All in the Family featured the curmudgeonly Archie Bunker. Archie was television’s most famous grouch, blunt, blustering, straightforward and untouched by the PC crowd. He was the archetype of the conservative male. Michael desprately tried to reeducate him, but he persisted in his breviloquence.

Looking back at the last 40 years, we realize: ARCHIE WAS RIGHT!



Blogging will be lite for a couple of weeks.  Family has descended on my household and my free time to blog will be less than normal.

I'm trying to queue up some posts so you at least have a BJW or two.

Enjoy the spring weather.



Situational deafness isn't everything I hoped it would be.  Despite working late last night and then going to Wal-Mart for the wife before coming home, I was up early with projects on my mind. 

I decided to take Susan up on having the kids help in the yard.  It was a punishment for a stunt they pulled while mom was trying to get a shower last night.  I'm not sure why I needed to be punished for that.  Anyway after only four and one half hours of constantly getting on the kids case, the poop is scooped.  Most of the rocks are back in the rock garden, and I think the bricks are back where they belong, which isn't in the middle of the lawn. 

There is a giant slotted spoon under the cloths line.  I didn't want to ask about that.  It's late enough in the day that I don't want to go up that hill.

There is somebody living in my house that I've never met.  His name is "Not Me".  I don't know if Not Me is a boy or a girl.  I think it depends on the situation. I've not been able to establish enough conclusive evidence as to gender.  Yet.

I'm starting to believe that Not Me is a brother sister team, and they have a dog.  I hear about him sometimes.  Usually I hear about the dog in very quick verbal busts, like; "NotMeDaddythedogdidit". The speaker never wants to stick around long enough to properly annunciate their explanation of the events leading up to my inquiry. 

It seems that the more Not Me is involved in an incident the fewer details that are available.  I don't know what Not Me has on my kids to be able to blackmail them so effectively.  They never want to say much when he is involved in an incident.  They're afraid to spill the beans on the guy.  It's kinda like the mob.  Nobody saw anything and nobody wants to say anything about what they didn't see.

It's a mystery.  The Not Me mystery.  "Where are daddy's tools?" I'll ask.  "What tools daddy?" is the answer I'll get.  "The ones in daddy's tool box" I say, already aware of the exercise in futility I'm engaged upon.  "I want my (insert name of the tool that's missing this time), have you seen it?"  I ask all ready knowing the hopelessness of my situation.  "Not Me" is the answer.  I should have known that evil villain broke into my locked garage and took the one tool I was going to need today.  Why did he/she/dog need to break off the limbs of the bushes too?

How do I deal with this epidemic of petty destruction and misappropriation of my stuff isn't something I'm instinctively equipped for.  You can't call the police.  What are you going to tell them?  "My 9/16th drill bit is missing and my daughter says she saw NotMeTheDog take it, officer".  "No sire this isn't a joke".  "Please stop hitting me."  "I'm not resisting."  "Not the taser....Ahhhhhhh!"

The judge says that I can finish this post after a 30 day in house "evaluation" at the hospital.  I think he's heard of Not Me before but he doesn't want to say so publicly.  What does this guy have on everyone?



I kinda like doing the GFF posts.  Most weeks its easy to get down over the news.  Thursday night is fun.  Most of the news stories I find are pure fluff.  Even if I just check out a dozen or so they generally leave me with a smile.

Here is a menagerie from this week.

Man Wins $7 Million From Lottery Ticket Tucked Inside Get-Well Card

I hope he remembers to give his dad one heck of a fathers day gift.

When No One RSVP'd To This Teen's Birthday Bash, Thousands Of Internet Heroes Partied With Him Instead

The kid has autism and doesn't have many friends, but other folks remembered that sometimes its tough to be a kid and they came through.

Calif. Teen Arrives Home Youngest Person to Sail Solo Around World

It's a cool homeschooling story.  There is no way my mother would have let me done this at 16.

Not really a GFF story but some issues are important enough to get a mention even if off topic.
I hope ya'll had a great week this last week.  Spring has sprung here in Wyo and I've got tons of projects calling my name.  With any luck I'll be able to pretend I can't hear them.



DEA officer stops at a ranch in Texas, and talks with an old rancher.. He tells the rancher, "I need to inspect your ranch for ill*gally grown dr*gs."

The rancher says, "Okay , but do not go in that field over there," as he points out the location.

