The Valentine’s Day Ten Commandments

I know these are a little late, but its BJW not on time joke Wednesday.

I. I am thy Main Squeeze; thou shalt have no other squeeze before me.

II. Thou shalt not take the name of thy Squeeze in vain, nor badmouth her behind her back.

III. Remember our Anniversary, and keep it holy–or else.

IV. Honor MY mother and father. THINE are just too weird.

V. Thou shalt not kill my love by behaving tackily or cause undo embarrassment when I am with thee.

VI. Thou shalt not commit adultery, nor shalt thou even THINK about it least you be smitten from the earth.

VII. Thou shalt not steal from my wallet/purse while I am at my bath, nor use my credit cards, nor make long-distance calls from my telephone.

VIII. Thou shalt not talk about our personal problems to our friends.

IX. Thou shalt not covet the higher market price of thy neighbor’s house without first puttin’ down the remote and learnin’ how to use a paintbrush!

X. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s main Squeeze, nor his stereo, nor his BMW, nor anything else that belongs to thy neighbor.