Real Resume and Cover Letter Excerpts

Maybe this is why I've been having such a hard time getting a better job:

These are taken from real resumes and cover letters and were printed in Fortune Magazine:

I demand a salary commiserate with my extensive experience.

I have lurnt Word Perfect 6.0 computor and spreadsheet progroms.

Received a plague for Salesperson of the Year.

Reason for leaving last job: maturity leave.

Wholly responsible for two (2) failed financial institutions.

Its best for employers that I not work with people.

You will want me to be Head Honcho in no time.

Am a perfectionist and rarely if if ever forget details.

Failed bar exam with relatively high grades.

Marital status: single. Unmarried. Unengaged. Uninvolved. No Commitments.

As indicted, I have over five years of analyzing investments.

Personal interests: donating blood. Fourteen gallons so far.

Note: Please don't miscontrue my 14 jobs as job-hopping. I have never quit a job.

Marital status: often. Children: various.

Finished eighth in my class of ten.

Lets meet, so you can ooh and aah over my experience.