All in the Family featured the curmudgeonly Archie Bunker. Archie was television’s most famous grouch, blunt, blustering, straightforward and untouched by the PC crowd. He was the archetype of the conservative male. Michael desprately tried to reeducate him, but he persisted in his breviloquence.

Looking back at the last 40 years, we realize: ARCHIE WAS RIGHT!


BJW - The Harmonica

"Thanks for the harmonica you gave me for Christmas," little Joshua said to his uncle the first time he saw him after the holidays. "It's the best present I ever got."

"That's great," said his uncle. "Do you know how to play it?"

"Oh, I don't play it," the little fellow said. "My mom gives me a dollar a day not to play it during the day and my dad gives me five dollars a week not to play it at night.


Ground Up Soup

She wasn't sure what she was going to do.  The men were off at the camps.  The children were not allowed outside.  There wasn't much to do.  She could cry.  She should cry, certainly she deserved a good cry.  She wasn't going to cry, it wasn't her way.  She was going to do.

What to do?  The men, by which she meant her husband and oldest son, were at the camps, working and glad to have the work too.  She hadn't seen them in months.  That was the way of it.  The work was hard and travel was not something easy to do in Michigan's Upper Peninsula.  She was nearly out of money, even if she had been able to get to town through the blowing snow and cold.  The men had the horses and wagon.  She was nearly out of groceries, and tomorrow was Christmas.

What to do?  There were 12 children to feed.  She had a sack of potatoes, a basket of carrots, some onions and a slab of salt pork.  The water pump was froze.  Thankfully the snow was packing around the tar-paper shack.  It would help insulate against the cold.  Time to do.

Well, there was some floor and yeast.  At least she could start some bread.  How to feed so many mouths with so little food.  She had a meat grinder.  By design or accident, I've never been told, but the potatoes and onions, carrots and salt pork made their way into the grinder.  Snow was added and the whole kettle went on the wood stove.  As the snow melted, more was added until a large kettle of soup came to a slow boil.  Bread got baked and little mouths were fed.

That is why on my stove tonight there is a pot of ground up soup.  I'm not 100% sure if the woman in the tar-paper shack in Michigan's north woods was my great, great grandmother or my great, great, great grandmother.  Either way, over a hundred years ago tonight, a poor women with a lot of hungry little ones took what she had and made soup.

Every Christmas Eve of my life ground up soup was on the menu.  As a kid I hated it.  I called it gruel.  Twice, the first and second Christmases after I got married, I managed to avoid eating it.  Then something happened.  I discovered that Christmas isn't Christmas without that confounded soup.

This last week I was in a second hand store and saw an old hand crank grinder.  This afternoon I ground up the soup old school style.  Tomorrow there will be a fancy meal.  Tonight, I remember that when sky's are gray and the snow blows cold the important thing is to take what you have, and do.

Merry Christmas my friends!


PSA - Church Item

I know that this is the only Sunday many Americans go to church during the year; so as a PSA...

Signs Your Church Has Sold Out to Corporate Sponsors

- Nike "swoosh" on the cross

- Communion now sponsored by Welch's Grape Juice

- In Christmas play, Joseph seen with a pack of Luckies

- Greeters all dressed like Mr. Goodwrench

- Personal pew licenses now sold

- Baptismals include dolphin show from Sea World

- Statue of Mary seen holding keys to a Jeep

- Holy water spiked with Diet Pepsi

- The 12 disciples replaced by Disney characters

- Luxury pews with wet bar and satellite TV

- Scripture verses brought to you by Microsoft

- Bulletin has coupon section

- The holy water font has Perrier

- In the restrooms, an attendant hands you a towel

- There is a credit card swiper on the collection plate

- Offering envelopes bearing Visa or Mastercard emblems on them

- Handicap parking sponsored by the Family Medical Group, LLC

- Wednesday night suppers sponsored by KFC

- Sunday morning televised services sponsored by the FOX network

- Church vans traded in for Ford Broncos

- Church bell chimes to the tune of the NBC chimes

- Choir robes with the Lands' End emblem on front

- Sunday bulletins with the CNN logo

- Church flag football team sponsored by the NFL


BJW - Church Job

A handyman, who was working for a Synagogue, had asked for a raise and was turned down. He decided to quit and went out to look for work.

First, he went to a Catholic church and was told that in order to work there he would have to answer one question. The priest asked, "Where was Jesus born?"

The man answered, "Pittsburgh," and was thrown out on his ear.

He then went to a Baptist church. The minister told him that in order to get a job there, he would have to answer a question. He was asked, "Where was Jesus born?"

The man answered, "Philadelphia." He was promptly tossed out.

Walking away he met the rabbi who was looking for him. The rabbi exclaimed, "The board approved your raise. Please come back immediately."

The man said to the rabbi, "I will come back only if you answer a question. Where was Jesus born?"
The rabbi says, "Bethlehem."

"Of course!" cried the man. "I knew it was in Pennsylvania."


BJW - The Donald

The Donald is walking out of the White House and heading toward his limo, when a possible assassin steps forward and aims a gun.

