All in the Family featured the curmudgeonly Archie Bunker. Archie was television’s most famous grouch, blunt, blustering, straightforward and untouched by the PC crowd. He was the archetype of the conservative male. Michael desprately tried to reeducate him, but he persisted in his breviloquence.



Looking back at the last 40 years, we realize: ARCHIE WAS RIGHT!

8/10/2016

BJW -- Summer

What did the pig say on a hot summer day? – I’m bacon!

Why do bananas use sunscreen? – Because they peel.

Why are gulls named seagulls? – If they were by the bay, they’d be bagels.

Why don’t oysters share their pearls? – Because they’re shellfish.

Which letter is the coolest? – Iced t.

What do you call a snowman in July? – A puddle.

What do sheep do on sunny days? – Have a baa-baa-cue.

What did one tide pool say to the other tide pool?- Show me your mussels
.
What do you call a fish with no eyes? – A fsh.

What happens when you throw a green rock into the Red Sea? – It gets wet.

What does a bee do when it is hot? – He takes off his yellow jacket. 

What holds the sun up in the sky? – Sunbeams.

What race is never run? – A swimming race.

When do you go at red and stop at green? – When you’re eating a watermelon.

Why did the man love his barbecue? – Because it was the grill of his dreams.

What is the best day to go to the beach? – SUNday.

What does the sun drink out of? – Sunglasses.

What did the ocean say to the sailboat? – Nothing it just waved.

8/03/2016

BJW -- Softball

How many softball players does it take to change a lightbulb?
None. They're too busy arguing the last call.

When does royalty watch softball?
During knight games.

What does a softball player do when she loses her eyesight?
Become an umpire.

What does a softball pitcher and a professional bowler have in common?
They both know how to throw a strike.

Why did the pastry chef hire a softball pitcher?
Because she knew how to handle the batter.

Why are frogs great outfielders?
They never miss a fly.

Why doesn't Michael Jackson like softball?
The balls are too big.

What goes all the way around the softball field but doesn't move?
The fence.

What do you call a cheerleader who plays softball?
Babe Root.

What is the difference between a softball player and a baby?
The baby will stop whining after awhile.

Why was the pig ejected from the softball game?
For playing dirty.

How do softball players sing acapella?
In Perfect Pitch.

What did the glove say to the ball?
Catch ya later.

Why don't orphans play softball?
Because they don't know where home is.

Q: Why can't you play softball in the jungle?
A: Because there are too many cheetahs.

Why is it so hard to steal third base?
Because you have to go through a short stop.

Why are skanks good at softball?
Because they know how to hit, run, and steal.

Why are frogs great outfielders?
They never miss a fly.

Why did the cops go to the softball game?
Because they heard someone was stealing a base.

What was the frog doing on the softball field?
Catching flies.

Why did Cinderella get kicked off the softball team?
Because she ran away from the ball.

Why is an umpire like an angry chicken?
They both have foul mouths.

Why do girls like softball?
It's the only sport played on a diamond.

What's the difference between a pick pocket and an umpire?
One steals watches and the other watches steals.

Did you hear the softball joke?
It will leave you in stitches.

Learning Softball

 At one point during a game, the coach said to one of her young players, "Do you understand what cooperation is? What a team is?"

 The little girl nodded with affirmation.

 "Do you understand that what matters most is whether we play together as a team and put forth our best effort?"

 The little girl nodded yes.

 "So," the coach continued, "When a strike is called, or you're out at first, you don't argue or curse or attack the umpire. Do you understand all of that?"

 Again the little girl nodded. "Good," said the coach, "Now go over there and explain it to your mother."

7/27/2016

BJW -- True Story

Jose came to America from Mexico and wanted to go a baseball game so when he went home, he could tell his family all about it.

When he got there, there game was sold out, so he climbed to the top of the flag pole to get a good look.

"What happened?" asked his family.

"Well, America is the nicest place in the world!!" he said. "Before the game started, all the people in the stands, and all the players, stood up, looked at me and said, "Jose, can you see?"

In other news:  Border Patrol still can't find the guy.

7/20/2016

BJW -- Golfing with Wife

A lovely afternoon finds one fellow and his wife golfing. They have had a wonderful time and the man has had a near perfect game. The final hole, by far the most difficult, wraps around an old barn. With a terrible slice the man puts the barn between his ball and the green. Knowing that the strokes that it will take to get around the barn will destroy his score, he begins to rant and rave. His wife hating to see him ruin such a great afternoon makes a suggestion.

"What if I were to hold open the barn doors? That way you could send it right through the barn onto the green."

He thinks this over and decides that it will work. With his wife holding open the barn door he lines up with the hole and gives the ball a terrific "whack"! The ball shoots through the air and right into the head of his wife, killing her instantly.

Months go by, the man mourning all the while. His friends, hating to see him in such a state, convince him to go golfing with them. They end up at the same course and on the final hole, oddly enough, another terrible slice puts the old barn between his ball and the green. Again he begins to rant and rave at what this dilemma will do to his score. He friend, wanting to please him, makes a suggestion.

"What if I were to hold open the barn doors? That way you could send it right through the barn onto the green."

"No," the man replies, "last time I did that I got two over par."

7/13/2016

BJW -- Good Job

My sister landed a good job with an accounting firm, and after a while she got a generous raise. The day she found out about it, her husband picked her up from work, and they stopped for ice cream. As they continued home, my sister blurted out, "Isn't it hard to believe that I have a job that pays this much money?"

Just then, she went to toss the last of her ice cream cone out the window. However, the window was closed, and it smacked against the glass.

Her husband replied calmly, "Yes."

7/06/2016

BJW -- Independence Day

Food, Family, Fourth of July, and Fireworks. The four best F words ever!

What happened as a result of the Stamp Act?
The Americans licked the British!

How come there's no Knock Knock joke about America?
Because freedom rings.

What's red, white, black and blue?
Uncle Sam falling down the stairs.

What kind of tea did the American colonists want?
Liberty.

What was General Washington's favorite tree?
The infantry.

What do you call a redneck bursting into flames?
A Fire Cracker!

What was the most popular dance in 1776?
Indepen-dance.

What does the Statue of Liberty stand for?
It can't sit down.

Who was the biggest jokester in George Washington's army?
Laughayette

Why did the duck say bang?
Because he was a firequacker.

What's the difference between a duck and George Washington?
One has a bill on his face, and the other has his face on a bill

Why were the first Americans like ants?
They lived in colonies.

What do you eat on July 5th?
Independence Day-Old-Pizza.

What quacks, has webbed feet, and betrays his country?
Beneduck Arnold.

What did the fuse say to the firecracker?
Lets get together and "pop it like its hot".

How do you start the 4th of July parade in the ghetto?
Roll a 40 down the street.

What protest by a group of dogs occurred in 1772?
The Boston Flea Party.

Why did Paul Revere ride his horse from Boston to Lexington?
Because the horse was too heavy to carry.

Did you hear the one about the Liberty Bell?
Yeah, it cracked me up!

What do you call a duck on the fourth of July?
A fire quacker.

What would you get if you crossed George Washington with cattle feed?
The Fodder of Our Country!

What did one flag say to the other flag?
Nothing. It just waved.

Which colonists told the most jokes?
Punsylvanians!

True independence and freedom can only exist in doing what's right.

True patriotism hates injustice in its own land more than anywhere else.

Democracy is the government of the people, by the people, for the people.

People have forgotten what 4th of July really is about. Today commemorates the freedom we use everyday. It's not fireworks and parties. That's just what makes it fun.

Let's enjoy one of the last Independence Days before our complete dependence on China.

Let us remember as we fall asleep this Independence Day those who fight and the many that have died to protect our freedom.

