Trying to come to the aid of his father, who was stopped
by an officer for speeding, the little tyke piped up, "Yeah? Well, if we were speeding, so were you!"
Two kids were trying to figure out what game to play. One said, "Let's play doctor." "Good idea," said the other. "You operate, and I'll sue."
I was just getting ready to get into the shower. She said, "Mommy, you are getting fat!" I replied, "Yes honey, remember Mommy has a baby growing in her tummy." "I know," she replied, "but what is growing in your butt?"
A boy had reached four without giving up the habit of sucking his thumb, though his mother had tried everything from bribery, to reasoning to painting it with lemon juice to discourage the habit. Finally she tried threats, warning her son that, "If you don't stop sucking your thumb, your stomach is going to blow up like a balloon. " Later that day, walking in the park, mother and son saw a pregnant woman sitting on a bench. The four year old considered her gravely for a minute, then spoke to her saying, "Oooooh .. I know what you've been doing."
Any child can tell you that the sole purpose of a middle name is so he can tell when he's really in trouble.
Mom, I'll always love you,
but I'll never forgive you for cleaning my face with spit on a hanky.
• I know it hurts, but I will not kiss your butt.
• Even if someone hugs it out of you, you should say, "Excuse me" after passing gas.
• Sometimes your breath stinks, too.
• No, he doesn't have a baby in his tummy.
• You can't marry Daddy; I got him first.
• Put Grandpa's teeth back where you found them.
• The underwear is not a hat.
• You make a beautiful ballerina, but boys don't wear tutus to church.
• People don't eat cat food.
• No, sweetie, pee does not come from peanuts.
• Well, it does still look like corn, but you can't eat it again.
• Don't put the chips back in the bowl after you've licked them.
• Please don't chew on the dirty underwear.
• People don't lick themselves clean.
• Yes, that is Ivy's penis and it is just for him.
• Yes, the mommy turtle is giving the daddy turtle a piggyback ride.
• The dog's nose does not need picking.
• The cat doesn't like the sprinkler.
• You can't pee in just anybody's yard.
• Yes, it makes me very happy when you make poop.
• Only boys stand up when they potty
• If you wipe, your bottom won't be itchy.
Post em if ya got em. True stories about your kids preferred.
Have a good weekend.