xmas-BJW

 

Will: Where do snowmen keep their money?
Bill: Beats me.
Will: In a snow bank.

“Christmas is in my heart twelve months a year and thanks to credit cards, it’s on my Visa card statement twelve months a year also.”

 

 

I tell my kids that Santa is fat because he eats the children who get up early on Christmas morning. That way, I get to sleep in.

 

 

 



Two kids are on their way to Sunday school when one says to the other, “What do you think about this Satan stuff?”

“Well, you remember Santa? This could turn out to be your dad too.”

 

My wife took our three-year-old to church for the first time. Getting impatient while waiting for the Mass to start, he turned to her and asked, "What time does Jesus get here?"

Just as I began my Christmas Eve service, the electricity in the church failed. The ushers and I found some candles and placed them around the sanctuary. Then I reentered the pulpit, shuffled my notes, and muttered, “Now, where was I?”

A tired voice called out, “Right near the end!”

 

 

If you see a fat man…
Who’s jolly and cute,
wearing a beard
and a red flannel suit,
and if he is chuckling
and laughing away,
while flying around
in a miniature sleigh
with eight tiny reindeer
to pull him along,
then lets face it…
Your eggnog’s too strong!!!

 

 

Q: Why weren’t there any nativity scenes in Washington D.C.?
A: They couldn’t find three wise men or a virgin.