The 2015 Dietary Advisory Committee Report: A Summary
Last week, the Dietary Guidelines Advisory Committee released the report containing its recommendations for the 2015 Dietary Guidelines for Americans. The report is 572 pages long, more than 100 pages longer than the last report, released 5 years ago. Longer than one of my blog posts, even. Despite its length, and the tortured governmentalese in which it is written, its message is pretty clear and simple. So for those of you who would like to know what the report says, but don’t want to read the whole damn thing, I present, below, its essence:
You are sick–and fat. And it’s all your fault.
Face it. You screwed up. Somewhere in the past few decades, you started eating too much food. Too much BAD food. We don’t know why. We think it is because you are stupid.
In 1977, a bunch of us got together to figure out how to make sure you would not get fat and sick. You weren’t fat and sick at the time, so we knew you needed our help.
We told you to eat more carbohydrates–a.k.a., sugars and starches–and less sugar. How simple is that? But could you follow this advice? Nooooooo. You’re too stupid.
We told you to eat food with less fat. We meant for you to buy a copy of the Moosewood Cookbook and eat kale and lentils and quinoa. But no, you were too stupid for that too. Instead, you started eating PRODUCTS that said “low-fat” and “fat-free.” What were you thinking?
After more than three decades of us telling you how to eat, it is obvious you are too stupid to figure out how to eat. So we are here to make it perfectly clear, once and for all.
So, to spell it all out for you once and for all:
DO NOT EAT food that has salt or sugar in it, i.e. food that tastes good. Also don’t eat animals.
DO EAT kale from your local farmers’ market, lentils and quinoa from your local food co-op, plus salmon. Drink water. That’s it.
But rest assured, America.
No matter what the evidence says, we are never ever going to tell you it’s okay to eat salt, sugar, or animals. And, no matter what the evidence says, we are never ever going to tell you that it’s not okay to eat grains, cereals, or vegetable oils. And you can take that to the bank. We did.
Love and kisses,
Committee for Government Approved Information on Nutrition (Code name: G.A.I.N.)I only gave a short excerpt. Go check it out. It's good.