The DEA officer verbally explodes saying, "Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me." Reaching into his rear pants pocket, he removes his badge and proudly displays it to the rancher. "See this badge? This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish.... On any land.. No questions asked or answers given. Have I made myself clear? Do you understand? "

The rancher nods politely, apologizes, and goes about his chores
A short time later, the old rancher hears loud screams and sees the DEA officer running for his life chased by the rancher's big Santa Gertrudis Bull......

With every step the bull is gaining ground on the officer, and it seems likely that he'll get gored before he reaches safety. The officer is clearly terrified.

The rancher throws down his tools, runs to the fence and yells at the top of his lungs.....

"Your badge... Show him your badge!!"


So What?

It was one of those nights when you drive
Right by your own street and you wonder who's running
Your hands and your feet and your car becomes a capsule
Sometimes you can hide
Last night I just wanted, I wanted to ride
"Drive My Car" by David Crosby
(CNN) Singer-songwriter David Crosby hit a jogger with his car Sunday evening, a spokesman said.
The article goes on to explain that it was all an innocent accident.  The jogger was running on the wrong side of the road and the sun was in Mr. Crosby's eyes.  Further we are told:
"David Crosby is obviously very upset that he accidentally hit anyone. And, based off of initial reports, he is relieved that the injuries to the gentleman were not life threatening," said Michael Jensen, a Crosby spokesman. "He wishes the jogger a very speedy recovery."
My first reaction to this story is "so what?".  We don't normally have a story about a jogger getting hit by a car in national news.  This time its different.  This time the guy driving the car is a big time (although ageing) hippy song writer and folk rock star.

The "news" in this case is all about David Crosby.  He wasn't intoxicated in any way.  Apparently that bit of information is surprising or otherwise unusual enough to merit mention. Mr. Crosby is very sorry and hopes the guy gets better and all that jazz.  Because, Mr. Crosby is a nice man.

One thing we aren't told, is the name, or anything else about the guy who got hit, other than he was hurt bad and his injuries aren't life threatening. 

On the other hand we have Crosby mentioned by name 11 times in a short news blurb.  The cop they quoted got his name mentioned more than the poor guy who is laying on his back in a hospital someplace in California.

Mr. Crosby isn't the problem (other than hitting the guy).  The problem is that we live in a country where the focus in this story isn't the guy who got hurt.  The focus (and by implication why we should collectively care) is that this was an EVENT that happened in the life of a celebrity.  


Of Crossbows

I like some of the stories that the Daily Mail runs.  Not the celebrity tabloid stuff.  That's simply dull.  I enjoy stories like this one about a 2,200 Year Old Crossbow.  I think history and archaeology are interesting topics.  I don't need sensational headlines to get my attention. 
The Terracotta Army crossbow that could shoot twice as far as a modern-day rifle: Archaeologists unearth 2,200-year-old weapon at historic Chinese site  
 FWIW the Terracotta Army is a large collection of statues made out of clay.  As far as I can see in the article the crossbow looks to be made out of clay as well.  Maybe it wasn't and the coloration is a result of being buried.  I guess we don't know, but that might have been a detail to investigate.

Second point:
The crossbow, which was found intact this week, could have shot an arrow up to 2,600 feet - about the length of nine football pitches, the People's Daily Online reported.
Historical texts indicate that its firing range could have been up to 2,600 feet, according to Huashang Newspaper, which is double the range of an assault rifle, which is about 1,300 feet. 
I'm a bit of a firearms hobbyist.   I don't normally think of shooting distances expressed in feet.  I think in terms of yards.  So 3 feet to a yard, lets to the math:

2,600 feet for the crossbow is 867 yards.  Pretty darn respectable.

1,300 feet for a modern assault rifle? That works out to 433 yards.

This is going to come down to a question of which rifle we are talking about.  An open sighted AK style rifle or a open sight AR platform chambered in a 22 cal round do have an effective range of about 400 yards.  That isn't the whole story of course.  I've shot AR's past 600 yards and of course 30 call, 338 cal and 50 cal rifles shoot to 1,000 yards and beyond.  Heck modern rifles are capable of hits on man sized targets out to 1 mile and beyond.

You can't expect Brits writing for other Brits to know too much about firearms.  Guns are after all scary and its amazing that they were able to keep a stiff upper lip long enough to type the story in the first place.  So we'll give them a pass on this because, its about as close as you'd expect them to get anyway.  If you look at it from a narrow point of view the author isn't too far off.

