All in the Family featured the curmudgeonly Archie Bunker. Archie was television’s most famous grouch, blunt, blustering, straightforward and untouched by the PC crowd. He was the archetype of the conservative male. Michael desprately tried to reeducate him, but he persisted in his breviloquence.

Looking back at the last 40 years, we realize: ARCHIE WAS RIGHT!


Dinner Out

We don't do dinner out as much as we used to. The reason is I see no need to subject other people to my kid, who may or may not decide to behave himself. Plus I've gotten picky about where I want to eat, and nicer places aren't much fun for kids. I find that I don't enjoy the evening because I'm worried about the boy's behavior. This is true of nights like tonight when he was just fine.

Tonight we went out to a Chinese buffet place. This was a result of the in laws being in town. RJ behaved himself like a perfect 18 month old gentleman. One other person not so much. We came in and were seated at a table across from a very large women. Fat people (of which I'm one) aren't a surprise in a buffet restaurant, neither are morbidly obese types (of which she was one). She was also the proud owner of a cell phone. She felt compelled to talk on it very loudly. I doubt that anyone in the place didn't hear her conversation, about her daughter's period and how her daughter was too freaking stupid to have extra tampons etc on hand each month. Truthfully after 5 mins of this I was also starting to hate this unseen girl. We got all the bloody details of the event, and an ample understanding of the girls mental defects in the period planning department. If you look up "white trash" in Websters you'll see a picture of this women and her phone. I was so pleased that this wonderful women was going to be part of my dinning experience, that I was fantasizing about slapping her all the way back to her trailer.

Yes I know, "she has rights". I've been told that before. My complaint isn't about her rights, its about her lack of manners. She must have had other complete strangers to enlighten about feminine hygiene, so she paid and left. I think the entire clientèle breathed a collective sigh of relief.

There after, dinner was a complete success, no food was thrown, no crying, no "I want down now" fits. A perfect meal out with a 18 month boy. I remember when a perfect meal involved choosing the best dry red to accompany the soup, salad and entree. These days I'm pretty much happy with no food in hair (anyones hair the boys, mine people on the other side of the room). RJ didn't even spill his sippy cup. Large amounts of high sodium, fried foods were consumed and a good time was had by all.

Speaking of sippy cups: does everyone know what I mean when I say "sippy cup"? On the way home, mom and grandma discovered that they couldn't find RJ's sippy cup. Back to the restaurant. Yours truly was nominated to go back in.

ME: "Excuse me ma'am, we left a sippy cup here. I was wondering if you have it"

Chinese Chick (CC): "isss sissy cusp?"

ME: "Yes a sippy cup, you know babies drink out of them".

CC: "Me don't know". (calls Mexican buss-girl over) "This man wants sissy cusp, do you have sissy cusp? (points at me)

Mexican Chicka (MC): "Sissy cusp?"

CC: "For make baby" (still pointing at me)

MC: "No make baby". (looks at me, grave expression crosses her face)

CC: "sissy cusp for baby drink" (she made a fist with the thumb out and sucked on her thumb)

MC: "NO SISSY CUSP! No make baby, no care how big tip".

ME: (trying to be helpful) "I think we left our cup here, it has a thing like a straw in the top, its for my kid".

CC: "Give this man sissy cusp".

MC: "Me no punta, no"

The conversation started to get a little tense between the two women at this juncture. CC was eager for MC to give me the sippy cup. MC was somewhat offended at the idea of giving customers sippy cups. I was ready to go buy a new sippy cup to avoid any further unpleasantness. The exchange between the two women was starting to take on a "I'm the boss, do as I say" tone, mixed with a bit of a "give him a sippy cup if you want but leave me out of it" objection. Just as I was ready to say forget it and make for the door, my father in law walked in. "Hey Res, they found it, it fell out in the truck". He didn't say "Res" he used my real name, but you get the picture. I said "thanks" and took flight.

Tomorrow I think I'll eat all my meals at home.

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