Q: Why does Santa Claus go down the chimney on Christmas Eve?
A: Because it soot's him
Q: Why is Santa so jolly?
A: Because he knows where all the naughty girls live.
Q: Why was Santa's little helper depressed?
A: Because he had low elf esteem.
Q: What does Santa bring naughty boys and girls on Christmas Eve?
A: A pack of batteries which at the bottom says "toy not included".
Q: What's the difference between snowmen and snowladies ?
Q: What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
Q: What nationality is Santa Claus?
A: North Polish.
The year you stop believing in Santa Claus is the year you start getting clothes for Christmas.
A mafioso’s son sits at his desk writing a Christmas list to Jesus. He first writes, ‘Dear baby Jesus, I have been a good boy the whole year, so I want a new…’ He looks at it, then crumples it up into a ball and throws it away. He gets out a new piece of paper and writes again, ‘Dear baby Jesus, I have been a good boy for most of the year, so I want a new…’ He again looks at it with disgust and throws it away. He then gets an idea. He goes into his mother’s room, takes a statue of the Virgin Mary, puts it in the closet, and locks the door. He takes another piece of paper and writes, ‘Dear baby Jesus. If you ever want to see your mother again…’
Husband: A man who buys his football tickets four months in advance and waits until 24 December to do his Christmas shopping.