We still don't know what the crossbow was made out of.  If it was clay, like the rest of the Terracotta Army statues, it wasn't actually a weapon, it was pottery.  Pottery doesn't shoot anything at all.  It just sets there.


GFF: Avalanche Edition

When seconds count help is only hours away.  Self rescue and buddy rescue are the most effective methods in most outdoor emergences.

 Here's how its done:


Reason to home school #37

Reason to home school #37

PE class looks a lot like playing catch and hitting grounders to your kids in the back yard.

For my birthday this year I bought a baseball glove on-line and had it sent to the house.  That way it looked like Mrs. Ipsa ordered it.  Plus the kids got to tease me about my getting a "secret" birthday gift in the mail.  Mrs. Ipsa was in on it. 

I did this because I hadn't bought a baseball glove since 1984.  Ipsa Jr. likes baseball.  He's getting so he can almost throw the ball hard enough that it stings a little to catch it with my bare hand.  Both my son and daughter have discovered that they love playing catch and shagging balls in the yard.

I can hit a couple of FARRRR ones (basically a pop up that would go over the second baseman's head) and my kids think its a centerfield over the wall home run.

Hank Aaron never had fans as appreciative as mine.


Priest in Customs

A very distinguished lady was on a plane arriving from Switzerland.
She found herself seated next to a nice priest whom she asked:
"Excuse me Father, could I ask a favor?"

"Of course my child, What can I do for you?"

"Here is the problem, I bought myself a new sophisticated hair
remover gadget for which I paid an enormous sum of money. I have
really gone over the declaration limits and I am worried that they
will confiscate it at customs. Do you think you could hide it under
your cassock?"

"Of course I could, my child, but you must realize that I can not

"You have such an honest face Father, I am sure they will not ask
you any questions", and she gave him the 'hair remover'.

The aircraft arrived at its destination. When the priest presented
himself to customs he was asked, "Father, do you have anything to

"From the top of my head to my sash, I have nothing to declare, my
son", he replied.

Finding this reply strange, the customs officer asked, "And from the
sash down, what do you have?"

The priest replied, "I have there a marvelous little instrument
designed for use by women, but which has never been used."

Breaking out in laughter, the customs officer said, "Go ahead Father.


Proving the Impossible

I had an interesting conversation the other day.  It seems I may be entitled to receive a tribal identification card.  Key word "may".  I may have sufficient native blood to qualify for membership in a tribe that only requires "one drop of blood" to be counted as a whole blood member.  This would convey some significant benefits on myself and my children if I can document it.

Problem #1. The federal government has a tremendous incentive to not recognize me, or anyone else as a tribal member.  The main reason being a significant monetary debt owed to the tribe.  The BIA was working out a deal to settle the matter during the last Bush administration, they eventually decided to renege on the matter after totaling the damages.

Problem #2.  The tribe might be happy to have me, except in the event they do get a settlement, it would increase the number of people that would divide the pot o gold.  Seeing how I've not suffered with them, they see no reason to share the cash.  Which I get.

Problem #3.  I suspect (I'm more than 97% on this) that DNA testing will prove native blood equal to or greater than 1/64 most likely between 1/16 and 1/32 native.  Probably greater.  The problem is my ancestors weren't all that selective about their mating habits (on several sides of the family).  My native blood heritage consists of a mix of at least 3 different tribes.  One of which I didn't know about until last night.

What's on the line:

1. Canadian citizenship/passport
2. No Canadian federal or provincial taxes
3. No Canadian hunting or fishing laws to bother with
4. Canadian federal Indian and  social services, for free
5. Free college for my kids, either nation
6. Big time racial preference status for bidding federal contracts or employment
7. Major tax incentives
8. A list of US federal goodies, most importantly a extra degree of being left alone
9. The ability to hold land in tribal trust
10. "Hi, my name is Shoots at Wapiti", instant protected minority status.  Which in this culture is almost as good as being a black lesbian.

St. Drunk on Green Beer Day

I don't know about the kid, but the snake is.

I started to Google "drunk irish" looking for some fun St. Patty's Day bits, and it auto finished my inquiry with the word "baby".  How messed up is that?

Padraic Flaherty came home drunk every evening toward ten. Now, the Missus was never too happy about it, either. So one night she hides in the cemetery and figures to scare the beejeezus out of him.