Did you hear the one about the Liberty Bell? Yeah, it cracked me up too!

The 4th of July was not declared a national holiday until 1941.

John Hancock was the only person to actually sign the Declaration of Independence on July 4th, 1776. The other signers did not sign it until August 2nd, 1776 or even later.

7/05/2016

Frustration

I don't have enough faith to be an atheist.  I really don't.  I've tried rejecting God.  I'm not able to.  God is real.  I believe the bible because every word of it is true.

God, being outside of time, has a way of speaking truth that transcends time and space.  Maybe someday I'll work out a good way to describe this idea.  It's to late tonight to take a crack at it.  God's truth is much bigger than our truth, in both definition and scale.  As are His methods of interacting with us.  Here in is my frustration.

Maybe you've had some say, "I can't believe in God because He doesn't answer prayer".  I've got the opposite problem.  God answers my prayers.  I see Him answer other prayers.  Frankly, He seems to enjoy doing it.  Although I believe He says "no", that's not my problem.  He seems to say "yes" far more frequently than random chance would allow.  I suspect that He especially enjoys doing things for His kids in ways that are totally unexpected from our vantage point in time.

I just wish I had the ability to see the plan a little more in advance than I do.  I wish I was able to hear His voice a little more clearly, and order my steps accordingly.  I don't know how to get better at doing either one of these things.

If you have faith as a mustard seed you can move mountains.  If I could hear His voice or see the plan, I'd know which ones need moving and which ones need to be gone around.  Another problem, "He can do more than we can ask or imagine".  I believe that.  I can imagine, and therefore ask for a lot. 

Maybe that's immaturity on my part.  Maybe its something else, like a lack of faith.  Maybe, if I could see the plan, I'd do a better job getting with the program.  Maybe I'd see what was coming and totally freak out and blow it worse than I am now.

7/04/2016

Happy 4th

Wishing you and yours a Happy Forth of July.

We've got a BBQ going and are having a great meal put on by Mrs. Ipsa.  Due to the hot, dry conditions in our state, all fireworks are cancelled this year, including one of the places that shoot them off over their reservoir.  No fireworks is a bummer for the kids but its still a fine day.

To my countrymen who signed and then backed up their commitment to my freedom with their blood, I remember and thank you.

7/01/2016

More on Trump

My coworker is a contradiction in terms.  She holds to several different ideas, about lots of subjects, that simply can't all be true.  This doesn't bother her at all.  She is against Trump.  She doesn't disagree with him about anything, she just doesn't like him.  He is, in her words, "a bully".

My coworker is also a devoutly religious person with what seems to be a real and genuine life long faith.  She recognizes Hillary Clinton as Satan's personal representative on earth.  Which is probably closer to the truth than anyone is comfortable admitting.

Which of the two candidates do you think she supports?  That's right Hillary. 

It's not like she disagrees with anything Trump has in his political platform.  She has firsthand experience with Muslims who have come to our town and caused problems.  She can't stand them and wishes someone would run them out of the country.  She's not big on Mexicans.  She hates and distrusts the federal government in a way only a multi generational Wyoming sheepherder can.  Every single thing Trump says he is for, she says she is for too.

She is cheering for Hillary.  She's going to vote for Hillary.  She thinks you should vote for Hillary too.  Because she doesn't like Trump.

I've given up talking with her about it.  I can't break through her old gray noggin with anything I say. 

Her: "Trump is going to start a trade war".

Me: "You mean we are going to start fighting back"?

Whatever our local paper says, that's what she believes.  There is no getting through because that's what she has been taught via the media.  I'd be ok with her take on the world if she said things like, "I agree with Hillary about..." or "I think Trump is wrong about..."  but those aren't options.  She hates everything Clinton stands for and that's who she is voting for, because the folks down at the paper don't like Trump.

6/30/2016

What You Talk'n Bout?



A 9 year old boy in South Jersey got to go home early on his last day of school.  He even got a police escort and a review of his actions by the local prosecutors office.  What did he do?

Why police were called to a South Jersey third-grade class party

Go ahead and read the article.  They won't tell you what he did, or said that was so bad the police had to intervene.  The mom, a women named Stacy dos Santos gives us some clues.  Stacy lets us in on two facts, 1. the issue involved brownies and 2. her husband, the boy's father is from Brazil.

Before you get ahead of the story, they weren't that kind of brownie.  I had to do a quick Google translate just to double check myself.  Being a romance language, Portuguese uses the same word for black as Latin, Spanish, etc et al.  Can you guess what that word is?

What color are brownies?  I'll give you a hint, it ain't white.  The best brownies, the yummiest, richest, best tasting chocolate delight that boy or man can sink his shinny white teeth into, are the darkest, blackest ones.  That ain't racist.  That's a fact.  The more chocolate, the darker a brownie.  The better it tastes.  It's science, not eugenics.

There is nothing white or brown even, about a good brownie.  Unless of course you put a big scoop of Breyer's Vanilla ice cream on top of it, right after it comes out of the oven.  IF you do that you might as well go ahead and cover the ice cream with chocolate syrup.  If you don't, it proves you are a racist, or a diet Nazi.

What did the Hispanic kid say that cops had to come?  Was it "negros"?  I'm guessing here, and I may be WAY out of line, but I don't think the libtards that work in public schools get upset if someone says, "cracker"; even if its not snack time. 

6/29/2016

BJW -- Cats

I telephoned the veterinarian's office to ask when I should take my three month old kitten in to be vaccinated for rabies. After a few initial questions, the woman who answered the telephone asked, "What is the kitten's name?"

"Demon," I replied.

"Demon? That's an odd name," she said.

"Maybe, but it's appropriate anyway."

I heard clicking of a computer keyboard, then she said, "Our records show that you have cats named Gato [which is Spanish for 'male cat'], Scamp, Stinky, and now you named one Demon. Is that right?"

"Yes, it is."

"You really don't like cats, do you?"

6/28/2016

SCOTUS and Crimes Against Humanity

The SCOTUS ruling on the Texas and Texas style abortion laws came out this week.  As could be predicted they struck down the law.

The basic premise of the law is that in order to preform abortions in Texas and any of the states who copied the law, abortion providers had to meet a more stringent set of guidelines for the procedure.  These guidelines included things like: sanitary operating facilities, proper medical equipment and supplies being available during the procedure, and the doctors who preform the abortions being required to have admitting privileges at the nearest hospital to the clinic.

The abortionists were screaming that this substantially restricted their customers ability to get an abortion.  The court sided with them.

None of that is true.   People seeking abortions still had access to clinics.  They just weren't able to get the procedure preformed at price that maximized the abortion clinics profits.  All of those little things, like proper medical sanitation, equipment, emergency triage supplies, cost money.  That cost has to be paid by somebody. 

Making doctors have admission privileges to the local hospital served one purpose.  It ensured that in the event of complications arising from the procedure, the doctor would be able to facilitate immediate admission to the hospital.  It also did something else.  It screened out doctors who, for whatever reason, could get a license to practice medicine, but whose medical proficiency was in doubt.  Hospitals can evaluate a doctors skill set, their malpractice insurance and other criteria when determining who they are going to grant admission privileges to.   They don't have to let anyone with a medical license admit patients.

Which is why some of the abortion clinics were closing.  On one hand they had doctors whose skills as medical practitioners were so poor they couldn't get admission privileges.  On the other, the laws were improving the medical facilities and increasing the cost.

SCOTUS would rather have women get abortions in substandard clinics, provided by people with substandard medical skills, at a price that maximizes the providers profit margin, than slow down the death camps.  I saw an article stating that there are 69 black babies aborted for every white baby. 

