They genuinely can't understand the concept of standing up for someone because that someone stood up for you, even if you don't like him, respect him, or want anything to do with him.Vox's post reminded me of a story from when Mrs. Ipsa and I were first married.
I had a good friend that I used to hang out with. Mrs. Ipsa did not then, does not now and probably never will approve of this person. One day when she was frustrated with not understanding or liking my spending time with him she asked me why he was my friend.
Now here is the thing, every character flaw, bad behavior, etc she objected to was real. He really was all those negative things. I don't have an excuse for that. My answer was, "he is my friend because he is my friend".
That's it, that's the whole reason he is my friend is because he was my friend. I wasn't disowning him just because I got married.
Did you ever at all figure out why the guy was your friend so you could tell your wife? We wives sometimes like to have some kind of explanation for the inexplicable "why" so the rest makes sense in our heads.
ReplyDeleteMy own hubby used to have one of those in his life about 15 years ago. Once he told me the "why" of it, I actually understood and stopped giving him grief over it.
You are also very right in your final statement. You never disown a friend just because you get married. That goes for women too. Sorry guys.
Unless of course, said spouse gives a really REALLY good reason for why you should. Speaking from experience, there are good reasons.
Susan,
ReplyDeleteI typed up a decent reply. Then the internet ate it. She gets it now after having a similar friend of her own.
Take a trip over to Rabbi B's I think you'll enjoy the most recent thread.