A secret service agent, new on the job, shouts, "Mickey Mouse!" This startles the would be assassin, and he is captured.

Later, the secret service agent's supervisor takes him aside and asks, "What in the heck made you shout Mickey Mouse?"

Blushing, the agent replies, "I got nervous. I meant to shout, "Donald, duck!"


Yeah, So?

All the lamestream media wants is a shot, any shot, no matter how cheap or irrelevant at Trump.  Apparently Trump, the same guy who made his money building casinos and banging models, isn't "Christian" enough for our American media.  I never thought he was a Christian or that faith was an important part of Donald Trump's life.  Did anyone else? Seriously, did you?

Donald, Melania Trump Don't Recite Apostles' Creed or Sing Hymns Unlike Obamas, Clintons at George H.W. Bush Funeral

CNN commentator Keith Boykin posted a clip of the moment, writing about Trump alongside the video: "This is your 'Christian' evangelical president."

So freaking what?  Since when did CNN become concerned about the intricacies of "Christian" funeral services?  Guess what.  I've gone to church and to church funerals for over 45 years.  Never once have I recited the Apostles Creed, either in church or at a funeral.  I'm sure lots of folks have, because their denomination does it that way.  I'm also sure that lots of other folks haven't.  It's not a big deal, to any Christian I know.

The way the media is freaking out you'd think Trump was doing the Macarena during the eulogy.  Obama knew the words, the Clintons knew the words.  They sang a hymn.  Our first Muslim president is a better Christian than Trump.  Blah, Blah, Blah.

There are a lot of people who are better Christians than Trump.  The same thing could be said of me or of you, or of just about anybody.  It's the height of hypocrisy for the news media, arguably as anti-Christian an industry as there is, to complain about a man not reciting a creed that not all Christians profess, and not signing a hymn at a funeral.

I've been to funerals preformed at different churches.  If I don't know what to do, I sit, stand or kneel along with everyone else.  If I don't know the words to what they are reciting or singing or praying I'm quite and respectful.  Which is what I saw Trump doing in that video.  It's what I would have done.  I'd bet that its what most every other polite person in America would have done in the same situation.

No mater what would have happened at Bush's funeral, Trump would have been the target of fake news mud slinging.

BJW - Medical

Fred was unfortunate enough to be hit by a 10-ton truck and landed up in hospital in intensive care. His best friend Morris came to visit him.

Fred struggles to tell Morris, "My wife Sally visits me three times a day. She's so good to me. Every day, she reads to me at the bedside."

"What does she read?"

"My life insurance policy."

Modern Medicine
Modern medicine has come up with some great new stuff to make life easier...

St. Mom's Wort -- Plant extract that treats Mom's depression by rendering preschoolers unconscious for up to six hours.

Empty Nestrogen -- Highly effective suppository that eliminates melancholy by enhancing the memory of how awful they were as teenagers and how you couldn't wait til they moved out.

Flipitor -- Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling road rage and the urge to flip off other drivers.

Antiboyotics -- When administered to teenage girls, is highly effective in improving grades, freeing up phone lines and reducing money spent on make-up.

Menicillin -- Potent antiboyotic for older women. Increases resistance to such lines as, "You make me want to be a better person..."

Buyagra -- Injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping. Increases potency and duration of spending spree.

Extra Strength Buy-one-all -- Caution, when combined with Buyagra, can cause an indiscriminate buying frenzy so severe the victim may even come home with a Donnie Osmond CD or a book by Dr. Laura.

Jack Asspirin -- Relieves the headache caused by a man who can't remember your birthday, anniversary or phone number.

Anti-talksident -- A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on anyone too eager to share their life stories with total strangers.

Ragaman -- When administered to a husband, provides the same irritation as ragging on him all weekend, saving the wife the time and trouble of doing it herself.

Miracle Cure?
Doctor Bloomfield, who was known for extraordinary treatment of arthritis, had a waiting room full of people when a little old lady, almost bent over in half, shuffled in slowly, leaning on her cane. When her turn came, she went into the doctor's office and, amazingly, emerged within 5 minutes walking completely erect with her head held high.

A woman in the waiting room who had seen all this rushed up to the little old lady and said, "It's a miracle! You walked in bent in half and now you're walking erect. What did that doctor do?"

"Gave me a longer cane."


BJW - Top Ten...

Rules for Good Housekeeping

1. It is time to clean out the refrigerator when something closes the door from the inside.

2. Keep it clean enough for healthy, dirty enough for happy.

3. Never make fried chicken in the nude.

4. Do not engage in unarmed combat with a dust bunny big enough to choke the vacuum cleaner.

5. Make the beds, do the dishes and six months later start all over again.

6. To hang up more clothes buy bigger door knobs.

7. Sweep the room with a glance.

8. Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.

9. Cobwebs artfully draped over lampshades reduce the glare from the bulb, thereby creating a romantic atmosphere.

10. When writing your name in the dust on the table, omit the date.


BJW - Smart Cop

A newly deputized police officer responded to a report of a bar room disturbance.