Democrats.  The more things change, the more they stay the same.

6/27/2016

Winning

This post isn't going to go into details. I wanted everyone that is aware of what happened in my life this year to know that I am being blessed.  We are still a long way from finished with the situation.  Life is definitely stressful.  God is taking care of me.

I'm not going to put out information publicly so give me a call or email if you want the particulars.  Know that I am very grateful for your friendship and prayers.  Things are working out.

6/24/2016

Freedom FROM Thought

When I was in school I loved the classes where the teachers let you get into controversial topics.  I had my first taste of this in high school.  The teacher's would assign the class to take sides on a controversial issue.  The topics would sometimes be political, or religious.  They were always be emotional.

The thing that was fun about these exercises was that you weren't being graded on if you won or lost.  You were being graded on your thought process and the way you structured your presentation.  The teachers always made that point up front.  You could take any side you wanted, but you were required to follow the rules of the assignment.

In college I found this style of education very beneficial as well as entertaining.  By the time I was an upper division undergraduate, case study was commonly used as part of the curriculum.  I loved it.  I also learned a great deal of practical application that I have actually used in the real world.

In the University of Northern Colorado they don't like it when you think unapproved thoughts.  They even have a University department that enforces thought conformity.

Professors investigated for presenting opposing viewpoints
Two professors at the University of Northern Colorado were investigated after students complained that they were forced to hear opposing viewpoints.
Apparently there are no grown ups working for UNC.  The teachers were the ones who got in trouble, even though one teacher made it clear that  he did not agree with the opposing point of view, but was merely presenting it as the other side of the argument.

That's right, the teacher was actually on the "right side" of the issue as far as the student was concerned.  The mere fact that the teacher acknowledged and confirmed the existence of an opposing point of view was the problem.

Anyone want to take a guess at what the topic under discussion in both cases was?  LGBT. 

It wasn't mentioned in the article but the traditional and until recently, medical view of LGBT people was that they suffered from either mental/psychological/emotional defect or disease or were predisposed to the lifestyle as a result of abuse or conditioning.  Got it?  LGBT is the result of mental disease or defect, not a genetic mutation.  The professor doesn't believe or teach that, but that is the opposing viewpoint.
"I would just like the professor to be educated about what trans is and how what he said is not okay because as someone who truly identifies as a transwomen [sic] I was very offended and hurt by this," the student wrote in their complaint.
From the other student:
"I do not believe that students should be required to listen to their own rights and personhood debated," the student wrote. "[This professor] should remove these topics from the list of debate topics. Debating the personhood of an entire minority demographic should not be a classroom exercise, as the classroom should not be an actively hostile space for people with underprivileged identities."
It's too hurtful to hear that other people don't agree with you about everything you do.  Wow!  They can't handle it if someone even mentions that there is a different point of view and they need the university to stop it.

It's almost like they suffer from a mental disease or defect or something.

6/22/2016

Stairway to Spirit

This isn't going to be an esoteric essay on meta physical meanings.  It's much more important than that.

Led Zeppelin ask judge to throw out 'Stairway to Heaven' copyright case

We've been hearing about how Jimmy Page ripped off some guy when he wrote Stairway to Heaven back in December of 1970, since at least the late 70's.  "And it makes you wonder..."

Did he?

Fans of Page often boast that he is one of the best guitarists of all time.  What they don't say, or possible don't know, is how he got that way.  Back in the 1960's prior to the formation of Led Zeppelin, Jimmy Page was a highly sought out studio musician.  That's how he made his living, playing other peoples music in a recording studio to assist them in putting together their musical vision.  Apparently he was good at.

One kind of music that Page said he particularly liked was American Negro Blues.  He said that he enjoyed copying and reproducing that musical form with modern instruments and techniques.  Incidentally you now have a fairly complete understanding of the writing process behind nearly every song on the first three albums and singles.  Take a sound/style/method and reproduce it with variations and alternations that you find interesting and repackage it.

Repackaging worked!  Thanks to a unique combination of musical talent Led Zep became a huge success.  When they started writing Led Zeppelin IV they were already established as a band.  So when they sat down to write the songs for the album, they felt they had an opportunity to experiment.

Stairway to Heaven was one of those experiments.  They intentionally wanted to write a longer song with multiple time and tempo changes.  At the time, longer songs and tempo changes where not common in pop music.  In Gadda Da Vida (1968) was never that big a hit.  America Pie was released in 1971, the same year as Stairway and Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald wasn't released until 1976.  Pop music's tendency to favor shorter songs over longer ones still holds true today.

Page explains in his own words.



The studio had enough traditionally solid Zeppelin fair on the fourth album to let the boys take a shot with Stairway without endangering sales. Personally I think after having a listen they thought it was a good song.  Even so, Stairway to Heaven wasn't released as a single in the United States in 1971.  Fan requests for radio play what pushed the songs popularity in the US.

Back in December of 1970, when collaborating on writing the song, nobody knew that all that glitters was gold.  It was something they wanted to try.  Which brings us back to the question, "Did Randy California write the song?".

Here is Spirit's song Taurus



There are 4 notes that are exactly the same as Stairway to Heaven.  I bet you can pick them out.  Now compare that to this:



The notes that are the same, are what's known as a cord progression.  Anyone picking the single notes, in order, will achieve the same results, because that's what a cord is.  Musicians have been picking this cord for as long as we have had stringed instruments.  Which is why you can hear the same four notes in each song, as well as in other songs that use the same cord.

Spirit used that cord to produce a nice mellow instrumental.  It's not a bad bit of music in its own rite.  Zeppelin used that cord as the basis of building a fast paced, up tempo, piece that crescendos into a hard rock power house.  Sure 4 notes are the same, but nothing else about the music is.

It's time for Randy California's lawyers to ramble on.

BJW -- FAMOUS LAST WORDS


*Ha! They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist...

*Don't unplug it, it will just take a moment to fix.

*What happens if you touch these two wires tog-

*We won't need reservations.

*It's always sunny there this time of the year.

*Gimmee a match. I think my gas tank is empty.

*Step on her, boy, we're only going 75.

*If you knew anything, you wouldn't be a traffic cop.

*What? Your mother is going to stay another month?

*Say, who's boss of this joint, anyhow?

"Luke, I lied. Bill Shatner is your real father." - Darth Vader

"Don't worry about the Rover. That's no cliff." - NASA techie

*They'd never make him a manager.

6/20/2016

More Orlando

I've been pondering some more on Orlando.

Seddique Mateen is the father of Omar Mateen the shooter in Orlando.  Seddique is running for President of Afghanistan and is apparently very well connected inside the Washington beltway.  He is also the source of this quote about his son Omar.
“We were in Downtown Miami, Bayside, people were playing music, and he saw two men kissing each other in front of his wife and kid and he got very angry. They were kissing each other and touching each other and he said, ‘Look at that. In front of my son they are doing that.’ And they we were in the men’s bathroom and men were kissing each other.”
That quote probably doesn't seem particularly interesting to the average American.  If anything it demonstrates an example of cross cultural dissidence, or provides after the fact evidence that the shooting was a hate crime.  To western ears it doesn't communicate a whole lot of subtext.
 
I don't think the remark was meant for westerners.  I think it was aimed at an entirely different audience.  I think that quote is full of sub textual information.
  • Eastern cultures tend to be more restrained in public, kissing even between married people doesn't happen publicly, its shameful
  • Sexuality isn't something displayed in front of others, especially in front of other peoples children
  • A married man is the moral as well, as physical protector of his wife and children
  • A Muslim living in the west excuses some things in the culture by rationalizing "its not me doing that on the TV, etc" but despises the people doing them
Omar was born and raised in the United States.  He lived here.  He was an American we are told.  Just like all the other regular American kids.  If Seddique Mateen wasn't trying to pin a hate crime on his son, what was he communicating?