As poor Pat wanders by, up from behind a tombstone she jumps in a red devil costume screaming, "Padraic Sean Flaherty, sure and ya' don't give up you're drinkin' and it's to Hell I'll take ye'".

Pat, undaunted, staggered back and demanded,  "Who the hell ARE you?".

To that the Missus replied, "I'm the divil ya' damned old fool".

To which Flaherty remarked, "Damned glad to meet you sir, I'm married to yer sister."

An Englishman asked an Irishman to show him the biggest building in an Irish town.

"There it is now" said the Irishman, "isn't it a fine structure entirely?"

"Is that your biggest building?" asked the Englishman.

"Why back in England we have buildings over a hundred times the size of that!" 

"I'm not surprised," said the Irishman,"that's the llunatic asylum."

Don't worry, I've got something queued up for tomorrow too.  I just don't remember what it is.


Grabbing the Guns or Ammo

Gun grabbers aka hoplophobia suffers, hate guns, all guns.  They've not been able to steal American firearms the way they wish to, so recently they've been going after the ammo.
Rep. Eliot Engel, D-N.Y., is leading a legislative charge to ban armor-piercing ammunition in the United States, saying “no compelling argument” exists for anyone outside the military or police to have access to it.
“Armor-piercing rounds like green tips should only be in the hands of military personnel or police officers, period,” Engel said, The Hill reported. “There is absolutely no compelling argument to be made for anyone else to have access to them.’
First, as far as I've seen, no one, not even once has killed an American cop with the ammo he wants to ban.  Therefor at best the measure might potentially prevent someone wearing body armor from being harmed.

Second, I'm not convinced that people wearing body armor deserve extra protection (in the form of AP ammo being banned) form armor piercing ammunition.   Incidentally this is the official position of the United States government.  That's why they order and pay for the manufacture of the stuff in the first place. 

Sometimes people need to be shot.  Sometimes those people wear body armor.  The fact that they are wearing body armor doesn't detract from the reality that they need to be shot.  Again that's what the ammo is designed, produced and sold for.

What exactly does the civilian market in the USA do with these bullets?  When the government purchases a surplus of ammo for military use and that ammunition exceeds its expected shelf life, it goes through a "de-milling" process to render it "unfit" for military use.  They take the bullets out of the brass shells and throw away the gun powder.  What is left over is a big pile of shell casings and bullets.  Because these "de-milled" "goods" are considered scrap they are priced accordingly.  Hobbyists who are looking for cheep bullets to buy so they can shoot more without breaking bank buy them and shoot them at targets.

That's what happens with the bullets.  Gangs aren't buying them up so they can build a reloading shop, manufacture ammunition, build specialty "pistols" based on an AR lower receiver and then after spending all that time and money sneak out and shoot cops.  Is it possible that someone, somewhere is stock piling green tip ammo?  Sure its possible, but I doubt anyone had much incentive to do that prior to gun grabbers talking about banning the bullets.

Third, an honest government has no reason to care what its law abiding citizens do with ammunition of any sort.  Why does Engel fear honest people having ammunition that might potentially be used to shoot someone in body armor?  Who is wearing the body armor that would need protection from law abiding citizens in the first place?

I've never bought any green tip that I'm aware of.  I know I've shot it, but that's it.  I never cared one bit about the AR type guns.  Seriously, "assault rifles" or "black guns" or whatever else you want to call them aren't a big deal for me.  Normally I wouldn't give 2 cents about anything related to the topic.  Now I want to know why, after over 40 years of the stuff being readily available, and no law enforcement problems, suddenly there is a need to ban armor piecing ammunition.

It occurs to me that the US government is the largest consumer of AP ammunition, and the largest second hand seller of the component bullet.  If they want to keep hobbyists from having the stuff, all that have to do is, NOT RESELL SCRAP BULLETS to the public.  No BATF policy or new laws are needed.  Just stop reselling the bullets to people.

Row, Row, NO!

A quick follow up from last weeks lifting post.

Last night was the night to start adding weight back into my lifting program.  I decided to stick to the 5x5 program of adding 5lbs (2.5lbs to each side) each time I lift and to only lift every other day.  I figured that doing this would be a little slower than restarting at the higher weights that I had been lifting.  My thought process was that by starting low and going slow that I wouldn't re-hurt myself and that by 12 weeks i.e. summer time, I'd be back to what I had been doing last summer.  From there I figured I could work on improving things without injury. 

