All in the Family featured the curmudgeonly Archie Bunker. Archie was television’s most famous grouch, blunt, blustering, straightforward and untouched by the PC crowd. He was the archetype of the conservative male. Michael desprately tried to reeducate him, but he persisted in his breviloquence.



Looking back at the last 40 years, we realize: ARCHIE WAS RIGHT!

1/29/2014

The Choir Top 10

Top Ten Reasons for Being a Tenor:

10) Tenors get high -- without drugs.

9) Name a musical where the bass got the girl.

8) You can show the sopranos how it SHOULD be sung.

7) Did you ever hear of anyone paying $1,000 for a ticket to see The Three Basses?

6) Who needs brains when you've got resonance?

5) Tenors never have to waste time looking through the self-improvement section of the bookstore.

4) You can sing along with John Denver on "Aye Calypso."

3) When you get really good at falsetto, you can make tons of money doing voice-overs for cartoon characters.

2) Gregorian chant was practically invented for tenors.  Nobody invented a genre for basses.

1) You can entertain your friends by impersonating Julia Child.


Top Ten Reasons for Being a Bass:

10) You don't have to tighten your shorts to reach your note.

9) You don't have to worry about a woman stealing your job.

8) Or a pre-adolescent boy.

7) Action heroes are always basses. That is -- if they ever sang, they would sing bass.

6) You get great memorable lyrics like bop, bop, bop, bop (boong ching ... boong chi-ching).

5) If the singing job doesn't work out, there's always broadcasting.

4) You never need to learn to read treble clef.

3) If you get a cold, so what.

2) For fun, you can sing at the bottom of your range and fool people into thinking there's an earthquake.

1) If you belch while you're singing, the audience just thinks it's part of the score.


Top Ten Reasons for Being a Soprano:

10) The rest of the choir exists just to make you look good.

9) You can entertain your friends by breaking their wine glasses.

8) Can you name an opera where an alto got the man?

7) When sopranos sing in the shower, they know the tune.

6) You are never going to sing the alto part by accident.

5) Great costumes -- like the hat with the horns on it.

4) How many world-famous altos can you name?

3) When the fat lady sings, she's usually singing soprano.

2) When you get tired of the tune, you can sing the descant.

1) You can sing along with Michael Jackson.


Top Ten Reasons for Being an Alto

10) You get really good at singing E flat.

9) You get to sing the same note for 12 consecutive measures (tang ... tang ... tang ...).

8) No warm up needed to sing 12 consecutive bars of E flat.

7) If the choir really stinks, it's unlikely the altos will be blamed.

6) You have lots of time to chat during soprano solos.

5) You get to pretend that you are better than the sopranos, because everybody knows that women only sing soprano so they don't have to learn to read music.

4) You can sometimes find part-time work singing tenor.

3) Altos get all the great intervals.

2) When the sopranos are holding some outrageously high note at the end of an anthem, the altos always get the last words.

1) When the altos miss a note, nobody gets hurt.

4 comments:

Susan said...

This list is why both Barry White and Isaac Hayes will always be "Da Man" for me. I enjoy Denver, Pavarotti and Domingo, but a bass really melts my innards. Statler Brothers combines the best of both worlds.

I think my top favorite best reason though is the tenor #4, singing along with John Denver.

Res Ipsa said...

I went to a small private school. In order to have a choir everyone was drafted into the program. Despite my best efforts to avoid the draft I was roped in. I'm glad I had the experience. There is a lot of truth to the list.

Susan said...

The best comedy always has a kernel of truth in it. That is why most of the current comics are so bad. Their comedy is based on their political agenda which has no truth in it at all.

Res Ipsa said...

George Carlin was the last of the funny liberal comics. For the last several years he was alive I didn't listen to him anymore either.