Exercise Rant

This is week 6 of the Res Ipsa get off your old fat butt and get in shape exercise program.  I've had some ups and downs but I'm still hanging in there and I'm increasing the amount of weight I'm lifting on schedule.  My cardio work out is also coming along although not as fast.  Everything is slowly and steadily improving.  I haven't lost as much weight as I want, but clothes are fitting better and I can see and feel muscles hardening.

The decision to go back to the gym has been a good one.  Mostly. 

I like women.  Women are attractive, entertaining and a wonderful addition to the male's life.  My mother is a women, my wife is a women, my precious daughter is going to grow up to be a women.  Even the best hunting dog I ever owned was female.  I love women.  They are great addition to almost every place a man wants to go.  Almost every place.

There are exceptions.  Among other places, women have no place in a gym frequented by men.  None.  No there aren't exceptions.  It doesn't matter if she is cleaning, with her boyfriend etc. 

I go to the gym to work out.  Not socialize.  Not to trade recipes, especially with someone with no idea how to use a sauté pan.  Not meet women.  I don't talk to the other men.  I don't want to talk to you either.  Ladies get a clue.  Do you see how guys interact at the gym?  Let me break it down for you.  We don't talk to each other.  We nod.  We grunt.  If we are forced to actually speak to each other, we wait till the other man is done doing whatever it was he was doing.  When that happens we keep it brief and then we GO AWAY.  For example:  "Are you done with that bench"?  "No, I've got 3 more sets of 8 to finish off."  "Ok".  That's it .  We don't need to say anything else.  Frankly we are a little embarrassed that we had to say that much.

Tonight I went to the gym after work.  I was a little put out by the large number of cars parked outside and I was curious how that was going to affect my workout.  On my way to the locker room I looked around to see how many people would potentially get in my way.  At first I was relieved to see that it was women, since they only do cardio and wouldn't be in my way.  One of the women was the hot chick in pink (HCIP).  She isn't really hot, but she is hotter than the other regulars. I have no idea what their names are.  They always come and hang out together.  The first is Fit but Ugly (FBU).  The second is her friend Fat and Plain (FAP).

I wanted to get some time in on the bench.  Last week I increased the weight I was pressing but I was rushing my set and my form was bad.  Tonight was all about focusing on form and pushing the new heaver weight.  First up on my to do list was the decline bench press. 

For the first time ever, HCIP decides she needs to work out with weights.  This would have been more than enough distraction all on its own.  I remind myself to divert my eyes and pay no attention to her. 

There isn't a dignified way to get onto a decline bench.  Plus due to hanging upside down, its not automatically comfortable for the boys, if you get my drift.  Right as I'm going to reach up and give the boys a little readjustment tug, HCIP has to come and inquire how long I'm going to be using the equipment.  "6 sets of 10", I say.  "What?"  "I've got 6 sets of 10 reps to do then I'll get off".  She doesn't go away.  I really want her to at least turn around so I can give the boys a much needed readjustment.  No such luck.  "Are you going to do it or what?".

Ah jeez.  No adjustment.  Up goes the bar.  Down goes the bar.  "One". "Two".  She turns and leaves.  "Three".  "Four".  The boys are really unhappy with me now.  OK I'm half way.  FAP waddles over.  "Hey" she says in her best perky, flirty, I'm not 30 yet voice.  "Six".  She plops herself in the Leg Curl machine by my head.  "I've seen you in here a lot".  "Eight".  I'm not going to make it.  "Nine".  Don't get distracted.  I don't need a fat chick that has hit the wall of attractiveness and is checking me out to see if maybe...  Concentrate!  My arms hurt.  My head hurts.  The boys hurt.  This set is taking twice as long as it should.  "Ten".  The bar goes back in the bracket.

All I want out of my dog is companionship, energetic hunting, solid points, steady to wing and shot and retrieval.  All I want out of my truck is reliable transportation.  All I want out of my hobbies is to have a good time.  All I want out of my gym membership is good clean equipment and a quite place to workout.  If you are a female, that due to the misguided trend in our culture of co-ed everything,  finds yourself nominally in my company at the gym, all I want from you is nothing.  Go away.