For Astro

NASA Announces Plans To Put Man On Bus To Cleveland

CAPE CANAVERAL, FL—Hailing the dawn of a new era in long-distance highway travel, NASA officials unveiled Monday the agency’s ambitious plans to put a man on a bus to Cleveland, OH by early 2013.

The complex and dangerous three-day mission, dubbed “Chariot I,” is expected to pass through six states and include two brief transfers in Atlanta and Louisville in both directions, at a reported total cost of $360 dollars plus taxes and fees.

It was not reported if the reason for the mission was budget constraints or a test of the limits of the agencys abilities.

According to Bolden, barring any weather-related delays or the driver not showing up for some reason, the bus will depart from a station in Orlando on a north-northwesterly path following the curvature of Interstate 75 though the inhospitable central regions of Georgia, Tennessee, and Kentucky. Once it reaches Cincinnati, the bus will alter its attitude due east and slingshot around the city, merging onto I-71 for the final 130 mile stretch to Cleveland.
“En route to Ohio the vehicle will pass through some of the most unforgiving environments known to science,” said Bolden, alluding to, among other areas, the barren vacuum of Appalachia with nothing going on for hundreds of miles. “But the dangers aren’t limited to outside the bus—whoever makes the journey will have to contend with a host of toxic smells; loud, unrelenting noises at all hours of the day and night; and highly unstable passengers with whom a lack of eye contact alone does not necessarily guarantee one’s personal safety.”

We also call some of those people "tax payers".

“Right now we are committed to putting a man on a bus to Cleveland and bringing him back safely, but ultimately Cleveland is just a stepping stone,” Lawton said. “If all goes as planned, we’ll have voyages to the outer reaches of Chicago, Minneapolis, and beyond.”

“And who knows?” he added. “Maybe it will even happen in my lifetime.” 

Or maybe not. The main thing is more funding, as long as we get that, its all good.