Energizer Bunny arrested - charged with battery.
A pessimist's blood type is always b-negative.
Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death.
I used to work in a blanket factory, but it folded.
Marriage is the mourning after the knot before.
A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
Corduroy pillows are making headlines.
Sea captains don't like crew cuts.
Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
A successful diet is the triumph of mind over platter.
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
A gossip is someone with a great sense of rumor.
Without geometry, life is pointless.
When you dream in color, it's a pigment of your
imagination.
Reading whilst sunbathing makes you well-red.
When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.
A successful diet is the triumph of mind over platter.
ReplyDeleteThere are a lot of puns in this vein:
- The ability to resist eating raw cookie dough is mind over batter.
- Focusing on one's own conversation at a loud party is mind over chatter.
- Climbing up on the roof to enact repairs despite a fear of heights is mind over ladder.
- Not being afraid to go out in public in old clothes is mind over tatter.
And of course, puns like these lie at the heart of every Shaggy Dog story.
I think the first of these that I ever heard was the fruit flies one. As a young child, it didn't make sense to me at first...but after putting some thought into it, a lightbulb came on and I've had a fondness for puns ever since.
Some of my own originals:
- When Wrigley's used to ship their products by rail, it was called the chew-chew train.
- Any children's game sold at a garage sale with missing pieces should be labelled "Pair o' dice lost"
- Breeding rabbits for food is a real hare-raising experience.
More of a short Shaggy Dog story than a pun:
- When four prostitutes in Nevada formed a new corporation to sell stock and expand their legal brothel operations, they hired a team of financial advisors to oversee the process. And when the whole deal fell through, the advisors became known as The Four Whores' Men of the IPO Collapse.
And finally, a real, honest to goodness Shaggy Dog:
An old English gentleman was out hunting red deer one day with a younger friend, and happened across a six-year-old stag standing out in a field. Taking careful aim with his rifle, he nonetheless missed the kill shot though he did manage to wound the beast. It took off across the field, leaving a trail of blood behind it. The older hunter told the younger one to stay put in case it circled back toward him, and took off following the blood trail.
Meanwhile, a flamboyant transvestite nicknamed Peacock was preparing to open his disco club in a nearby town. He unlocked the back door to carry in some bottles of liquor from his lorry, and as he turned toward the vehicle, he saw the wounded stag come loping across the parking lot and bolt straight into the building through the open door. Astonished, Peacock didn't know what to do, until he spied the hunter coming across the field, following the trail of blood.
Thinking quickly, Peacock closed and locked the doors, shutting the stag inside and thereby saving its life. The hunter approached the building and, upon noticing that the trail ended at the door, inquired of the flamboyantly dressed man standing beside it if he had seen a deer come through.
When Peacock replied that there had been no deer around today, the hunter realized he was stymied. Since it had gone onto somebody else's property, he could no longer chase after it, so he turned and headed back to where he had left his companion.
As the younger man saw the old gentleman returning, he asked excitedly, "Did you get it? Where is he?"
The old man sighed, and said resignedly, "I lost my hart in some tranny's disco."
The Four Whores' Men of the IPO Collapse.
ReplyDeleteBaaad.
"I lost my hart in some tranny's disco."
Worse
Sometimes it hurts so bad you have to laugh.
""I lost my hart in some tranny's disco."
ReplyDeleteWorse"
Yeah, but from now on, everytime you hear a strain of that song (even if it's only in your head), you'll be reminded of the tranny's disco version, and smile.
And if my BJW contribution can make somebody smile years from now, I've succeeded.
Another version of one of the puns in your original post:
ReplyDeleteA quid pro quo agreement between two politicians to vote for each others' bills is an aye for an aye.
I like the bad joke. They can come in handy in all kinds of situations.
ReplyDelete???
ReplyDeleteLike when you're lost in the wilderness and you can use one to start a fire?
Ice breakers mostly.
ReplyDeleteOh, well, sure, it's "handy" in that sense.
ReplyDeleteBut I'd still rather have a good firestarter.
Or a machete.
They can also double as icebreakers.
machete yes. fire starter no, it can only melt the ice.
ReplyDelete