kneel along with everyone else. If I don't know the words to what they are reciting or singing or praying I'm quite and respectful. Which is what I saw Trump doing in that video. It's what I would have done. I'd bet that its what most every other polite person in America would have done in the same situation.
No mater what would have happened at Bush's funeral, Trump would have been the target of fake news mud slinging.
Donald, Melania Trump Don't Recite Apostles' Creed or Sing Hymns Unlike Obamas, Clintons at George H.W. Bush Funeral
CNN commentator Keith Boykin posted a clip of the moment, writing about Trump alongside the video: "This is your 'Christian' evangelical president."
So freaking what? Since when did CNN become concerned about the intricacies of "Christian" funeral services? Guess what. I've gone to church and to church funerals for over 45 years. Never once have I recited the Apostles Creed, either in church or at a funeral. I'm sure lots of folks have, because their denomination does it that way. I'm also sure that lots of other folks haven't. It's not a big deal, to any Christian I know.
The way the media is freaking out you'd think Trump was doing the Macarena during the eulogy. Obama knew the words, the Clintons knew the words. They sang a hymn. Our first Muslim president is a better Christian than Trump. Blah, Blah, Blah.
There are a lot of people who are better Christians than Trump. The same thing could be said of me or of you, or of just about anybody. It's the height of hypocrisy for the news media, arguably as anti-Christian an industry as there is, to complain about a man not reciting a creed that not all Christians profess, and not signing a hymn at a funeral.
I've been to funerals preformed at different churches. If I don't know what to do, I sit, stand or kneel along with everyone else. If I don't know the words to what they are reciting or singing or praying I'm quite and respectful. Which is what I saw Trump doing in that video. It's what I would have done. I'd bet that its what most every other polite person in America would have done in the same situation.
No mater what would have happened at Bush's funeral, Trump would have been the target of fake news mud slinging.
BJW - Medical
Fred was unfortunate enough to be hit by a 10-ton truck
and landed up in hospital in intensive care. His best friend Morris came
to visit him.
Fred struggles to tell Morris, "My wife Sally visits me three times a day. She's so good to me. Every day, she reads to me at the bedside."
"What does she read?"
"My life insurance policy."
Modern Medicine
Modern medicine has come up with some great new stuff to make life easier...
St. Mom's Wort -- Plant extract that treats Mom's depression by rendering preschoolers unconscious for up to six hours.
Empty Nestrogen -- Highly effective suppository that eliminates melancholy by enhancing the memory of how awful they were as teenagers and how you couldn't wait til they moved out.
Flipitor -- Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling road rage and the urge to flip off other drivers.
Antiboyotics -- When administered to teenage girls, is highly effective in improving grades, freeing up phone lines and reducing money spent on make-up.
Menicillin -- Potent antiboyotic for older women. Increases resistance to such lines as, "You make me want to be a better person..."
Buyagra -- Injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping. Increases potency and duration of spending spree.
Extra Strength Buy-one-all -- Caution, when combined with Buyagra, can cause an indiscriminate buying frenzy so severe the victim may even come home with a Donnie Osmond CD or a book by Dr. Laura.
Jack Asspirin -- Relieves the headache caused by a man who can't remember your birthday, anniversary or phone number.
Anti-talksident -- A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on anyone too eager to share their life stories with total strangers.
Ragaman -- When administered to a husband, provides the same irritation as ragging on him all weekend, saving the wife the time and trouble of doing it herself.
Miracle Cure?
Doctor Bloomfield, who was known for extraordinary treatment of
arthritis, had a waiting room full of people when a little old lady,
almost bent over
in half, shuffled in slowly, leaning on her cane. When her turn came,
she went into the doctor's office and, amazingly, emerged within 5
minutes
walking completely erect with her head held high.
A woman in the waiting room who had seen all this rushed up to the little old lady and said, "It's a miracle! You walked in bent in half and now you're walking erect. What did that doctor do?"
"Gave me a longer cane."
Fred struggles to tell Morris, "My wife Sally visits me three times a day. She's so good to me. Every day, she reads to me at the bedside."
"What does she read?"
"My life insurance policy."
St. Mom's Wort -- Plant extract that treats Mom's depression by rendering preschoolers unconscious for up to six hours.
Empty Nestrogen -- Highly effective suppository that eliminates melancholy by enhancing the memory of how awful they were as teenagers and how you couldn't wait til they moved out.
Flipitor -- Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling road rage and the urge to flip off other drivers.
Antiboyotics -- When administered to teenage girls, is highly effective in improving grades, freeing up phone lines and reducing money spent on make-up.
Menicillin -- Potent antiboyotic for older women. Increases resistance to such lines as, "You make me want to be a better person..."
Buyagra -- Injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping. Increases potency and duration of spending spree.
Extra Strength Buy-one-all -- Caution, when combined with Buyagra, can cause an indiscriminate buying frenzy so severe the victim may even come home with a Donnie Osmond CD or a book by Dr. Laura.
Jack Asspirin -- Relieves the headache caused by a man who can't remember your birthday, anniversary or phone number.
Anti-talksident -- A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on anyone too eager to share their life stories with total strangers.
Ragaman -- When administered to a husband, provides the same irritation as ragging on him all weekend, saving the wife the time and trouble of doing it herself.
A woman in the waiting room who had seen all this rushed up to the little old lady and said, "It's a miracle! You walked in bent in half and now you're walking erect. What did that doctor do?"
"Gave me a longer cane."
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