The "disturbance" turned out to be well over six feet tall and weighed almost 300 pounds.  What's more he boasted that he could whip the deputy and the "Heavy Weight Boxing Champion of the World."

Said the policeman, "I'll bet that you're also an escape artist too; probably better than Houdini."

The giant nodded.

"If I had some chains," the deputy continued, "you could show us all how strong you really are.  But all I've got is a set of lousy handcuffs. Why don't you show us just how quickly you can break out of them?"

Once in the cuffs, the man puffed, pulled and jerked for four minutes.

"I can't get out of these," the giant growled.

"Are you sure?" the deputy gingerly asked.

The fellow tried again.  "Nope," he replied.  "I can't do it."

"In that case," said the deputy, "you're under arrest."


BJW - Random Thoughts

I planted some bird seed. A bird came up. Now I don't know what to feed it.

I had amnesia once -- or twice.

Protons have mass? I didn't even know they were Catholic.

All I ask is a chance to prove that money can't make me happy.

What is a "free" gift? Aren't all gifts free?

They told me I was gullible ... and I believed them.

Teach a child to be polite and courteous in the home and, when he grows up, he'll never be able to merge his car onto a freeway.

Two can live as cheaply as one, for half as long.

Experience is the thing you have left when everything else is gone.

What if there were no hypothetical questions?

One nice thing about egotists: They don't talk about other people.

When the only tool you own is a hammer, every problem begins to look like a nail.

A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.

What was the greatest thing before sliced bread?

I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.

The cost of living hasn't affected its popularity.

How can there be self-help "groups"?

Is there another word for synonym?

Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all"?

The speed of time is one-second per second.

Is it possible to be totally partial?

Is Marx's tomb a communist plot?

If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?

Show me a man with both feet firmly on the ground, and I'll show you a man who can't get his pants off.

It's not an optical illusion. It just looks like one.

Is it my imagination, or do buffalo wings taste like chicken?


100 Years of 11:11:11

I do not know the identity of the Author.  I would gladly credit them.


“Just a Common Soldier” 
A. Lawrence Vaincourt 

He was getting old and paunchy
And his hair was falling fast,
And he sat around the Legion,
Telling stories of the past.

Of a war that he once fought in
And the deeds that he had done,
In his exploits with his buddies;
They were heroes, every one.

And 'tho sometimes to his neighbors
His tales became a joke,
All his buddies listened quietly
For they knew whereof he spoke.

But we'll hear his tales no longer,
For old Bob has passed away,
And the world's a little poorer
For a Soldier died today.

He won't be mourned by many,
Just his children and his wife.
For he lived an ordinary,
Very quiet sort of life.

He held a job and raised a family,
Going quietly on his way;
And the world won't note his passing,
'Tho a Soldier died today.

When politicians leave this earth,
Their bodies lie in state,
While thousands note their passing,
And proclaim that they were great.

Papers tell of their life stories
>From the time that they were young
But the passing of a Soldier
Goes unnoticed, and unsung.

Is the greatest contribution
To the welfare of our land,
Someone who breaks his promise
And cons his fellow man?

Or the ordinary fellow
Who in times of war and strife,
Goes off to serve his country
And offers up his life?

The politician's stipend
And the style in which he lives,
Are often disproportionate,
To the service that he gives.

While the ordinary Soldier,
Who offered up his all,
Is paid off with a medal
And perhaps a pension, though small.

It is not the politicians
With their compromise and ploys,
Who won for us the freedom
That our country now enjoys.

Should you find yourself in danger,
With your enemies at hand,
Would you really want some cop-out,
With his ever waffling stand?

Or would you want a Soldier--
His home, his country, his kin,
Just a common Soldier,
Who would fight until the end?

He was just a common Soldier,
And his ranks are growing thin,
But his presence should remind us
We may need his like again.

For when countries are in conflict,
We find the Soldier's part
Is to clean up all the troubles
That the politicians start.

If we cannot do him honor
While he's here to hear the praise,
Then at least let's give him homage
At the ending of his days.

Perhaps just a simple headline
In the papers that might say:


Puns for your Wednesday

There is a national celebration in Egypt this Sunday? They take out all of the artifacts from the museums and put them on public display. The children dance around them, and there is much laughter and gaiety. It's mummy's day. (Steve Jacobson)

Some power saws are a cut above the rest. (Pun of the Day)

The invention of the steamboat by Robert Fulton caused a network of rivers to spring up. (Richard Lederer)

The movie they made about this French guy who never says "goodbye" without delivering a batch of one-liners? "Au Revoir Runs Through Wit" (Gary Hallock)

Members of the Audubon Society all look through their binocs and chant, "See! Hawks! See! Hawks!"(Cynthia MacGregor)

A note left for a pianist from his wife: "Gone Chopin, have Liszt, Bach in a Minuet." (Bad Puns)

The nonunion laundry worker said during a labor dispute, "Iron while the strike is hot." (Frank Stewart)

Show me a really insulting telegram and I'll show you a barbed wire! (Tony Thoennes)

The carpenter varnished without a trace. (Win Ben Stein's Money)

What do you get when you roll a hand grenade across a kitchen floor? Linoleum Blownapart. (Ron Klar)

England and America are two countries separated by the same language. (George Bernard Shaw)


BJW - Get'n Older

If my body were a car, this is the time I would be thinking about trading it in for a newer model.

