L.L.L.

One of the cool things about having a baby is you get to learn so much about science and biology that you never would have otherwise.

One of the not so cool things about having a baby is the pseudo-science moonbats that chase you down. I’m referring to the Mammary Nazi’s of das La Leche League. Before ya’ll start firing off pro mommy comments I admit:

1. Breast feeding is best, God made it that way for a reason.
2. Yes its possible to have a baby without a doctor, women have done it for thousands of years
3. You can have a baby without going in a hospital
4. Natural child birth, is natural i.e. normal thus the name
5. They do things differently in the third word

I know LLL types who are nice people, I’m not talking about them. I’m talking about the zealot nut jobs who believe boobs are the answer (they are, but that’s recreation not procreation) to everything and modern medicine is voodoo.

If your 7 year old walks into the room and pulls your blouse up, pops your tit out and takes a swig, and neither he nor you care that I’m setting across the table, don't give me advice about anything, ever.

My response:

1. Doctors might not be needed 93% of the time to deliver a baby but isn’t it nice to have one handy the other 7%?
2. Hospitals aren’t totally necessary but they have all those doctors, and medicines and the machine that goes “ping” right there convenient like.
3. Sure you CAN have a baby without going to a hospital but what if you need one after? Isn’t it rude to make your doula drop her roach clip and drive to the hospital?
4. We intend to breast feed, but we will be stopping long before the kid is old enough to drink beer.
5. Sure things are different in Africa, they got diseases, they live in huts with their goats, half the people die before they make 50, they chop arms and legs off little kids if they don’t work hard enough in the mines: you like it so much move there.
6. I know what a large scale double blind medical research trail is. I’ve read several, my wife has read hundreds. When you email me a bunch of crap that I didn’t ask for, please feel free to include information from one to back up your point. Testimonials are great in advertising but I’m not risking my wife or my child on an old wives tale.

I’m done ranting, word em up.