Odds and Shorts

My ex-wife was deaf. She left me for a deaf friend of hers.
To be honest, I should have seen the signs.

What did the fish say when he swam into the wall?

Dam.

A man walks into a bar and says "I just got back from the battered woman's shelter, and boy are my arms tired."  Everyone laughed.  The man sat at the end of the bar drinking alone.  He was proud of the fine craftsmanship of the shelves he put up in the shelter's pantry, regardless of what others may think.

The Past, The Present and The Future walked into a bar.
It was tense.

My friends tell me I'm too condescending.
That means I talk down to people.

What do you call an Eskimo who's a Peeping Tom?

Itookalook

 

What's Forrest Gump's email password?

1forrest1

Why does a chicken coop have only two doors?
If it had four, it would be a chicken sedan.