All in the Family featured the curmudgeonly Archie Bunker. Archie was television’s most famous grouch, blunt, blustering, straightforward and untouched by the PC crowd. He was the archetype of the conservative male. Michael desprately tried to reeducate him, but he persisted in his breviloquence.

Looking back at the last 40 years, we realize: ARCHIE WAS RIGHT!


Owes Me a Beer

In college I worked with a fella named Len. Len (his real name btw) was big on trying to get laid and chased ANYTHING in a skirt. I hesitated when he told me how he fixed us up with these two girls he met, but I said yes, since he agreed to drive and pay our way into the comedy club that he said we were going to. I figured I’d get snockered, have a few laughs and watch him try to do a Captain Kirk.

We drove to Hamtramck to pick up the girls, and they’re a no show, but her mom tells Len of this bar they were going out to, they wanted to see the band.

We’re off to Roseville. I guess they were so hot for Len’s bod that they needed to drive across town to get a beer to cool down. Did I mention that it’s now about 6:00 on a Friday? Van Dyke to Seven Mile to Groesbeck, rush hour traffic northbound on a Friday, if you haven’t been a passenger in a car driven by a hormonally desperate boy hot on the trail of some polish chick, don’t, the life you save may be your own.

We make it to the bar, alive. I pay my two bucks. There is one table left, next to the stage half hidden behind the stage and a stack of speakers. The waitress comes buy and takes our order. This guy wearing a beard and shoulder length scraggly hair comes over and asks if he can join our table. I really don’t want him to but there isn’t another seat.

About then the manager gets on stage and announces the band isn't comming and folks start to head out the door to get their money back. Len is still convinced that the girls will show, wants to wait. My beer shows up and the waitress asks the scruffy man if he wants anything, he orders a Strohs. The waitress is a little slow getting back to our table, Len gets up to scout for our dates and I end up talking to Scruffy the Bum.

The waitress brings Scruffy his beer, he pats himself down looking for his nonexistent wallet, that he “forgot”. No dates, no comedy club, no band and now I’m buying beers for bums. This sucks. The place is mostly empty now but Scruffy is still hanging out talking about lots of crap. I’m not really paying attention. After about round four the manger comes by. Scruffy the Bum asks him if he’d mind if he played a few songs. The manager gets a big smile on his face and tells him ok.

Scruffy the bum finds a guitar, tunes it up, sets up on a bar stool, fools with the mike and then…

“On a long lonesome highway east of Omaha…”

After that tune he did another and another and it turned into a two and half hour set. About half way in he stopped and said, “I get a lot of flack for this song cause some think I sold out doing it.” Then he told us about how he was setting in bar in Detroit and some UAW guys were talking about how the industry was going down and they asked him to do something to help it out because they just got laid off from Chevrolet. Then he sang “Like a Rock”.

We never did catch up to those girls but, once I saw Bob Seger play acoustic for two bucks while setting 10 feet from the stage, and now you know how Chevy got their longest lasting theme song.

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