He was giving the Islamic equivalent of a "family values" reference.  Seddique Mateen was telling everyone in his constituent base: "I'm a true Muslim", "I raised my kid right", "We hate the sin in America", "We stand for Islam".  He was building credibility with Muslim hardliners in Afghanistan.  His son waged jihad on American soil, against a readily identifiable sign of cultural decay.  He didn't come out and say, "and I am proud of my son", but the folks in Afghanistan know what he meant.

When the day comes that Seddique Mateen rules Afghanistan, will he been seen as a American puppet working for Washington?  If he isn't, will that be because his son shot up a gay bar?

Where is Omar Mateen's body?  Is he really dead?  Where are the other shooters?  Why isn't the gay friendly American media proclaiming this shooting as the pinnacle of hate crimes?

6/19/2016

Click Bait

I'm a sucker for click bait but seldom post links.  In this case I'm making an exception.

Happy Fathers Day

6/16/2016

Who to Screw?

It must be really hard to be a liberal right now.  

Liberals have been telling us for years that gays are just like everyone else.  Any studies that show that homosexuals have mental health problems or that gays commit violence against gays are homophobic.  Never mind that the APA classified homosexuality as a disorder prior to 1973.  You are a bad person if you think there is anything amiss with gays.

Liberals have been telling us since 9-11 that Islam is a peaceful religion.  Muslims don't attack people.  You are Islamaphobic if you think otherwise.  To say a Muslim comes from another country is Racist.

So a Muslim walks into a gay bar and starts shooting.  The question is, who can the liberal media blame for the attack?  Wait it gets more interesting, the shooter turns out to be a gay Muslim.  Of course we all know the answer is White Right Wing Christian Gun Owners.  If you didn't say that, you are a Racist Islama Homo Phobic Bad Person.

I've studied this a bit.  Does anyone know the only 100% guaranteed way a Muslim can be sure to get into heaven?  The answer is to be martyred during a jihad.

If you are devote Muslim who struggles with his homosexuality, what can you do to ensure you are forgiven for your sins?  What if your Imam has taught that it is a kindness to kill gay people?  It's not hard to see how the shooter put two and two together.

Liberals talk about being "change agents".  When you seek to change the fundamental bedrocks of western civilization, be careful what you wish for.  You might just get it.

6/15/2016

BJW--HOW HIGH CAN YOU GO?


A kangaroo kept getting out of his enclosure at the zoo.

Knowing that he could hop pretty high, the zoo officials put up a ten-foot fence. However, the next morning the kangaroo was out again, just roaming around the zoo.

The zoo officials raised the height of the fence to twenty feet. Again, however, the next morning the kangaroo was again roaming around the zoo.

This kept on, night after night, until the fence was sixty feet high.
Finally, the camel in the next enclosure asked the kangaroo, "How high do you think they'll go?"

The kangaroo replied, "Probably a hundred feet, unless somebody starts locking the gate at night!!"

6/13/2016

Best of Hillary

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 


6/11/2016

Cowboy Style

Yes Virginia, cowboys are that awesome.

Rancher on horseback lassoes would-be bike bandit in Walmart parking lot
An attempted bicycle theft in a Walmart parking lot was foiled by a cattle rancher on horseback, who chased the thief down and lassoed him until the local police in southern Oregon could arrive.
The bicycle was stolen from a bike rack outside a Walmart in Eagle Point, a town about 170 miles south of Eugene, Oregon, at around 10amon Friday morning. The woman who owned the bike and several others gave chase on foot but were unable to catch him.
Then a rancher named Robert Borba brought his horse out of its trailer, mounted up and chased the thief down, according to Chris Adams, an officer with the Eagle Point police who responded to the 911 call about the theft. 
When the thief dismounted and tried to flee on foot, Stepp watched as the cowboy lassoed him by the ankle. The thief then grabbed a tree and held on to it until the police arrived. “Best day of my life,” Stepp said.
It's time to bring back the cowboy.

6/08/2016

They're Winning

It's hard to know if this is a human rights violation or a step in the right direction.

Police Beat Lawyer in Courtroom
The lawyer, Wu Liangshu, says he was beaten by three court policemen in the presence of two judges and one other official on Friday after his request to file a case in a district court in Nanning, Guangxi, was rejected.

TOP TEN SIGNS YOU'RE IN FOR A LONG SERMON


10. There's a case of bottled water beside the pulpit in a cooler.

9. The pews have camper hookups.

8. You overhear the pastor telling the soundman to have a few dozen extra tapes on hand to record today's sermon.

7. The preacher has brought a snack to the pulpit.

6. The preacher breaks for an intermission.

5. The bulletins have pizza delivery menus.

4. When the preacher asks the deacon to bring in his notes, he rolls in a filing cabinet.

3. The choir loft is furnished with La-Z-Boys.

2. Instead of taking off his watch and laying it on the pulpit, the preacher turns up a four-foot hour-glass.

AND THE NUMBER ONE SIGN YOU'RE IN FOR A LONG SUNDAY SERMON

1. The minister says, "You'll be out in time to watch the super bowl" but it's only November!

6/07/2016

Tip of the Problem

I only have one question in regards to this news story.  That's it.  One.  I'm sure there are lots of other questions that could be asked.  If it was my daughter involved in the story, I would be asking them.  Probably not using my soft inside voice.  That's just me as a dad. 

Helena High School Girls Go Braless
Kaitlyn Juvik, a senior at Helena High School in Montana, went to school in May without a bra underneath her black, off-the-shoulder tee, though she was wearing nipple stickers to prevent them from showing through the material of her t-shirt.
The question I want answered is, "where were these girls when I was in high school?".

Sure I could be more reflective and mature about the topic.  I could be more parental.  If, as I said, my daughter did this, I would be.

I've learned at least one thing as a parent.  There is no greater joy than realizing some kid is doing something stupid, and finding out that its not your child.

With that out of the way, I can re-ask the important question: "where were these girls when I was in high school?".

Seriously.  As a guy I can tell you that I would have loved going to class and having some perky headlights to focus my wandering attention on.  That's what teenage boys think about.  All. The. Time.  Heck if the female of the species even suspected half of what the male was thinking they'd all invest in burkas and bed sheets.

Well some of them would.  The slutty ones would go braless.

"she was wearing nipple stickers"

Her right one must have fallen off, cause, just saying.

Either Kaitlyn is very na├»ve or she wanted some attention.  My money is on attention.  The rest of my money is on it not being a guy who turned her in.  That's right I said it.  Some less well endowed female with a hint of non-sluttyness and probably a tad bit of jealousy, busted her.

Get it?  Busted her. Ha. Ha. Ha.  These stories always bring out my inner sophomore.

I bet her dad is so proud, not because she went braless and caught some flack from the school.  She got a bunch of girls at the school to do a braless protest and got national attention.  What a senior leadership project.

Look on the bright side Mr. Juvik, she'll have an interesting story to put in her portfolio for college applications.  She might even get some "scholarship" money, or at least some work study funds from Sugar Daddy.Com.

6/04/2016

Cassius Clay -- R.I.P.

You can disagree with a man about a number of things and still admire his spirit.

"A man who is not courageous enough to take risks will never accomplish anything in life."

Muhammad Ali
January 17, 1942 – June 3, 2016

Election 2016

"Hillary Clinton to Portray Donald Trump’s Foreign Policy Positions as Dangerous" is now the headline for a New York Times article that was formerly titled:  “Clinton to Portray Trump as Risk to the World Order.”