I added 5 lbs to my squats, no problem.  Five more pounds on the bench, again no problem.  What to do about the rows?  Better start off reasonable but on the low side.  I put a 10lb weight on each side.  Total weight bar+weights=65lbs.  That's about half of the weight I injured myself at.

I couldn't do it.  Oh I managed to get one set of 5 reps in.  It hurt.  I stopped.  This morning I'm sore and not in a good way.  I may have to break down and go back to the MD.



I received a request for a pic today.  Rather than just take a pic, I knew that I had one on my computer.  As I went to look for it, I found some old wildlife pics I'd taken.

 I still haven't found what I'm looking for, so now I have to find one of my digital cameras.  Hope you enjoyed the wildlife.

GFF A Good Long Time

"They just need to be together".

We just need to know that its not only possible, but a grand thing and a worthy way to live ones life.



Last year I started blogging about my plan to lose weight and get into better shape.  Not that round isn't a shape.  My program started off OK and I saw results because doing something is better than doing nothing.  I wasn't making the progress that I wanted.  I found a new program and started doing it.  I made tremendous strides and gained strength and lost weight.

By August I had lost 19 lbs and was squatting around 240lbs and getting 205 lbs on the bench press.  Not bad for an old fart.  I think I may have mentioned here that I was putting up more than 4 plates on squats and that I was on track to be squatting more than 10 times my age in weight by my next birthday.  Had I continued making linear progress I was on track to squat more than 600 lbs.

I didn't really expect to keep making linear progress on any of my exercises but I thought I was realistically looking at:

Squat: 480+lbs
Bench Press: 280 lbs
Rows: 205 lbs
Overhead Press: 225 lbs
Deadlifts: 300+ lbs

My time frame for this accomplishment was the second week of March (this week).  I was kicking butt.  Not only was I making great progress with strength building I was losing 1 to 1.5 lbs a week.  I thought I would have dropped a full 50+ lbs in just over 15 months. 

I was on target.  I was getting it done.  I was seeing results and I was psyched.  I was so psyched that on August 18th while doing my chest rows I decided to not rest the barbell on the floor for the 2 mins between sets.  I held a 115lbs weight in the rest position between every set of 5 reps and believe it or not still managed to get all 5 sets in, although the last 3 reps in the last set were VERY painful.

I took a month off, mostly because I couldn't hold a soda without pain shooting up and down my forearm.  After a month I broke down and saw my DR.  I was told take six months off.  I didn't want to do that.  I took 30 more days off and went back the gym.  Bad idea. 

Eventually I listened to the DR. and stayed out of the gym and away from the weights.  Until this month.  I restarted lifting at a reduced weight program designed to test my forearm and get me back lifting.  What that looks like is:

Squat: 225 lbs
Bench Press: 115 lbs
Rows: just the bar
Overhead Press: 115 lbs
Deadlifts: just the bar

Normally I get off work late and there isn't anyone around at the gym, or if they are they are finishing up and going home.  I have the place to myself.  Tonight I got off work 2hrs early.  Tonight there were young guys in the gym and fat chicks who only come after the serious gym rats go home.  Tonight I had an audience, who saw me working out with just a barbell.  Even the fat chicks stopped to stare.  Having the guys shake their head was bad enough.  Having women do it too...

I've got one more work out on Thursday at the reduced weights.  If that goes well, I'll be able to start adding weight on Sunday.  If I keep from re-hurting myself, I should make this years goal, next year. 

Talk With Dad

Jake had proposed to young Gina, and was being interviewed by his prospective father-in-law. “Do you think you are earning enough to support a family?” the older man asked the suitor.

“Yes, Sir,” replied Jake, “I’m sure I am.”

“Think carefully now,” said Gina’s father. “There are twelve of us…”


Sundial Sunday

Yesterday was what I'm calling Mess With the Sundial Sunday.  You might know it as daylight savings time.  As I get older the spring forward fall back mantra, becomes more tedious and disruptive for my sleep.  Why do we do this to ourselves?

I'm told that daylight savings time was the brain child of Benjamin Franklin.  I don't know if that is true or not, but he's dead, so it's safe to blame him.  Old Ben was one of America's founding fathers.  He is considered a renaissance man, a statesman and a scientific visionary.  He was instrumental in America's war of independence.  He is widely credited blamed for the biannual tinkering with the clocks.

