All in the Family featured the curmudgeonly Archie Bunker. Archie was television’s most famous grouch, blunt, blustering, straightforward and untouched by the PC crowd. He was the archetype of the conservative male. Michael desprately tried to reeducate him, but he persisted in his breviloquence.



Looking back at the last 40 years, we realize: ARCHIE WAS RIGHT!

3/04/2014

Exercise Rant

This is week 6 of the Res Ipsa get off your old fat butt and get in shape exercise program.  I've had some ups and downs but I'm still hanging in there and I'm increasing the amount of weight I'm lifting on schedule.  My cardio work out is also coming along although not as fast.  Everything is slowly and steadily improving.  I haven't lost as much weight as I want, but clothes are fitting better and I can see and feel muscles hardening.

The decision to go back to the gym has been a good one.  Mostly. 

I like women.  Women are attractive, entertaining and a wonderful addition to the male's life.  My mother is a women, my wife is a women, my precious daughter is going to grow up to be a women.  Even the best hunting dog I ever owned was female.  I love women.  They are great addition to almost every place a man wants to go.  Almost every place.

There are exceptions.  Among other places, women have no place in a gym frequented by men.  None.  No there aren't exceptions.  It doesn't matter if she is cleaning, with her boyfriend etc. 

I go to the gym to work out.  Not socialize.  Not to trade recipes, especially with someone with no idea how to use a sauté pan.  Not meet women.  I don't talk to the other men.  I don't want to talk to you either.  Ladies get a clue.  Do you see how guys interact at the gym?  Let me break it down for you.  We don't talk to each other.  We nod.  We grunt.  If we are forced to actually speak to each other, we wait till the other man is done doing whatever it was he was doing.  When that happens we keep it brief and then we GO AWAY.  For example:  "Are you done with that bench"?  "No, I've got 3 more sets of 8 to finish off."  "Ok".  That's it .  We don't need to say anything else.  Frankly we are a little embarrassed that we had to say that much.

Tonight I went to the gym after work.  I was a little put out by the large number of cars parked outside and I was curious how that was going to affect my workout.  On my way to the locker room I looked around to see how many people would potentially get in my way.  At first I was relieved to see that it was women, since they only do cardio and wouldn't be in my way.  One of the women was the hot chick in pink (HCIP).  She isn't really hot, but she is hotter than the other regulars. I have no idea what their names are.  They always come and hang out together.  The first is Fit but Ugly (FBU).  The second is her friend Fat and Plain (FAP).

I wanted to get some time in on the bench.  Last week I increased the weight I was pressing but I was rushing my set and my form was bad.  Tonight was all about focusing on form and pushing the new heaver weight.  First up on my to do list was the decline bench press. 

For the first time ever, HCIP decides she needs to work out with weights.  This would have been more than enough distraction all on its own.  I remind myself to divert my eyes and pay no attention to her. 

There isn't a dignified way to get onto a decline bench.  Plus due to hanging upside down, its not automatically comfortable for the boys, if you get my drift.  Right as I'm going to reach up and give the boys a little readjustment tug, HCIP has to come and inquire how long I'm going to be using the equipment.  "6 sets of 10", I say.  "What?"  "I've got 6 sets of 10 reps to do then I'll get off".  She doesn't go away.  I really want her to at least turn around so I can give the boys a much needed readjustment.  No such luck.  "Are you going to do it or what?".

Ah jeez.  No adjustment.  Up goes the bar.  Down goes the bar.  "One". "Two".  She turns and leaves.  "Three".  "Four".  The boys are really unhappy with me now.  OK I'm half way.  FAP waddles over.  "Hey" she says in her best perky, flirty, I'm not 30 yet voice.  "Six".  She plops herself in the Leg Curl machine by my head.  "I've seen you in here a lot".  "Eight".  I'm not going to make it.  "Nine".  Don't get distracted.  I don't need a fat chick that has hit the wall of attractiveness and is checking me out to see if maybe...  Concentrate!  My arms hurt.  My head hurts.  The boys hurt.  This set is taking twice as long as it should.  "Ten".  The bar goes back in the bracket.

