All in the Family featured the curmudgeonly Archie Bunker. Archie was television’s most famous grouch, blunt, blustering, straightforward and untouched by the PC crowd. He was the archetype of the conservative male. Michael desprately tried to reeducate him, but he persisted in his breviloquence.

Looking back at the last 40 years, we realize: ARCHIE WAS RIGHT!


Boycott Cinco De Mayo

Cinco de Mayo or the Fifth of May commemorates the 1862 victory by Mexican forces, including ordinary citizens, over French soldiers. The battle known as La Batalla de Puebla, took place on May 5th.

The holiday is of little importance in Mexico. It has a much larger following north of the boarder. In the US it’s become a commercial success for sellers of taco’s, tequila and cheep near skunk beer.

What is it we’re celebrating? In 1862 a bunch of half-starved Mexican peasants opened up a can of whoop-ass on the French. Big deal. Lots of nations have kicked French butt over the years. The Germans did it twice. Last month the religion of peace nearly burnt half their country down.

Beating the French isn’t reason for a party, its par for the course. What exactly have the Mexicans done for us that we should celebrate their minor accomplishment?

  1. 95% of warrants for murder in Los Angeles are for illegal aliens.
  2. 29% of inmates in federal prisons are illegal aliens.
  3. Nearly 60% of all occupants of HUD properties are illegal.
  4. 36% of illegal aliens are on welfare. The cost of immigration to the American taxpayer in 1997 was a NET (after subtracting taxes immigrants pay) $70 BILLION a year.
  5. The lifetime fiscal impact (taxes paid minus services used) for the average adult Mexican immigrant is a NEGATIVE.

I’m boycotting Cinco de Mayo this year. It’s a non-holiday about a non-event celebrated by non-Americans, in an unmanly way.

Yes I said unmanly. The two most common libations are margaritas and Corona. Margaritas are a foo-foo chick drink, except when sexually confused foo-foo male hairdressers are quaffing them. In Mexico Corona is a chick beer, marketed to and sold to women. It got popular in the US because of Tom Cruise. Arguably a nut job if not light in his loafers.

Corona’s a chick beer and the Mexicans I know laugh every time they see a gringo order one. If you must drink Mexican beer, be a man about it and crack open a Negra Modelo, Dos Eques or a pulque. Beer that requires a slice of fruit isn’t something a man should be sucking on. If you must celebrate un-American holidays at least don’t embarrass yourself by quaffing queer.

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