I've got bumps and dents and scratches in my finish and my paint job is getting a little dull, but that's not the worst of it.

My headlights are out of focus and it's especially hard to see things up close.

My traction is not as graceful as it once was.

I slip and slide and skid and bump into things even in the best of weather.

My whitewalls are stained with varicose veins.

It takes me hours to reach my maximum speed.

My fuel rate burns inefficiently.

But here's the worst of it --

Almost every time I sneeze, cough or sputter.....either my radiator leaks or my exhaust backfires!


Sweet Home Alabama

They still make men in Alabama.
Alabama McDonald's gunman killed by armed dad, who is injured in shootout
No matter what the gun control crowd preaches, armed citizens do more good than unarmed victims.  I wish they had more useful information in these "news" reports.  One thing that is clear, at least to me, is that this dad stayed focused while he and his children took hostile fire and he stopped the perpetrator before more harm was done to himself or anyone else.

That's more than being prepared, which he was.

That's more than being willing to take a stand, which he did.

That's more than being in the right place, at the right time, which is what happened.

That's more than making a tough choice at the drop of a hat, which he did.

This dad could have grabbed his kids and ran.  Instead he grabbed his gun and fought.  He fought when he got shot, he fought when his kid got shot.  He fought on and saw the battle to the end.  Because of that, that willingness to be prepared, take a stand and make the tough choice, there is a McDonalds full of folks that didn't die.

That's what it means to be a man.  Good on ya'll Alabama.  You still raise your sons to be men.


BJW - Opps

A customer at the counter of a lawn ornament shop:
"Give me four of those pinwheels, two of those pink flamingos, two of the sunflowers, and one of those bent-over grandmas in bloomers."

Cashier replies:
"That'll be eight dollars for the pinwheels, ten dollars for the flamingos, six dollars for the sunflowers, and an apology to my wife!"

A thief and his girlfriend were walking down Main Street when she spotted a beautiful diamond ring in a jewelry store window. "Wow, I'd sure love to have that!" she said.

"No problem, baby," the thief says, throwing a brick through the glass and grabbing the ring.

A few blocks later, his girlfriend was admiring a leather jacket in another shop window.

"What I'd give to own that!" she said.

"Sure thing, darling," the guy says again, throwing another brick through the window and snatching the coat.

Finally, turning for home, they pass a Mercedes car dealership. "Boy, I'd do anything for one of those!" she said to her boyfriend.

"Forget that!" the guy moans. "Do you think I'm made of bricks or something!?"


One Week Challange ... Failure

I started out with good intentions.  Really I did.

However, I have a family trip coming up in February and I had to book someplace to stay.  Then I had to make a purchase for work and I added a diet coke to the order.  So today after getting out of the office I filled up the truck (I would have made it one more day on the gas I had) and headed up the mountains for some R&R.  In my defense it was over 70 degrees out and I've not had a day off in while and I KNOW winter is coming soon.  So I headed out to go fishing one last time only to find that the US Forrest service closed my fishing hole due to a bear attack.

In other news, Blogger has me blocked from commenting on my own blog as well as any others.


BJW - Another Western

An old prospector shuffled into the town of El Indio, Texas leading a tired old mule.

The old man headed straight for the only saloon in town, to clear his parched throat.

He walked up to the saloon and tied his old mule to the hitch rail.

As he stood there, brushing some of the dust from his face and clothes, a young gunslinger stepped out of the saloon with a gun in one hand and a bottle of whisky in the other.

The young gunslinger looked at the old man and laughed, saying, "Hey old man, can you dance?"

The old man looked up at the gunslinger and said, "No son, I don't dance . . . never really wanted to."

A crowd had gathered as the gunslinger grinned and said, "Well, you old fool, you're gonna dance now!" and started shooting at the old man's feet.

The old prospector, not wanting to get a toe blown off, started hopping around like a flea on a hot skillet.

Everybody standing around was laughing.

When his last bullet had been fired, the young gunslinger, still laughing, holstered his gun and turned around to go back into the saloon.

The old man turned to his pack mule, pulled out a double-barreled 12 gauge shotgun and cocked both hammers.

The loud clicks carried clearly through the desert air. The crowd stopped laughing immediately.

The young gunslinger heard the sounds too, and he turned around very slowly.

The silence was deafening. The crowd watched as the young gunman stared at the old timer and the large gaping holes of those twin 12 gauge barrels.

The barrels of the shotgun never wavered in the old man's hands, as he quietly said;

"Son, have you ever kissed a mule's bottom?"

The gunslinger swallowed hard and said, "No sir .. . . but . . . but I've always wanted to."