All I want out of my dog is companionship, energetic hunting, solid points, steady to wing and shot and retrieval.  All I want out of my truck is reliable transportation.  All I want out of my hobbies is to have a good time.  All I want out of my gym membership is good clean equipment and a quite place to workout.  If you are a female, that due to the misguided trend in our culture of co-ed everything,  finds yourself nominally in my company at the gym, all I want from you is nothing.  Go away.

12 comments:

Billiam said...

Unfortunately, Res, this is the age of the femi-nazi. The age where men in general, and white men in particular, especially conservative sorts, have no right. Nor are men in general allowed to have a "guys only" place. That drives the tyrannical little harpies insane. It must NOT be allowed to stand. Kind of like explaining to them that women are NOT equal to men in all ways. makes their eyes bleed.

Res Ipsa said...

This gym is owned by a women. She advertises to women. In theory I don't have a problem with any of that. What I don't like is the female assumption that men want to relate to them the same way they relate to each other.

I'm pushing more weight than all of the girls in the place could put up if they could all magically push the bar together. By a mans standard its not that much. Heck by my standard 20 years ago its wimpy. I have to focus and stay focused to do it. I don't want to talk. No man would start up a conversation with me as I'm doing apparently heavy reps.

When I was doing Lat Pull downs I was regaled with a story about how to (incorrectly) do a sauté. I don't care about a wonderful flank stake recipe. I care that I don't lose my grip on the bar or tweak my weak side arm again.

Giraffe said...

Lighten up Res. Studies show that men will work out a lot harder when women are present. You should be getting a better workout.

Giraffe said...

Practice your rudeness. Get an ipod with some earbuds. Smell really bad.

Susan said...

Res, sometimes I think you are too polite for your own good. There has to be a firm way you can get your point across to them. Is this the only gym in town for you to use?

You know if you tell them how to correctly use that pan, you will never get them to shut up don't you? You will then be "one of the girls".

black said...

Even though it's frustrating.. Keep it up. Happy for you, man. Is your wife liking it?

WaterBoy said...

Any possibility of a home gym, instead? The cardio is easy enough, but the weights might be a problem -- are you using free weights or a machine? You can sometimes find good deals on either on Craigslist, if you have the space to put it. Heck, you might even save money over gym membership costs in the long run.

Roger Cook said...

Adjust the boys anyway.

For extra points, look deep into her eyes while you do it.

Res Ipsa said...

Giraffe, that is only true when I'm on the elliptical and they are in the cardio room. I can tell if they are going faster than me.

Susan, The gym is the only 24 hour place around. The only time slot I have is after work, which means I'm going at the end of my shift, around 12:00am.

Believe me I know, you never tell a women how to cook. Even the ones who have never boiled water think they know more about the topic than any man who doesn't have his own cooking show.

Res Ipsa said...

Black,

Mrs Ipsa made a positive comment about my triceps in an intimate moment last week. It's funny how the muscle groups react differently and which ones show the most improvement first. My calves and arms (biceps excluded) are looking great while other muscles are performing better but not showing it due to the amount of weight I need to lose.

Waterboy,

The gym costs me $39 a month. To buy half of what I use would set me back thousands. I don't have room for the treadmill and sky machine doubling as clothes racks at my house now. On the psychological side I'm more likely to do/use something like the membership simply because I've paid for it.

Roger, I thought about making a smart remark to her but I held my tongue.

Roger Cook said...

How'd you lift, then?

Susan said...

Actually Res, I was thinking more along the lines of, after the initial shock wears off, the women might actually listen as you intelligently discuss the usage of this pan. And then you would never get rid of them, due to that fact that you have exposed the fact that you know how to cook. They will ask you every question under the sun.

One of the worst disasters as a result of budget cutting in schools is the fact that Home Ec is no longer taught as a required subject in Jr. and Sr. high schools now. So as a result, you have at least 2 generations of women who can't cook properly or feed their families anything but processed food.