Engineers

Mechanical Engineers vs. Civil Engineers (Army View)

 Q: What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers?

 A: Mechanical engineers build weapons; civil engineers build targets.

 

Engineers are like Slinky's

Both aren't good for much but they are sure fun to push down the stairs.

 

A Engineer gets home from work and sees a note on the fridge from his wife. "This isn't working, I'm at my moms". he opens the fridge and checks the light, then grabs a beer and feels it cold. The engineer thinks to himself. "The fridge works fine"

 

How many software engineers does it take to change a lightbulb? None. They wouldn't do it. It's a hardware problem.

 

What's the difference between a chemical engineer and a chemist? Answer: about $50k a year

 

An architect, artist and engineer were discussing whether it was better to spend time with their wives or mistresses. The architect said "I like spending time with my wife building a firm foundation of a marriage." The artist said "I enjoy the time I spend with my mistress because of all the passion and energy." The engineer said "I enjoy both. If you have a wife and a mistress, both women think you are with the other so you can go to work get more done"

 

An engineering major sees classmate riding up on a new bike and asks when he got it. "I was walking back from the computer lab when the most beautiful woman I had ever seen rode up on this bike, stopped, took all her clothes off and said to me 'Take what you want!'" "Good choice," the friend replies. "The clothes probably wouldn't have fit you."

 

Question: What do engineers use for birth control?
Answer: Their personality.

 

Around the turn of the last century, a very famous electrical engineer gave up his trade and decided to travel around the world and discover other cultures. On his way back through the US, he stumbled upon a very poor and isolated Navajo village. He was so awed that his fellow Americans could be living in such destitution, that he sought out the Chief, to see what he could do to help. After several hours, the engineer finally succeeded in explaining the concept of electricity to the Chief, he implored the Chief to think of some way to implement the new technology.

After a few minutes, the Chief scratched his head and said, "Well, you know the outhouse is very cold and dark in the winter. Perhaps a light bulb would make that a better place for our people.

Needless to say, the engineer fulfilled the request, and became the first tourist to wire ahead for a reservation.