As the story goes Benny thought it would be better to make the days longer in the summer and shorter in the winter.  Apparently this had been happening in the northern hemisphere since God started the world spinning, but no matter.  Ben thought it would be a good idea to switch the clocks.  Being that he was a contemporary of Washington, Jefferson, Adams and a lot of other respected American revolutionaries, people went along with it.

I'll admit that I haven't done extensive research into whether or not moving the clock forward saves energy.  I've heard folks say that in our modern industrial society that having it be lighter latter saves on electricity, makes the evening commute home from work safer and does other good stuff for our country as a whole.  This may be true.  I can't say its not.  If it is true, why not just leave the clock set forward all the time?

In the winter time it gets dark sooner.  It would seem like keeping it light latter would be more important than in the summer.  If the premise is true about saving energy etc then we should stay on day light savings time all the time.

Washington, Jefferson, Adams all were elected president, Benjamin Franklin was not.  I think this might have had something to do with his insistence we mess with the sundial.  The people of his day saw what he did and said, "there's no reason to let him tinker with anything else".  It's time to stop the madness, leave the clock set forward and forget about changing it back.


Of Boys

Boys by their nature are loud, competitive, rambunctious creatures who seem to be the arch nemesis of good "classroom management".  No wonder female school teachers don't want "boy behavior" in the classroom.  It's much easier to manage little girls who do most things quietly. 

Boys are a handful when they are allowed to be boys.  The female of the species has no instinctive skills to deal with the immature male.  In the past, females were exposed to boys being boys and did not think of it as a bad thing requiring thrice daily doses of methamphetamines.

Boy (10) hailed as hero after saving sister from convicted sex offender
  • Go To

  • The criminal, who was on bail for robbery, attempted to abduct the girl (12) on the side of a country road near the village of Cullahill in Laois.
    She was playing with her two brothers near their home when the man stopped and asked for directions to the local priest's house.
    He then jumped from the stolen vehicle and grabbed the girl.
    But her younger brother lunged through the driver's window at the would-be kidnapper punching him as the jeep began to drive away.
    The brave boy distracted the driver long enough so that his sister could jump from the moving vehicle.
    The story doesn't tell us the young man's name.  I'm calling him a man.  He deserves recognition for what he is, a man in progress.  Good progress he's making too.

    Soulless creatures who slump quietly in desks, meekly marking on their lessons, and who never give the teacher a reason to be cross, don't do other things either.  They don't jump thru windows of moving cars.  They don't punch hardened criminals  twice their size.  They don't make it possible for their 12 year old sister to escape the clutches of a pedophile kidnapper.

    Thank God, boys will be boys.  How else will they learn to men of action?  How else will they learn to react with violence?  How else will they learn to do, without thinking of their own safety?

    Let every boy nearly give his mother and schoolmarm a heart attack with his exuberance and testosterone intoxicated brain.  Perhaps the lad will break a leg.  He will survive.  Perhaps he will get, or give a black eye, or a fat lip.  He will tear his trousers and muss his hair.  He will make fart noises and laugh at the worst time.  Let him.  He is a boy.

    I hear a lot about "men going their own way" and shirking the responsibilities of manhood.  Men don't spring up fully developed with a good paying job and a desire to lavish a women with financial security and a domestic servitude.  Men grow up.  Men start out as boys, doing boy stuff.  You don't get a man by training them like a girl.  Little boys aren't simply girls with penises.

    Let boys be boys.  Let them learn to be men.  Good men, yes.  Men of character, certainly.  Men aren't ordered off a website, they are grown and trained and taught.  Teach boys to harness their abilities and instincts.  Don't suppress them.

    Without the curse of Ritalin and feminized schooling, the boy will become a man and do manly stuff.  Like jumping into moving cars, punching bad guys, and saving a little girl from being raped.



    I'm reaching out on behalf of an old golf buddy of mine who needs some help. 

    His wife told him to go out and get some of those pills that would help him get an erection. When he came back, he handed her some diet pills. Anyway, he's looking for a place to live. Let me know if you can help.

    I was in the restaurant yesterday when I suddenly realized I desperately
    needed to pass gas. The music was really, really loud, so I timed my
    gas with the beat of the music.

    After a couple of songs, I started to feel better. I finished my coffee,
    and noticed that everybody was staring at me....

    Then I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my iPod.


    Health Advice

    Mrs. Ipsa sent me a link to a dietician's blog.  I've got to admit that this is the most comprehensive and enlightening information I've seen about the role of diet and nutrition in health care.

