All in the Family featured the curmudgeonly Archie Bunker. Archie was television’s most famous grouch, blunt, blustering, straightforward and untouched by the PC crowd. He was the archetype of the conservative male. Michael desprately tried to reeducate him, but he persisted in his breviloquence.

Looking back at the last 40 years, we realize: ARCHIE WAS RIGHT!


The Secret of Bill’s Success

Back in his college days Bill Gates used to wander around the seamy side of Cambridge MA. Even in the brainy town that surrounded Harvard, Bill was something of a nerd. Forced to cruse the second hand stores for the 1950’s era pocket protectors and plaid fashion accessories he craved, Bill became a regular in pawn shops and at yard sales.

It was on one of these excursions from the Ivory Tower that Bill wandered into Habeeb's House of Pawned Crap and Estate Brokers. Bill saw what appeared to be a giant hookah in a box that had just came in. Thinking that getting random strangers to take a hit on the hookah might just be the ticket to getting some new friends, he bought it. Rushing home he began to polish it up.

That’s when it happened. A genie came out of the hookah. Apparently the genie got confused during the 60’s and wasn’t able to get back to his lamp during a raid on a frat party. This incredibly laid back and mellow genie offered Bill his three wishes.

Bill said, “I want all the money in the world, for all women to find me irresistible and a Pack Man arcade game.” The genie thought over his wish and said: “Sorry man, can’t do it”. “Well why not?” Bill asked, “Aren’t you a real genie?” “Sure man I’m a real genie, but some things aren’t possible”, he replied. “Like dig it man, you can’t every have ‘all the money in the world’ cause as soon as you do the man just prints more and everybody gets inflation”, the genie said. “Face it Bill you’re a nerd, all women are never going to find you irresistible, it defies the nature of the universe”. The genie continued, “man you have to adjust your expectations and stay true to your place in the cosmos”.

Bill thought this over for a bit. So he said, “OK this is what I wish for, I want to get credit for inventing the personal computer, I want a nickel for every time someone has to reboot it, a dime for every time it crashes and a quarter for every time someone gets a virus”. The genie, not knowing anything about computers agreed to the wish.

This is why Bill Gates has almost all the money in the world.

It is also why I haven’t been doing much blogging. My computer has been and still is giving me fits. It’s also why I have lost everyone’s email address.

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