There are a few lessons for all of us here:

* Don't be arrogant.

* Don't waste ammunition.

* Whisky makes you think you're smarter than you are.

* Always make sure you know who is in control.

* And finally, don't mess around with old folks; they didn't get old by being stupid.

I just love a story with a happy ending, don't you?


Thoughts for Today

Gun control is Liberal hate crime against America.

Driving a full size truck with a V6 is like kiss'n a pretty girl that don't kiss back.

Change we can believe in, isn't the same as change we want.

Average cost of 4 year public college education:  $80,840
Average wage of 4 year college graduate:  $49,785/year.
Average cost of trade school:  $33,000.
Average journeyman lineman wage: $43/hr. $89,440/year.
How smart is college again?

If third world emigrants are such smart, hard working and industrious people, why don't they make their home countries a better place to live?


One Week Challange

I've been asked to look into facilitating a Dave Ramsey class.  I've done this before and it can be both fun and irritating.  I'm seriously considering doing it again.

Dave doesn't have this in his class but its a technique I've used before to help people save for buying a house.  Here's the challenge:

Go one solid week without buying a single thing.  No groceries.  No gas.  No Cokes or coffees. No eating out.  You have to live on what you have in your house.  This means brown bagging it everyday for lunch.  You get an "out".  If you have a bill you need to pay it.  Otherwise no spending on anything.

I'm making myself do it this week, just to see if I still can.  All my bills are paid for the month so I'm not worried about that.  I'm giving myself one "out".  I sometimes need to travel for work on short notice, so if I go out of town for work or have to entertain for business, I can spend the company's money.

My only worry is that I forgot to fill up the truck and only have a touch over half a tank of gas.  We'll see if I make it.


BJW - Newly Weds

A young couple decided to wed. As the big day approached, they grew apprehensive. Each had a problem they had never before shared with anyone, not even each other.

The Groom-to-be, overcoming his fear, decided to ask his father for advice. "Father," he said, "I am deeply concerned about the success of my marriage."

His father replied, "Don't you love this girl?"

"Oh yes, very much," he said," but you see, I have very smelly feet, and I'm afraid that my fiancé will be put off by them."

"No problem," said dad, "all you have to do is wash your feet as often as possible, and always wear socks, even to bed." Well, to him this seemed a workable solution.

The bride-to-be, overcoming her fear, decided to take her problem up with her mom." Mom," she said, "When I wake up in the morning my breath is truly awful."

"Honey," her mother consoled, "everyone has bad breath in the morning."

"No, you don't understand, my morning breath is so bad, I'm afraid that my fiancé will not want to sleep in the same room with me."

Her mother said simply, "Try this. In the morning, get straight out of bed, and head for the kitchen and make breakfast. While the family is busy eating, move on to the bathroom and brush your teeth. The key is, not to say a word until you've brushed your teeth."

"I shouldn't say good morning or anything?" the daughter asked.

"Not a word," her mother affirmed.

"Well, it's certainly worth a try," she thought.

The loving couple were finally married. Not forgetting the advice each had received, he with his perpetual socks and she with her morning silence, they managed quite well. That is, until about six months later. Shortly before dawn one morning, the husband woke with a start to find that one of his socks had come off. Fearful of the consequences, he frantically searched the bed. This, of course, woke his bride and without thinking, she asked, "What on earth are you doing?"

"Oh, my," he replied, "you've swallowed my sock!"


BJW - Cowboys

Two cowboy friends, Wally and Dallas, each bought a horse one summer. They enjoyed riding around and doing the things that cowboys do. When winter came, however, they did not want to pay to have their horses stabled for the winter. Instead, they decided to release them in a pasture and get them in the spring.

Wally noticed a problem however, and he asked Dallas, "How will we know which horse is which when we pick them up?"

Dallas answered, "Well, I've been thinking about that, and I have the answer! We'll cut the mane off of my horse and we'll cut the tail off of yours. That way, we'll know which horse belongs to you and which belongs to me."
That seemed like a great plan, and so after the trimmings, the horses were released into the pasture. When spring came around, Wally and Dallas came to get their horses, only to discover that the mane and tail had grown back during the winter.

"Dallas, since the mane and tail have grown back, how do we know which is yours and which is mine?" Wally asked.

Dallas responded, "Well, I guess you'll have to take the black one and I'll take the white one."


BJW - Work Can Be Like That

Two women archeologists are down in Mexico excavating an ancient Mayan burial ground looking for some remains to take back to their museum.

Unfortunately, everything they run across is badly decomposed.

Says one: "We don't seem to be having much luck."

The other replies: "Keep on digging, honey, a good Mayan is hard to find!"

As the passengers settled in on a West Coast commuter flight, a flight attendant announced, "We'd like you folks to help us welcome our new co-pilot. He'll be performing his first commercial landing for us today, so be sure to give him a big round of applause when we come to a stop."

The plane made an extremely bumpy landing, bouncing hard two or three times before taxiing to a stop. Still, the passengers applauded.

