BJW--New Years

"New Year's Day: now is the accepted time to make your regular annual good resolutions. Next week you can begin paving hell with them as usual . . . New Year's is a harmless annual institution, of no particular use to anybody save as a scapegoat for promiscuous drunks, and friendly calls, and humbug resolutions."

Mark Twain

New Years Eve Short Jokes
What do you tell someone you didn't see at New Year's Eve?
I haven't seen you for a year!

What happened to the Irish man who thought about the evils of drinking in the New Year?
He gave up thinking.

What's the problem with jogging on New Years Eve?
The ice falls out of your drinks!

What do you call always wanting a date for New Year's Eve?
Social Security

New Years Eve forecast:
Mostly drunk with a slight chance of passing out.

What happens every year when the Time Square Ball drops?
Justin Bieber gets jealous

New Years Eve

 On New Year's Eve, Marilyn stood up in the local pub and said that it was time to get ready.
At the stroke of midnight, she wanted every husband to be standing next to the one person who made his life worth living.

 Well, it was kind of embarrassing. As the clock struck, the bartender was almost crushed to death.

My new year's resolution is to be more optimistic by keeping my cup half-full with either rum, vodka, or whiskey.

If 2015 was a person, I'd sue him for pain and suffering and lost wages.

Keep the smile, Leave the tear, Hold the laugh, Leave the pain, Think of joy, Forget the fear.
Be joyous, cause its a New Year.

I have only one resolution. To rediscover the difference between wants and needs. May I have all I need and want all I have. Happy New Year!

 

Remember you can reset your resolutions on January 14th (Orthodox New Year) and February 8th (Chinese New Year). After that, even I can't help you.