    The 2015 Dietary Advisory Committee Report: A Summary
    Last week, the Dietary Guidelines Advisory Committee released the report containing its recommendations for the 2015 Dietary Guidelines for Americans.   The report is 572 pages long, more than 100 pages longer than the last report, released 5 years ago.  Longer than one of my blog posts, even. Despite its length, and the tortured governmentalese in which it is written, its message is pretty clear and simple. So for those of you who would like to know what the report says, but don’t want to read the whole damn thing, I present, below, its essence:
    Dear America,
    You are sick–and fat.  And it’s all your fault. 
    Face it.  You screwed up.  Somewhere in the past few decades, you started eating too much food. Too much BAD food.  We don’t know why.  We think it is because you are stupid.
    In 1977, a bunch of us got together to figure out how to make sure you would not get fat and sick.  You weren’t fat and sick at the time, so we knew you needed our help.
    We told you to eat more carbohydrates–a.k.a., sugars and starches–and less sugar.  How simple is that?  But could you follow this advice?  Nooooooo.  You’re too stupid.
    We told you to eat food with less fat. We meant for you to buy a copy of the Moosewood Cookbook and eat kale and lentils and quinoa.  But no, you were too stupid for that too.  Instead, you started eating PRODUCTS  that said “low-fat” and “fat-free.”  What were you thinking?
    After more than three decades of us telling you how to eat, it is obvious you are too stupid to figure out how to eat.  So we are here to make it perfectly clear, once and for all.
     So, to spell it all out for you once and for all:
    DO NOT EAT food that has salt or sugar in it, i.e. food that tastes good.  Also don’t eat animals.
    DO EAT kale from your local farmers’ market, lentils and quinoa from your local food co-op,  plus salmon. Drink water.  That’s it. 
    But rest assured, America.
    No matter what the evidence says, we are never ever going to tell you it’s okay to eat salt, sugar, or animals.  And, no matter what the evidence says, we are never ever going to tell you that it’s not okay to eat grains, cereals, or vegetable oils.  And you can take that to the bank.  We did.
    Love and kisses,
    Committee for Government Approved Information on Nutrition (Code name: G.A.I.N.)
    I only gave a short excerpt.  Go check it out.  It's good. 



    From the "I can't believe we don't have grownups in charge" file:

    The IRS is defending its decision to let illegal immigrants claim up to three years’ refunds on income even if they never paid income taxes, telling Congress in a new letter last week that agency lawyers have concluded getting a Social Security number triggers the ability to go back and ask for previous refunds.
    President Obama’s new deportation amnesty could grant Social Security numbers to as many as 4 million illegal immigrants, making many of them eligible for tax refunds under the Earned Income Tax Credit even for years when they cheated on their taxes, working off the books and refusing to file tax returns.
    You can not have social welfare benefits and an open boarder.  The Earned Income Tax Credit (EITC) is a form of tax code welfare that allows a degree of wealth transfer.  FWIW I take it too.  Then again I actually PAY taxes and report all forms of income, wages, DIV, and INT etc.  So in my case it reduces what I pay into the system.

    One of the most abused (by Hispanics) tax code item is the EITC.  The normal way to cheat the system is to get a number (sometimes a very large number) of family members SSN #'s and claim they live with you.  This happens even if the person in question has never left Mexico.  It doesn't matter if you live in a 2 bedroom single wide, you claim that you have 10 or 12 or 20 kids with Hispanic names dependent on your income and living in your house.  Everyone knows that Mexicans have lots of kids and whole generations of people are happy living in a house no bigger than a refrigerator box, so the IRS isn't going to come around asking silly questions.  Then you put those SSN #'s down on your tax return and shazam! Uncle Sam sends you a big check.  Ain't America great?

    That was how the scam worked before amnesty.  Now the IRS isn't even going to pretend that someone, some how, at some point, paid taxes.  Now all you have to do is show up and fill out the paperwork.  Instant check.  You can do that not just for this year, they're going to let you do it for past years, even if you didn't pay, even if you can't prove you lived in the US.  Ain't America Great?

    This is just one scam.  It doesn't include WIC, SSI, free health care, Section 8, etc. etc. etc.  Come to America, get a job paying 500% of what you'd make in Mexico.  Pay no taxes.  Get free food, housing, health care and then fill out some forms and get free money.

    The question isn't why they do it.  The question is why don't more of them do it.