Then the attendant's voice came over the intercom, "Thanks for flying with us. And don't forget to let our co-pilot know which landing you liked best."

The minister gave his Sunday morning service, as usual, but this particular Sunday, it was considerably longer than normal.

Later, at the door, shaking hands with parishioners as they moved out, one man said, "Your sermon, Pastor, was simply wonderful - so invigorating and inspiring and refreshing."

The minister, of course, broke out in a big smile, only to hear the man say, "Why I felt like a new man when I woke up!"

We were standing in line outside a busy restaurant. The harried hostess was checking to find out how many people were in each group. "Party of two," the woman behind us said to her, "and could we please have Michelle?"

Annoyed looks turned to knowing smiles when she added,

"Michelle is my daughter, and just once in my life I want her to wait on me!"


Let Him Play

Only in the most liberal freaking cesspool since Sodom would such a travesty be considered.

Jamel Speaks has an offer to play football next year at Temple.  Before he can do that, he has to finish out his senior season of high school, except they school won't let him.

The kid can't play ball at his high school because he is homeless.

I get the argument that high schools might bring in "ringer" athletes that aren't in their district, there for they have to prove residency.  That doesn't seem to be the case here.  


BJW - Football

Arlington, TX (AP) - A seven-year old boy was at the center of a Tarrant County courtroom drama yesterday when he challenged a court ruling over who should have custody of him. The boy has a history of being beaten by his parents and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt, in keeping with child custody law and regulation requiring that family unity be maintained to the highest degree possible

The boy surprised the court when he proclaimed that his aunt beat him more than his parents and he adamantly refused to live with her. When the judge then suggested that he live with his grandparents, the boy cried and said that they also beat him.

After considering the remainder of the immediate family and learning that domestic violence was apparently a way of life among them, the judge took the unprecedented step of allowing the boy to propose who should have custody of him.

After two recesses to check legal references and confer with the child welfare officials, the judge granted temporary custody to the Dallas Cowboys Football Team [replace with your least favorite team], whom the boy firmly believes are not capable of beating anyone.

FWIW I'm putting this in the BJW queue on July 29th and have no idea how the season is shaping up.


BJW - Biology Class Final Exam

I'm fairly sure I've used this one before but, I like everything about it.

Students in an advanced Biology class were taking their mid-term exam. The last question was, 'Name seven advantages of Mother's Milk,' worth 70 points or none at all. One student, in particular, was hard put to think of seven advantages. He wrote:

1. It is perfect formula for the child.

2. It provides immunity against several diseases.

3. It is always the right temperature.

4. It is inexpensive.

5. It bonds the child to mother, and vice versa.

6. It is always available as needed.

And then, the student was stuck. Finally, in desperation, just before the bell indicating the end of the test rang, he wrote...

7. It comes in 2 cute containers.


BJW - Cats and Coffee

A man hated his wife's cat and he decided to get rid of it. He drove 20 blocks away from home and dropped the cat there. The cat was already walking up the driveway when he approached his home.

The next day, he decided to drop the cat 40 blocks away but the same thing happened.

He kept on increasing the number of blocks but the cat kept on coming home before him. At last, he decided to drive a few miles away, turn right, then left, past the bridge, then right again and another right and so on until he reached what he thought was a perfect spot and dropped the cat there.

Hours later, the man calls his wife at home and asked her, "Jen, is the cat there?"

"Yes, why do you ask?” answered the wife.

Frustrated the man said, "Put that cat on the phone. I am lost and I need directions."


Today, I was in the bathroom at a popular coffee chain. Someone wrote "What Would Jesus Do?" on the wall.

Another person wrote directly underneath that, "Wash His hands."

Then a third person wrote, "And your feet."



If this is Labor Day, Why aren't you at work?


BJW - Navy

A US Navy cruiser pulled into port in Mississippi for a week's shore leave.

The first evening, the Captain was more than a little surprised to receive the following letter from the wife of a wealthy plantation owner:

"Dear Captain, Thursday will be my daughter Melinda's, coming of age party. I would like you to send four well mannered, handsome, unmarried officers. They should arrive at 8:00 p.m. prepared for an evening of polite southern conversation and dance with lovely young ladies. One last point: No, Mexican's. We don't like Mexican's."

Sure enough, at 8:00 PM on Thursday, the lady heard a rap at the door.

She opened the door to find, in dress uniform, four exquisitely mannered, smiling black officers.

Her jaw hit the floor, but pulling herself together she stammered, "There must be some mistake!"
"On no, madam," said the first officer, "Captain Martinez doesn't make mistakes.


My Father's War

John McCain died this last week.  Some are hailing him as a statesman, a war hero and a great American.  They are trotting out the past and striking up the band.  I'm not.

Back in the 1950's there was a little boy.  He had a dream.  He wanted to grow up and be a preacher.  In the 60's he graduated from high-school.  Vietnam was going on.  Still he had his dream and he was accepted into preaching school.

