All in the Family featured the curmudgeonly Archie Bunker. Archie was television’s most famous grouch, blunt, blustering, straightforward and untouched by the PC crowd. He was the archetype of the conservative male. Michael desprately tried to reeducate him, but he persisted in his breviloquence.

Looking back at the last 40 years, we realize: ARCHIE WAS RIGHT!


2nd Annual Vox ILK Rafting Trip

This Saturday was our annual pilgrimage to worship at the whitewater alter.

Since all the rafters were experienced adrenaline junkies we opted for a class V section of the Arkansas River, locally know as the Gauntlet. The same run we made last year.

There is run we’ve been dieing to make since we first learned of it, a section of the Upper Colorado known as Gore Canon. Unfortunately it’s not commercially raftable until late July or August. NEEDING a whitewater fix we opted to repeat last years excellent run.

The whitewater gods were unkind to us. The Gauntlet is closed to rafting at water levels above 2400 cfs. The river was running over that. Our class V wonder trip was stolen from us. The outfitter offered us a 28 mile make up run thru the Narrows and Brows Canon. We took it.

The rafting was good with a handful of excellent holes and hydraulics. Our guide Kristin was competent and fun. I’ve never run with a female guide before, there just aren’t many of them. She did an excellent job in maximizing our enjoyment. We were ridding a class V craft with 4 of the other boat mates coming from Minnesota.

If you have a stereotypical mental image of a Minnesotan that’s these guys, not too bright and they talk funny. I’m not being fair, one guy was pretty cool, but he was only related to the other three by marriage so he didn’t share the same genes that caused them to be unable to paddle in unison, pay attention, or obey the guide’s commands. The poor girl spent the trip repeating silly things that fell on def ears like, “forward, all together now…ALL TOGETHER NOW!!!, IN UNISON, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD CAN”T YOU PADDLE TOGETHER”

In a way the whitewater gods may have been looking out for us Saturday, in a typical paddle or die class V, a boatload of dumb and uncoordinated slackers can get you unrafted and killed.

Speaking of unrafted. As guides are wont to do, ours liked to tell stories. I being a vast source of trivia had to correct her. Do you know that old saying? You can tell a woman but you can’t tell her much. Kristin took it in stride and to her credit admitted some of her facts were wrong. So far so good. Kristen changed the topic to where the two boys in front were going to college. Then she said, “Like, my college got a really gooder education, for sure”.

I just had to repeat her in a slightly (for comic effect you understand) mocking tone. She, thinking I was making fun of the “for sure” part piped in, the school was in southern California. I don’t remember if I said it out loud or just mouthed the words “that explains it”. What followed was a mad women hitting me with a paddle trying to push me out of the raft. Water Boy, the ever faithful friend and rafting buddy, sat there laughing at me, rooting for her.

I should have remembered this little incident when a few miles latter she offered us a chance to swim a class II rapid. Being eager to prove that my balls are bigger than my brain, I jumped in. Colorado rivers are composed of water that as little as 24 hours before was snow. My balls bigger than brain theory, went right out the window as soon as “The Guys” hit the river. If ya know what I mean.

The trip was a blast and ridding back to Chez Water Boy with the top down on the convertible toped off a great day. Dinner was the usual ribeye spread and libations extravaganza. A good time was had by all.

The year isn’t over, and the rafting season has just begun we might still get to Gore. If you want to go, let me know.

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