The tag line was too easily misread as "Trump a Risk to the New World Order". 

As if you needed another reason to vote for the Donald.  Polling of readers of the article indicated a 67% positive increase in their opinion of Donald Trump.

The Clintion campaign promptly had Amy Chozick taken out and flogged.  Ms Chozick was reported to have begged for mercy pleading that "she was just trying to help the 'cause'". 

In local election news, disaster Republican Congress women Cynthia (doom us) Loomis has decided to call it quits in DC.  As a member of the House ways and means committee Doom Us worked tirelessly to promote the Obama agenda.  Now that Benedict John Boehner is out and Obama will no longer be around to command her loyalty she's decided to call it a career.  Whose boots is she going to lick anyway?

This creates a opportunity for the equally evil and despicable Liz Cheney.  Cheney is the daughter of former VP Dick Cheney.  Her only claim to fame is that fact that she is related to her dad.  She's used that relationship to "work" as a lobbyist/political corruptor.

This hack has never lived in Wyoming.  She owns a Mc Mansion outside of DC.  A couple of years back she bought a house in Casper just so she could run against Mike Enzi.  Other than visiting a as a kid, she's never been part of our state.  By her standard, anyone who ever visited Yellowstone is qualified to represent Wyoming in Congress.

If she gains the nomination on Aug 18th, I'm going to have to vote for Richard Grayson.


*Some of the facts reported in this post may not be entirely false, and are for reflection and meditation, or a laugh, you decide.

6/02/2016

Another Good Day

My oldest loves fishing.  He comes by it naturally.  He is also something of a pest on the subject.  That's OK.  I believe my elders would have said the same thing about me at his age.

One on the line.

Showing a little fight.
 

A fish in the hand, or at least on land.
 

I made him stop when he had four.
 
The end of the Rainbow.

 
Personally I'm more of a catch and release fishermen when it comes to trout.  The boy however, hasn't satisfied his blood lust.

I haven't mastered teaching the kids to fly cast.  Fishing trips involve a little more work and a little less fishing for me.  I still managed to land a fish myself.


I threw him back.

6/01/2016

Taxpayer Quotes

Worried about an IRS audit? Avoid what's called a red flag. That's something the IRS always looks for. For example, say you have some money left in your bank account after paying taxes. That's a red flag." - Jay Leno

***

"The taxpayer - that's someone who works for the federal government but doesn't have to take the civil service examination." - Ronald Reagan

***

"To you taxpayers out there, let me say this: Make sure you file your tax return on time! And remember that, even though income taxes can be a 'pain in the neck,' the folks at the IRS are regular people just like you, except that they can destroy your life." - Dave Barry

5/31/2016

19

Nineteen isn't a very big number.  It's not significant number for most people.  If you are 19 years old, its your last year of being a teenager.  At 18 you got to vote and legally became an adult.  19 isn't a big deal unless you live in Canada, then you're old enough to drink, and go to the bars.  In the US 19 is normally a Freshman or Sophomore at college.  Maybe not 100% on your own, but you are on your way.

If you enlisted out of high school 19 means you've got about a year in and you've finished most of your schools for your MOS.  If you've hustled and proved yourself and preformed you might even get a bump in rank, or be close to getting one.  The future can look pretty good after 19 years.

How long is 19 years?  I guess that depends if you are looking forward or backward.  If you are 1 year into a 20 year prison sentence it probably looks pretty long.  If you're 19 years old, it looks like your entire life.  If you're 19 looking forward that's 38 years old.  Maybe not ancient but you can see the old folks home from there.  If you are 38 looking backwards 19 was yesterday and man what you know now that you wish you knew then.

19 years ago today was a Saturday.  The weather was nice.  The temperature was pleasant and the sun was out.  I got to hang out with some good friends, nice buffet lunch.  I think there was cake, or something.  Got the truck loaded up canoe and all.  Then I headed north.

I spent the night in the Soo and finished the drive in the morning.  I'd never been on the Trans Canadian Highway before.  It's not really much of a Highway but the scenery was pretty.  I made it to Joe and Paula's place. 

That was my first time spending a week fishing in Canada.  What a trip.

5/27/2016

Prairie Frogs

What is the difference between riches and wealth?

When we first moved into the house we have now I would sometimes set out on the back porch at night and enjoy the coolness of the evenings.  The girls would lay down in the lawn and keep a watchful eye.  In the springtime as the sun set I would hear the chirping of frogs.

I knew that frogs didn't live on the prairie.  Yet the sound was unmistakably that of frogs seeking their mate.  It wasn't until latter that I found the source of chirping.  It was a toad.  These toads only come out when they have enough water to grow and reproduce.  Which means you only hear them for a few weeks in the springtime.

This morning when I got home from work I spent a couple of hours setting on the porch listening to the frogs and watching the moonrise.

As I set enjoying myself I realized that I have been greatly blessed.  Hashem allowed me the pleasure of enjoying my early adult life free from most of life's cares.  We had enough money.  Not having kids we had the ability to take nice trips and pursue recreational activities.  I was living where I wanted, doing the things I wanted, with little concern for the future.  Life was good.

Lately I've not felt that way.  My friends are now able to do the things I once took for granted.  Their kids are graduating high school and college.  We're trying to teach ours to read.  Economically times are much tougher.  I worry over the future.

I still live a very blessed life.  Like the grasshopper I lived a life of pleasure in the spring and early summer.  Now I have to be the ant.  The ant's life doesn't seem to be as much fun.

Back when I still traveled to do consulting, I had a job where I met a man who had just sold his business in Florida.  His kids were out of the house and he and his wife were doing similar work to what I was doing.  He and his wife were traveling together getting reacquainted with each other.  As we sat talking after work that day he asked about my life.  I told him that my second child was on the way and that I was looking to transition to a more 9 to 5 situation.

He remarked on my age and my late start on having a family.  Then he told me something.  He told me that the years coming up were good years.  That I should hold onto them.  That was eight years ago.  He was right.

My bank account isn't what it used to be.  In terms of riches, I'm poorer than I've been in a long time.  In terms of blessing, I'm wealthily beyond what I deserve.  When it comes to material things, I have it better than 95% of anyone who has ever lived on this planet.  When it comes to having a life, what I have is a miracle of incredible proportions.

God is good.  More than that, He has been good to me.

The frogs didn't care that tonight was cold.  They were still out providing me with the same symphony that their forefathers preformed.  A pleasant reminder that the good things in life are still just as good as ever.  All I have to do is appreciate them.

These are the good ole days.  They will be good years.  I am blessed.

5/25/2016

BJW--If You Love Something,


If you love something,
Set it free...
If it comes back, it's yours;
If it doesn't, it never was yours.

THE PESSIMIST VERSION:
If you love somebody,
Set her free ...
If she ever comes back, she's yours;
If she doesn't, well, as expected, she never was.

THE OPTIMIST VERSION:
If you love somebody,
Set her free ...
Don't worry, she will come back.


THE SUSPICIOUS VERSION:
If you love somebody,
Set her free ...
If she comes back, ask her why.

THE IMPATIENT VERSION:
If you love somebody,
Set her free ...
If she doesn't comes back within some time limit,
forget her.

THE PATIENT VERSION:
If you love somebody,
Set her free ...
If she doesn't come back, continue to wait
until she comes back ...

THE PLAYFUL VERSION:
If you love somebody,
Set her free ...
If she comes back, and if you love her still,
set her free again. Repeat

THE LAWYER'S VERSION:
If you love somebody,
Set her free...
Clause 1a of Paragraph 13a-1 in the second
amendment of the Matrimonial Freedom Act clearly states that...

