What’s With the English?

I’ll gladly give the British their due. During the height of the Empire, Britain ruled the sea and the sun never set on her flag. The British represented the finest of western civilization, industry, etiquette and propriety. All of this happened prior to the advent of cinematography as an art form.

For kicks Google “great English movies”. I did, and found a gem on the first page; “Sound Punishment: English spanking movies”. You perv's can look it up for yourself, no porn here, Edith wouldn’t like it.

This got me thinking about all the great award wining movies England has shared over the years.

• Chariots of Fire: Thankfully the hero could run faster than the plot. Otherwise we’d still be waiting for Eric to finish the 1924 Olympics.
• A Fish Called Wanda: Finest example of a British police action-adventure drama, to bad they were going for a comedy.
• 2001 A Space Odyssey: “I cannot allow you to do that Dave”. If Hal was a pal he'd depressurized the air lock on the theater and killed us all after the coming attractions.

The newest addition to the long line of distinguished English non-accomplishments is: The Constant Gardner.

The movie synopsis:

Africa is the most wonderful place on earth. The west should drop everything and empower the indigenous peoples to solve their problems by spending billions of our money.

Drug companies are evil.

Only liberal do-gooders have the answers.

Drug companies are evil, AND should work for free.

Husbands are clueless to the unique insightfulness of their wife, unless she is violently killed, then they will embark on a journey of personal discovery and conclude she was right all along.

Drug companies are really, really evil.

Englishmen, after getting the dirt on the bad guys that killed their wife, will travel to a remote area, set by the side of the road wait for their wife’s murders to come by, remove the magazine from their pistol and let the bad men shoot them without a fight.

That last part might be art reflecting life. I don’t know. I was longing for death just watching it, so I can relate. Mrs Ipsa claims the movie was nominated for all kinds of awards. It should’ve won for “biggest load of crap, sans subtitles and French actors”.

Avoid this movie like the British and oral hygiene.