In the beginning of the war you couldn't get drafted if you were in college.  They called it a student deferral.  Dad never got called so he never had to use this excuse.  He loved college.  He went on mission trips and got to speak at lots of little churches that needed help.  He loved his classes and by all accounts did well.  Except in Greek.  He flunked Greek.  Which meant he flunked out of his program.  If he couldn't pass Greek, he couldn't be a preacher.

Dad could have stayed in college.  He could have changed his major.  He wasn't going to do that.  The country, his country, was at war.  If he could have followed his dream and been a preacher he would have.  He wasn't going to be drafted or serve with those who had.  At that time only the Marines were not accepting draftees.  He went and saw the Marine recruiter.  He was asked to list his choices for a military occupation specialty.  Chaplin, Chaplin's Assistant,  embassy duty, or raiders were some of his choices.  The Marines looked over those MOS's and promptly shaved his head and sent him to the Nam.

Dad was part of the security detail that guarded the Da Nang Air Base.  By all accounts he did his duty and was honorably discharged after being medevacked out days before the Tet Offensive.

I've left out a number of details, but that's the basic story of Viet Nam, My Father's War.  He has fired his weapon in anger.  He doesn't know if he ever killed anyone.  He never won a medal or did anything particularly heroic.  He did his job and went home.

As far as I can tell, my father's story is a lot like the stories of other men who wore their countries uniform and fought during its wars.  They went and did the job they were asked to do.  They may not have won any medals or special recognition.  They did their part as best as they could.

Then there is John McCain, the "war hero".  I know McCain's story too.  I know he crashed his jet on a carrier.  McCain's daddy was an admiral so he got to stay.  Lots of us get second chances we don't deserve so he gets a pass on this one.

McCain got shot down.  We don't know the details as nearly all of McCain's military records are still classified.  He got captured.  He became a POW.  Then based on the accounts we do have, he sold out and became a collaborator.  I'm going to give him a pass on all of this too, because I don't know how long he held out or how bad it got before he gave in.  From what we do know it was very, very bad.

My father didn't tell me this story, but other family members who were there did.  After dad was home, my grandfathers, both WWII vets and some other men took my dad down to the VFW to buy him a beer and get him a membership in the VFW.  As far as I know, beer has never touched my fathers lips.  That might be why my father never told me this story.

Anyway they go to the VFW.  The fella's have their membership cards and they order their drinks.  My grandfather introduces my dad and says he wants to get him his membership.  The VFW man asks about dad's service and informs him that he can't join because Viet Nam was a police action and not a war.

My grandfather never liked my dad all that much.  He married his daughter and was family, but the two of them were opposites of each other in just about every way.  Grandpa tore up his VFW card.  He wouldn't belong to a group that wouldn't accept a man that fought for his country.

John McCain got back from Viet Nam, stayed in the Navy and did well as a navel officer. He decided to get himself elected to congress for a couple of terms and then the Senate.  McCain had his scandals, his failures, his career as a RINO.  He had his chance to stick up for his country and his fellow service men.  He didn't.  He sold out our POW's.  As I remember hearing it, one of his buddies, or a family member had a great trade deal with Viet Nam, if only the US would normalize relations.  Poof, despite the fact that we knew in 1993 that the Russians had documentation of over 1,200 American POW's in South East Asia, they all suddenly "disappeared".

Viet Nam was my father's war.  Those POW's are my countrymen.  If those men are still alive they would be in their 60's to 70's.  My guess is they probably aren't around today.  From 1993 to 1995 those guys, our guys, had one last slim chance of coming home.  John McCain was part of the gang that killed that chance.

McCain's military service exceeds that of many men.  He had a rough time of it in Viet Nam.  I respect that fact.  Why is his service record still classified?  He spent 5 years as a POW.  None of the planes he flew then are still relevant today.  Nothing he knew as a navel officer has any bearing on military actions now.  What is so important that it is 50 years secret?

McCain's conduct after the war is reprehensible. His ability to flip flop unequaled.  Did the democrats have the goods to black mail him throughout his congressional career?  Little else, unless his membership in the Keating Five was more than it appeared, explains his voting record.

McCain's military service exceeds that of many men.  So does that of General Benedict Arnold.


BJW - Puns

You can't run through a campground.
You can only ran, because it's past tents.

“When she saw her first strands of gray hair she thought she'd dye.”

It's so quiet you can hear a pun drop.

Vaporizers: Some people haven't the foggiest idea how to use them.

I was going to watch the origami world championships before it folded...
but it was only on paper view.

Did you know Raymond Burr had a brother who was a lumberjack?
His name was Tim.

Our top story today:
According to a recent study, 9 out of 10 people who are afraid of hurdles never get over it.


BJW - For the New Parents

What's it like having a toddler?

Imagine raising a heavily caffeinated chimpanzee who is allergic to sleep.

"I've lost my mind and I'm pretty sure the kids took it."

Seeing my 11-year-old son perusing a website filled with photos of Britney Spears, I commented, "She certainly is pretty. Which picture do you like best?"

"I don't know," he mumbled, embarrassed by his newfound interest in girls. "I'm just reading about her."