THE BILL GATES VERSION:
If you love somebody,
Set her free...
If she comes back,
I think we can charge her for re-installation fees
and tell her that she's also going to get an upgrade.

THE STATISTICIAN'S VERSION:
If you love somebody,
Set her free...
If she loves you, the probability of her coming back is high;
If she doesn't, your relationship was improbable anyway.

THE POSSESSIVE VERSION:
If you love somebody
don't ever set her free

THE MBA VERSION:
If you love somebody
set her free...
instantaneously...
and look for others simultaneously.

THE PSYCHOLOGIST'S VERSION:
If you love somebody
set her free...
If she comes back, her super ego is dominant;
If she doesn't come, back her id is supreme;
If she doesn't go, she must be crazy.


THE FINANCE EXPERT VERSION:
If you love somebody
set her free...
If she comes back, its time to look for fresh loans;
If she doesn't, write her off as an asset gone bad.

THE MARKETING VERSION:
If you love somebody
set her free...
If she comes back, she has brand loyalty;
If she doesn't, reposition the brand in new markets.

5/24/2016

Big Y Fly

I admit it.  I'm not a fly fishing purest.  It's true I made my first rod.  It's true I have a ton of fly tying materials.  It's also true that I have other things to do than build fly rods and tie flys.

Res Jr. has been bugging me all year to go fishing.  Thinking back to when I was his age, I remember being just as much as pest to my progenitors about fishing.  I swear I've heard "rainbow trout" used so often that I'm ready to start tossing dynamite into rivers ever time he mentions the species to me.  The boy's fascination with the rainbow is because until this year, that's the only fish he's caught.

We managed to get out twice so far this year.  There is a spring creek about an hour from my house that is open year round.  We managed a couple of small browns.  Then two weeks ago we got out again.

I pretty proud of myself.  We managed to hook a couple of bullhead, some sunfish and trout, including a couple of rainbow.  That made several firsts for my son and daughter as well as a new one for me.  I landed a 15 inch splake.  I had never caught one of those before.

My kids got to see another first, me losing a large fish.  I hooked and played a large rainbow.  It was an epic battle of big fish on a very fine tippet.  I knew I had more fish than tackle to land it.  So I played her.  She put on a great show leaping and thrashing around near the bank where the kids got a good view of the battle.

Not having a net, because I didn't think I'd need one fishing in the town park, I exhausted the fish before bringing her to the bank.  Then as I was drawing her up, the tippet broke off leaving the fly firmly hooked in the fish's mouth. 

After seeing the big fish my son wanted to use the same fly.  Cabalas only included one elk hair cadis in the kit.  Dad, not thinking he'd actually get to fish with two kids to watch, didn't bring his own fly box.  I promised to buy him some more flys to make up for the one I lost.

When I went online to fly shop last week, I was shocked.  Flys have gone up a lot in price since I first started fishing.  I remember when quality flies could be had for about 25 cents.  That's not the case anymore.  Apparently the kids in China's sweat shops have gotten a raise.

Eventually I discovered Big Y Fly.  If you are going to order flys by the half dozen or dozen, they have reasonable prices.  I ordered a little over 100 flys and a bottle of fly dressing and it cost me just over $60 shipping included.  If you're into fly fishing and don't want to spend a mint on flys give them a try.  My order showed up today and they are good quality. 

I even splurged on a half dozen of the "purple haze", which my female child thinks are the best ones in the bunch.  They're pretty.  Her biggest concern was that I didn't get any pink ones for the girl fish.  If they work, I'll be stuck buying Barbie style fishing gear.  I guess that's OK so long as I don't have to buy a Hello Kitty Glock.

5/23/2016

Making a Marine Cry

My father was a religiously minded young man who, after high school was preparing for a life of ministry.  As a ministry student, enrolled in college, pursuing a preaching degree, dad had no worries about getting shipped off to Viet Nam like other kids.  Except my father couldn't wrap his head around Koine Greek.  He was flunking it, and because of that, flunking out of college.

Dad went down to the Marine recruiting station and enlisted.  My father wanted to serve with other people who were serving because they wanted to, not because they were forced to.  The Marines were the only all volunteer branch at that time.  Latter on they took draftees.

That's the story of how dad joined the Marines in a nutshell.  He was allowed to request a MOS, which he did.  He put down chaplains assistant.  Request denied.  They shaved his head and sent him to the Nam. 

He served in Da Nang, guarding the air base, walking patrols, shooting and ducking, and doing whatever else the sergeant told him to do.  Dad did his duty, received his honorable discharge, married mom, reenrolled in college, and had me.  More kids came latter.  He never became a preacher.  Dad worked as a human resources manager till he retired.

Now that mom and dad are retired they are out doing retired people stuff.  They've taken a couple of cruises, and visited grandkids.  I'm sure dad's going out in public wearing white shoes, black socks and Bermuda shorts.  Dad also wears one or more articles of clothing with USMC on it.  At a minimum he will have a ball cap with something Marine related.  This is S.O.P. and uniform of the day for old farts with access to a Sgt. Grit catalog.

This month they headed off to Washington DC.  Dad went to the Vietnam War Memorial.  From what my mom says that went OK.  The National Museum of the Marine Corps is just outside of Quantico.  There was no way they were going to miss that.

Dad had one of his USMC ball caps on at the museum.  A little Hispanic girl came up to him and asked him if he was a marine.  I'm sure dad stood a little straighter when he told her yes.  She thanked him for his service.  Then she gave him a letter she had written, explaining how much she enjoyed being an American and how grateful she was for her freedom.  It was her way of saying thank you. 

The air-conditioning must be broken in the Marine Museum.  I guess its so hot in there that Dad's eyes began to sweat.  No matter, he was able to stifle himself and beat a strategic retreat without imperiling the dignity of the Corps. 

5/18/2016

Right Decision

I am opposed to no fault divorce.  We've experimented with this standard in our society for fifty years.  It has proven to be a disaster for society in general, marriage and children.  It's a bad idea whose time has come, and its time for a change back to more traditional marriage standards.

That said, sometimes a divorce should be fast tracked.

Newlywed husband divorces his wife hours after the ceremony because she was too busy texting her friends to have sex on their wedding night
'When he asked her if her friends were more important than he was, the bride answered that they were.' 
This happened in Saudi Arabia, which makes me wonder whose daughter this guy married that he didn't take her phone and beat her senseless for the offence.  Maybe that was an option, I don't know.  Kicking her to the curb was the right thing to do.

Tooth Fairy

I was playing tooth fairy when my daughter suddenly woke up. Seeing the money in my hand, she cried out, "I caught you!"

I froze and tried to think of an explanation for why I, instead of the tooth fairy, was putting the money under her pillow--but her next words let me off the hook.

"You put that money back!" she said indignantly. "The tooth fairy left that for me!"

5/16/2016

Odd Calling

Can you guess this man's identity?

b Feb 16, 1909, Lawrence Kansas
d May 14, 1982, Munich Germany

Was a Boy Scout
Graduate of the Baylor School
Played football for the University of Chattanooga
Earned a Masters of Theology from USC
Ordained Methodist Minister
Conservative Republican
Minnesota Christmas Tree Farmer

In all fairness, if I told you the man's name you'd immediately know who he was and what he was famous for.  He is famous, even though the thing he is best known for he stopped doing in 1963. 

In the 1930's ministers didn't typically make a lot of money.  They also didn't typically have a lot of other marketable skills.  After all, getting up in front of people and talking isn't generally a high paying career path.  They hadn't invented consultants or Power Point yet.  A preacher was the closest thing to a motivational speaker folks had.

