When Chuck Norris was in middle school, his English teacher assigned an essay: “What is courage?” He received an A+ for turning in a blank page with only his name at the top.
When a zombie apocalypses starts, Chuck Norris doesn't try to survive. The zombies do.
Jack was nimble, Jack was quick, but Jack still couldn't dodge Chuck Norris' roundhouse kick.
Chuck Norris knows Victoria's secret.
There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
The reason the Holy Grail has never been recovered is because nobody is brave enough to ask Chuck Norris to give up his favourite coffee mug.
Chuck Norris can speak French... In Russian.
Chuck Norris once climbed Mt. Everest in 15 minutes, 14 of which he was building a snowman at the bottom.
Chuck Norris can cut a knife with butter.
Chuck Norris doesn't have good aim. His bullets just know better than to miss.
Chuck Norris turned down the Terminator roles because he hates chick flicks.
Death once had a near-Chuck-Norris experience.
Some kids piss their name in the snow. Chuck Norris can piss his name into concrete.
Chuck Norris was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.
If you spell Chuck Norris wrong on Google it doesn't say, "Did you mean Chuck Norris?" It simply replies, "Run while you still have the chance."
Chuck Norris puts the "laughter" in "manslaughter".
Chuck Norris counted to infinity. Twice.
M.C. Hammer learned the hard way that Chuck Norris can touch this.
Bill Gates lives in constant fear that Chuck Norris' PC will crash.
On a high school math test, Chuck Norris put down "Violence" as every one of the answers. He got an A+ on the test because Chuck Norris solves all his problems with Violence.
Chuck Norris is the reason Waldo is hiding.
The saddest moment for a child is not when he learns Santa Claus isn't real, it's when he learns Chuck Norris is.
Chuck Norris beat Halo 1, 2, and 3 on Legendary with a broken Guitar Hero controller.
Chuck Norris plays Russian roulette with a fully loaded revolver... and wins.
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story: Chuck Norris once swallowed a turtle whole, and when he crapped it out, the turtle was six feet tall and had learned karate.
Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.
Chuck Norris can make a Taylor Swift relationship last.
Chuck Norris is the only person in the world that can actually email a roundhouse kick.
Chuck Norris once shot an enemy plane down with his finger by yelling, "Bang!"
Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.
The first person to ever receive a roundhouse kick from Chuck Norris was the doctor who administered his birth slap.
ReplyDeleteEvery single nation in the world is deathly afraid that Chuck Norris might someday be elected President of the USA. He won't do it, though -- it would be a step down for him.
Chuck Norris never receives phone calls, because all of the phones are afraid of annoying him with their ringing.
After spewing my morning coffee all over the desk and keyboard, I have come to the decision that I can't read your blog while drinking any liquids. This post goes into my hall of fame favorites for BJW.
ReplyDeleteNot only did you find some new ones for us, but they all were great jokes. Chuck Norris and ABBA are two things that most people love but they aren't sure why, and could not give you a good, logical reason.
Take a bow Res, this week was great!
To paraphrase one I read years ago,
ReplyDeleteThere are no such thing as earthquakes, that is Chuck Norris doing his daily pushups.
Susan,
ReplyDeleteI don't think Chuck Norris likes ABBA. That's why they don't tour anymore. :-)
Your are welcome. BJW used to be a feature over at Nates but he quit doing it sometime ago. I picked it up. It's not too hard to keep up with if you use bloggers schedule feature and queue the posts up in advance.
Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
ReplyDeleteI haven't gotten around to doing anything about Annon comments, but I will delete spam.
ReplyDeleteChuck Norris isn't a badass. He is just a dumb actor. He doesn't know what we are thinking. If he did he'd know what a wuss I think he is and he'd come to my house and slam my head into the keyb edtej6u!
ReplyDeleteRes, I think you have an alter ego playing in the comments.
ReplyDeleteChuck Norris is just one of those guys you either like or you don't. I happen to like him, and I like all the jokes about him.
Maybe I like him for the simple reason that he doesn't take himself too seriously. Hard to find that in Hollywood these days.
Susan,
ReplyDeleteI have more than one computer I use. On the one I have to use the name/url identity to post, so it looks different.