All in the Family featured the curmudgeonly Archie Bunker. Archie was television’s most famous grouch, blunt, blustering, straightforward and untouched by the PC crowd. He was the archetype of the conservative male. Michael desprately tried to reeducate him, but he persisted in his breviloquence.

Looking back at the last 40 years, we realize: ARCHIE WAS RIGHT!


Top 50 List

I found a top 50 list of things all real men should know.  Keep in mind that its a list generated by Brits.  I'm not disparaging their manhood I'm just pointing out that they're Brits.

Revealed, the 50 things every 'real' man needs to know

Rather than reprint the list, I'll man up and confess to the ones I don't know and my explanation/excuse as an aside.

18.) Know the offside rule.  I assume this is soccer and I'm a little unclear but I think it involves not being farther down field than the ball.  I'll take a half point off.

19.) The year England won the World Cup.  I know this is soccer.  I don't care.

31.) What the football scores were at the weekend.  More soccer.
33.) When a woman says ‘Do what you want’ do not do what you want.  Like hell.  If a women tells you to do what you want, do it!  If she says, "Well dear if you want to go fishing this weekend...I guess", you don't let the final "s" sound fade away without being in the truck headed down the driveway.  If she didn't really mean it, too bad.

35.) What the biggest recent football transfers are. Again with the soccer.

42.) How to put someone in a recovery position.  I'm not sure what they are talking about.  I do know some basic first aid and rescue "positions".  Being Brits this could also be some sort of gay sex thing, in which case I'm totally clueless.

50. Who are favourites to win the Premier League.  Again with the soccer.

From the story:
While being able to undo a bra one-handed, understanding betting odds and how to choose a good wine all narrowly missed out on the list.
Knowing to never call a woman 'cuddly' or 'bubbly', what the first rule of the film Fight Club is and having an opinion on the best James Bond were also just outside the top 50 list.
Nearly half the men studied felt they weren't up to scratch based on the number of the 50 things they were able to tick off. Just 46 per cent felt they could consider themselves a 'manly' man.
A full 10% of British "real manhood" is tied up in soccer.  Granted they invented the sport.  On the other hand if winning the world cup is such an apparently rare event that you should know when Britain did it, how important can it be?

As far as the near miss items, I perfected the one hand unhook at 17.  I achieved it at 16 but the intricacies involved change a bit depending on if it is a 1 or 5 clasp model.  In my case I started small and worked into the big leagues.  It wasn't until 17 that I encountered and mastered the 5 clasp DD supper bra. 

I can choose a reasonably good wine if I know what everyone in the party prefers.  In the US, wine pairing for meals is something of an underdeveloped art.  As a rule most Americans aren't into the orthodox concept of pairing and generally prefer to drink wines they "like".  I'm not sure how my choices would stand up in continental company.

 I have some suggestions that should have made the list.

1. Build shelter
2. Find and purify water
3. Start a fire when your life depends on it
4. Kill and prepare your own food
5. Use/make primitive weapons
6. Master firearms
7. Use water craft and motorcycles

There's my seven to make up for my lack of soccer skills.  Add your own "real man skills" in the comments.


  1. Before I forget: Goldfinger. Two reasons 1. Sean Connery, 2. Pussy Galore.

  2. Susan1:38 PM

    As near as I can make out, one version of the off side rule is that if a ball is deemed to be in motion by one team, a member of the other team cannot touch it.

    And according to what I noticed from several sources, the refs don't always have a clue about what constitutes off sides either. So don't feel bad.

    As to the Bond movies, there is only ONE Bond, and that would be Sean Connery. 300 years old and STILL a stud. Have you ever watched Finding Forrester? He is in it and plays to type. IOW, a reclusive curmudgeon. But the smack down of the really snotty teacher at the end was awesome. It is a quiet little movie, well worth your time I think.

  3. Susan1:46 PM

    When they are talking about Football Res, they are probably referring to what we would call rugby. Where the men are men, and the women are scary as hell. From what I understand, their rugby is played similar to our football, only they are man enough to play it without all the padding that our guys play in.

    Back when I was a teen on vacation with my family, I saw a couple of rugby teams that were in town for a match, and I will tell you the women looked not only as large as the guys, but totally capable of taking them on and beating the shorts off them as well.

  4. I've not seen that movie. But now I'll have to keep an eye out for it.

  5. It's interesting how the Brits came up with a list of 50 things real men should know and nothing on the list included weaponry.

  6. How to properly field dress a deer. I realize you covered that. But it's important, manly stuff.

    How to catch a fish. How to milk a cow. How to sharpen a knife.

    How to deal with pests, like spiders, mice, and snakes. (answer, laugh at her carrying on about it).

    1. Susan9:24 PM

      Since I know a number of fellows who depend on the ladies to deliver them from the critters you have mentioned, I am not sure how impressed I am.

      I will however without hesitation turn over all grill duties to a man. Fire and men just seem to go together, and the meat just doesn't taste the same when I cook it.

  7. Giraffe,

    It's funny, I often forget that people can't do the four things you mentioned. I just assume that because I do something that everyone knows how to do it.

  8. - How to change a flat tire

    - How to change the oil

    - How to make a bow-drill fire

    - How to navigate in the woods

    1. Susan9:28 PM

      Not only should a man know about that stuff, but he needs to make sure the young drivers in his life who use his vehicle also know how to change a tire, and at least check the oil.

      I know at least two young men who have ruined vehicle engines because they literally did not know they were supposed to put oil in the engine every once in a while.

      Teaching girls how to do or at least recognize some of the basics regarding car maintenance will save them from being taken advantage of by dodgy mechanics.

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