To make a couple of bucks, a guy with a good speaking voice could sometimes get a little work down at the radio station.  Radio was in its infancy and inexpensive recording and play back methods were in short supply.  Someone with a good voice might make a little money reading stories, doing ads etc.  If you had a little exposure on the radio you could sometimes get a paid part doing community theater.

We're not talking about big money.  Fifty cents here, a couple of bucks there, was about all an actor could expect under these circumstances.  If you were a Methodist minister living off of contributions and the occasional invite home to dinner during the Great Depression a few dollars extra was a big help.

Ministry is a kind of work that offers its own satisfaction but normally not a lot of income.  If you could be a minister and support yourself financially by acting, then things might not be so bad.  A fella might even be able to afford a wife and family that way.  By the end of 1942 Eugene had 15 feature films under his belt, as well as a wife.  Three children followed.

From the time he was 22 years old in 1931 until 1946 when he earned his Master of Theology degree at the age of 37, Eugene used acting to pay the bills in an effort to fund ministry.  He continued doing ministry during his acting career.  When asked about the possible conflict between the two he said:
Sometimes my work as an actor presents a conflict with my ideals as a clergyman. I don't believe in the old saying that the end justifies the means, and no money that I can earn as an actor can accomplish so much good that I would feel justified in violating my ideals to earn it... If the question ever arises in a serious way, of course I would have to give up my acting.
In 1957 Eugene was on set with a child actor and his mother doing a promotional film for Rose Hills Memorial Park.  A more accurate way to state "promotional film" is "long commercial".  Rose Hills is a funeral home and graveyard, not exactly "A list" Hollywood fair. 

Eugene was talking with Marilyn about how work had slowed down in the movie industry.  He was using acting to fund his family and ministry.  TV had cut into the movie business.  Things were getting a little tight, money wise.  That didn't keep Eugene from coaching and helping the young actor playing opposite of him.

The boy's mom took an instant like to Eugene and gave him a job lead.  Her son had just landed a TV show.  They might be able to use him.  After shooting that night a young boy said his bedtime prayers, he ended with, "Please God make the actor I worked with today my father in the new series."

That is how Eugene Hugh Beaumont, minister and actor with countless radio, community theater, industrial films, commercial appearances, and over 80 feature film appearances became Ward Cleaver.

From 1957 to 1963 Leave it to Beaver was considered a good show.  It wasn't a top show.  It was a solid addition to the line up.  In syndication in the 1970's it had a larger following than it did during its original run.  In the 80's and 90's cable kept Eddie, Wally and the Beav in front of audiences. 

While not as well known a Methodist as the Wesley brothers, Hugh Beaumont ended up with a bigger pulpit.  Ward Cleaver as dad was never as popular as Jim Anderson, but he did something few TV dads accomplished.

Ward Cleaver was either: the dad you had, the dad you wish you had, or the dad you should try to be.   No doubt Mr. Cleaver was more common in 1957 than in 1997 or will be in 2017.  Telling someone today that they have a "Leave it to Beaver" life or outlook is considered an insult.  It shouldn't be.  Hugh Beaumont represented the pinnacle of American Fatherhood.  His example was as fine a sermon as any preacher ever gave.

5/12/2016

Cowboy Poetry

This has got to be the most intellectually accurate explanation of reincarnation I've ever come across.  It's well worth the 2:21 to listen to.


Here is a link to the same written material.

5/11/2016

12 Reasons Why Pastor Stopped Attending Sports Events

12) Every time I went, they asked me for money.

11) The people I had to sit with didn't seem very friendly.

10) The seats were very hard.

9) The coach never came to call on me.

8) The referee made a decision I couldn't agree with.

7) I had to sit with some hypocrites who were only there to see what others were wearing.

6) Some games went into overtime and I was late getting home.

5) The band played some songs I had never heard before.

4) The games are scheduled when I want to do other things.

3) I don't want to take my children because I want them to choose for themselves what sport they like best.

2) My parents took me to too many games when I was growing up.

1) Since I read a book on sports, I feel that I know more than the coaches, anyhow.

5/09/2016

A Picture is Worth...

I was pursuing the Monday news and came across an article on Slate.  Slate is of course known for its highly refined sense of culture, class and moral values, or whatever its known for.  The article (really more of a blog post) was a first person account of what Ted Cruz was like when he was 18 or 19 and running around on the debate team at college.

If anything Ted Cruz ever did when he was 19 could possibly be of interest to you, give it a read.

Resolved: Ted Cruz Was His Worst Self as a Presidential Candidate
In his surly, failed campaign, Cruz turned into a cartoon version of the blowhard I knew on the college debate circuit.
As you can tell from the subheading the "article" is another fawning media fluff piece.  No matter.  What I found interesting was the photo of Ted in late 1980 something.


What's important here isn't a Cuban kid with a cigar in his mouth.  Look past that.  There are 20 names visible on what I assume is a board listing the events participants.  I don't see Cruz's name, or know why he seems to be pointing to Bush.  None of that's important. 

Read the 20 names.  How many of those do you recognize?  Cruz was an Ivy League boy, attending Ivy League events, with Ivy League friends. 

Anybody remember what the Keating family was famous for?  Hint S & L scandal.  Go through some of the other names.  One thing Ted Cruz was not, he was not a political outsider.  He was as well connected to as many influential families as anyone could be within one generation of immigrating to America.

5/06/2016

I've Said This Before

It bears repeating.

Donald Trump isn't my ideal candidate.  However the rest of America is unlikely to elect my ideal candidate.  America is unlikely to elect anyone's ideal candidate, no matter what your personal political position happens to be.

Besides that, there is the undeniable fact that the platform i.e. the promises made to get elected, is often very different from what happens once they get elected and are running the show.  This was true with Regan and the Department of Education.  It has been true with every other politician that has run as a "reformer", at least in my lifetime.

Now that Trump seems to have the election sewn up, the question of who his VP is going to be is coming up.  I don't know how he is going to make his decision.  I'm not even going to guess who at this point. 

If Trump was to take all the phonebooks in the United States, and cut out the names of every single person who was eligible to be Vice President, and then dump them into one giant hat, and then randomly draw out the name of his running mate, we would still end up with a better team on the ticket than what we have in office now.

Just for giggles I'd love to see Ron Paul as VP.  Personally I think its the only way that Trump gets elected and keeps from getting wacked by a coalition of bureaucrats and political insiders.

5/04/2016

Perfect Par

A retired gentleman spent most afternoons at the local golf course. Every day he would spend about 3 hours out on the course, playing a round by himself. When he would return to the club house, the resident pro would inquire about his score.

"Ed, how'd you shoot today?," to which the man would *always* reply, "Another perfect par."

The golf pro (being of average intelligence) knew that there was no way the old man was shooting straight par every day, but since he was a regular customer, he didn't want to insult the man by accusing him of lying.

Finally, one day, the pro decided to accompany the old man on his daily round, just to see for himself. On the first tee, the older gentleman sliced the ball way off into the rough. He found his ball, but his second shot was even worse. Finally putting it into the first hole (a par 4) took him 8 swings. The golf pro thought to himself "I knew it. This old geezer's been lying all this time. There s no way he is gonna shoot anywhere near par."

They continued on, and the old man's game stayed the same, never once getting a par on any one hole. After almost 3 hours, they teed off on the 13th hole. The old man actually hit it straight down the middle - It was the best shot he had made all day! He promptly walked down the fairway to his ball, picked it up, and began walking back to the clubhouse.

The pro was confused. "Hey, that was a great shot. Where are you going now?"

"Oh, I'm done." the old man replied with a smile, "That shot was number 72 ...another perfect par!"

5/02/2016

Hat Tip

Awhile back I heard about a couple of brothers who wrote a book.  I think the name of the book was "Do Hard Things".  I never read it or looked into it.  I just think the title, and the philosophy behind it is cool. 

"Do Hard Things" is a great motto, or even a life purpose.  Most of the time that's not how we are.  I'm not judging, just saying.  Depending on your personal strengths and talents some things may be harder or easier for you than others.

How about that Ida Keeling?  What you never heard of Ida?  Me either not till today.  Mrs. Keeling ran the 100 yard dash on April 30th.  She finished dead last out of a pack of nine runners.  She is freeking awesome and she has my vote for athlete of the year.  I'm not kidding.

Ida Keeling is 100 years old and didn't even start running until she was 67.  She set the worlds record for the 100 yard dash for her age group, 1:17.  Incredible!

She's got more than 50 years on me. I don't think I could do a 100 yard dash in 1:17 if it was downhill and there was a double-bacon pizza waiting for me at the end. 

Do. Hard. Things! INDEED!

4/28/2016

Who to Believe?

If you are like me you don't have time to evaluate every single opinion or impression of public figures.  Sure around election time we focus on the politicians.  Maybe on a slow day we click a link to a story on some celebrity.  For the most part I don't take the time to educate myself on every little bit of social, cultural or political minutia that comes along.

To a degree I rely on the opinions of people whom I know or who I have found to have a particular point of view.  This system works out pretty good.  Sometimes it breaks down, like today.
 
The former House speaker also says that he would vote for Trump, and called the two of them 'texting buddies.
When it comes to Texas Sen. Ted Cruz, even a few months’ time out of Congress has done little to lessen former House Speaker John Boehner’s contempt for his former Capitol Hill colleague.
“Lucifer in the flesh,” Boehner told an audience at Stanford on Wednesday night, according to the Stanford Daily. “I have Democrat friends and Republican friends. I get along with almost everyone, but I have never worked with a more miserable son of a bitch in my life.”.
John Benedict Boehner did more to advance Obama's agenda for America than anyone, including Obama.  If ever there were a wolf in seeps clothing, or more to the metaphor a devil in an angels wings, it was Benedict Boehner.

When it comes to Cruz, I've seen enough of his campaign to realize that he comfortable with the father of lies, if not dedicatedly in his service.  So Boehner who is bad, says Cruz is bad (which I already believed).  Now Boehner says Trump is good.  This is getting hard. 

I was willing to believe Trump might be, if not good, not dedicatedly evil.  But Benedict likes Trump.  Its getting harder to rely on heuristics this election cycle.

4/27/2016

3 Ribbons and a Ride


Traffic was heavy and the start of road construction season wasn't making getting on the interstate any easier.  It had been a long day of driving, followed by a long day of sit and waiting.  Now if the traffic wasn't too bad, a couple of hours of more driving and our road warrior could kick his feet up at home.

It was one of those days when you get up too early because that's when one specialist can see you.  You get up because that's the only time slot they have open.  It doesn't matter that you haven't finished sleeping off the drugs they give you for the pain.  You get up and going with your mind muddled in fog. 

Yes you drive yourself, hangover and all.  You do the therapy, get back in the truck and go to another specialist in another town.  It's a grand beautiful day but that does little for the mood.

The next doctors were less than helpful.  Now its time to head home, bad mood and all.  The traffic is horrible.  Big cities are like that.  The on ramp heading out of town looks like the pearly gates themselves. 

Turning the wheel left, you push in the clutch and shift for second, then gassing the old girl hard to get up to speed you go for third.  That's when the old man appears.  He was there all along but you just noticed.  Old man, white long beard, fat, wearing rough looking cloths a small wheeled carry on bag in tow.  Traffic is too heavy and the truck is going too fast to stop.

That's when "He" starts in; "You know that man looked kinda tired".  "Probably just the sun and wind" you think.  "Yeah maybe" He says.  "Didn't look like he had much of a coat".  "Might have had an extra in the bag", you reply.  "Yeah maybe".  "He" is a constant companion these days, although not always the most agreeable conversationalist.

The heavy construction zone traffic needs your attention but the conversation continues.  "Sun will go down in a couple of hours".  He never stops.  "Likely the wind will pick up".  Then He asks, "You did notice his hat, right"?

You know you noticed it.  You saw that just as soon as you let in the clutch and hit the gas going into third.  A plain black baseball style hat with two words and three ribbons on it.  "How do I know you want me to give him a ride?" you ask.  There is no answer.  You are out of the construction zone, traffic is clearing and its a clear run for home.

Except you know what you are going to do.  With a quick prayer to the effect of "if the old guy is still there I'll take it as a sign you want me to help him out, I will", you take the next exit.  Then you fight back down through the construction zone traffic the other direction.  Get off at the same congested interchange you did at first.  Except this time when you make that left back on the ramp you hit the turn single and pull over.

"Hey buddy, need a lift?"  You ask that question all ready knowing the answer.   "Stow your gear in the bed and hop in".  He opens the door and offers his hand.  "I'm Dave Johnson" he said.  "Dave I've got one question for you, 'Did you earn the right to wear that hat'?".  "YES" is all he said, and the way he said it you know its true.

The conversation is standard hitchhiker fair.  How far ya going?  Has it been easy getting rides? etc.  Dave's headed to Idaho.  As he tells his story, he was driving truck OTR for Swift Transport and had a heart attack down in Texas.  They came and got the truck from him while he was in the hospital.  Then they fired him and left him stranded with no way to get home.

Dave wants to know where the truck is headed.  He's been over this road before and knows that the turn off to home is in the middle of nowhere.  The look in his eye says more than he knows.  That's when you say it. "I can't take you to Idaho, but I'll get you to the state line".  Dave's eyes light up a bit, "there is a truck stop just short of there". 

The truck stop it is you agree.  Dave puts his chin down on his chest and sleeps the rest of the way.  He's warm.  He's dry and he's heading towards home.

Half a tank of gas latter Dave wakes up as the truck pulls off the interstate.  "That's the place", Dave points to the gas station on the right.  It's been a long ride.  Both of you get out and stretch.  Walking around the back of the truck to the passenger side you know what you are going to do.

Dave Johnson mentioned kinda casual like that he could use a couple of bucks for a cup of coffee when he got in.  Walking around the truck provides a chance to dig down and fish out all the change out of the pockets.  Opening up the wallet you pull every green back you have out and give him all the change out of your pocket.

He sees the empty billfold and hears "Sorry man this is all the cash money I got" at the same time.  Without thinking he tries to give the money back.  "No Dave, you keep it" you say.  He cuts in, "why don't you keep some?  I just need some coffee".  The "No SIR" comes out of your mouth a little too harsh, "I owe you that much and more, thank you for your service".

"There is no need to thank me son." he says.  "I was glad to do what I did."  "I did it for folks like you and I'd do it all over again".  Hands are shaken and good lucks said.

Too choked up to buy gas right then you drive off.  By the next exit the gas low light is on and stopping isn't an option.  That's when the contents of the cup holder are reveled, 2 quarters, a nickel and a couple of pennies.  "Damn it, he should have gotten that too".

In a couple of hours time our road warrior will be back home.  He will eat dinner at his own table, with his own wife and kids.  His own dog will curl up at his feet.  He will sleep in his own bed.  He will have a list of his own problems and concerns, but he will be in his own home, in his own town, in his own country.  A country defended by Dave Johnson.

In a couple of hours, best case scenario, Dave Johnson will have had his cup of coffee and maybe a bite to eat.  With any luck he'll manage a ride with another trucker and be bouncing his way across Montana on his way to an empty house.  Dave's daughter been gone some time now and his wife passed a couple of years back.  Nobody is waiting for him at home, not even a dog.

That 57 cents is still in the cup holder.