I came closer and peered at the screen. "Oh, really?" I said.

"So when did you learn to read Spanish?

My husband, Cal, grew increasingly displeased as our teenage daughter and her boyfriend studied in her room late one evening. Finally losing patience shortly after midnight, he knocked sharply on her door. Her boyfriend immediately opened it and asked if something was wrong.

"I have to ask you to move your car," Cal told him.

"Oh, sure. Is it in someone's way?"

"No," Cal replied, "it's at the wrong address."



Sturgis starts this week...

A man appears before St. Peter at the Pearly Gates.

"Have you ever done anything of particular merit?" St. Peter asks.

"Well, I can think of one thing," the man offers. "Once, on a trip to the Black Hills, out in South Dakota, I came upon a gang of high-testosterone bikers who were threatening a young woman. I directed them to leave her alone, but they wouldn't listen. So I approached the largest and most heavily tattooed biker. I smacked him on the head, kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring and threw it on the ground, and told him, 'Leave her alone now or you'll answer to me.'"

St. Peter was impressed. "When did this happen?"

"Just a couple minutes ago."

Consider yourself warned.


BJW - Racism Today?

Everyone seems to be in such a hurry to scream 'racism' these days... ever wonder why? 

A customer walks into an establishment and asks, "In what aisle could I find the Polish sausage?" The clerk looks at him and says, "Are you Polish?"

The guy (clearly offended) says, "Well, yes I am. But let me ask you something. If I had asked for Italian sausage, would you ask me if I was Italian? Or if I had asked for German Bratwurst, would you ask me if I was German? Or if I asked for a kosher hot dog would you ask me if I was Jewish? Or if I had asked for a Taco, would you ask if I was Mexican? If I asked for some Irish whiskey, would you ask if I was Irish?"

The clerk says, "Well, no, I probably wouldn't!"

With deep self-righteous indignation, the guy says, "Well then, why did you ask me if I'm Polish because I asked for Polish sausage?"

The clerk replied, "Because you're in Home Depot."

Church Goers

Bernie and Esther were not the most religious couple and in fact, they really only went to church once a year.
As they were leaving the church, the minister said, "Bernie, it sure would be nice to see you and Esther here more than once a year!"

"I know," replied Bernie, "but at least we keep the Ten Commandments."

"That's great," the minister said. "I'm glad to hear that you keep the Commandments."

"Yep," Bernie said proudly, "Esther keeps six of them and I keep the other four."


Wyoming Political Ads

It's primary season in Wyoming again.  The primaries are when we pick which Republican we are going to elect to not accomplish a single thing that is important to us as a state.  Since its important that a Republican not do any good what-so-ever on our behalf in DC, and not a Democrat, who would certainly do us harm, this is the big election cycle for us.

It's a pretty good system.  It mostly works.  We vote for a Republican.  Doesn't generally matter which one.  We send them to DC and they work tirelessly accomplishing nothing for anyone back home.  This plan is infinitely better than when they feel the need to "do something".  When they "do something" it's generally a horrible mistake that serves to set freedom back and wreck western civilization.

This year some bozo named Dave Dodson wants Dr. John Borrasso's senate seat.  I know he is a bozo for a couple of reasons.  1. He lives in Jackson Hole.  Jackson Hole is not apart of Wyoming, even if they drew the lines on the map so that it looks like it is.  Jackson is the haunt of limousine liberals who make big bucks elsewhere and tax shelter here.  2. I've seen his adds.  I mean I HAVE SEEN HIS FREAKING AD!  Over and over and get the idea.

If you use a big fancy ad agency to buy internet ads in a state with a small population, they will target your audience.  That's what they are getting paid for.  It wouldn't be so bad if it was just banner ads.  Dodson has bought all the little t.v. type ads.  I can't get away from it.

I've made my decision.  Dr. Borrasso has never impressed me as our senator.  He hasn't.  I've spoken to the man.  He's a nice enough guy but not very conservative.  He's a little obtuse when it comes to economics and freedom, but good on the second amendment.  If Dodson is to be believed Dr. Borrasso is not a good man.  That is the main point of the ad.  The other point is that Dodson would be better.

Dodson would be better because...Dodson created 20,000 jobs.  Now only about 10,500 people live in Jackson Hole.  Maybe he got everyone an illegal alien as a maid and the illegals don't show up in the official census.  I don't know.  I'd sure like to see those jobs he made appear out of thin air.   I don't think they are in Wyoming, if they are anyplace.

Dodson may be right.  John Borrasso may be the devil incarnate.  Kinda doubt it, but maybe.  One thing our current waste of space in a political place hasn't done over the last 11 years is torture me with endless internet ads about "his (all BS) plan" to put Wyoming first.

Kudos for trying to ride in on Trump's slogan but, boring politician, endless BS ads .... NO VOTE!

One last thing.  If you can afford to live in Jackson Hole, why would you spend even one minute in Sodom on Potomac?  NO ONE with Wyoming values would willing do such a thing.  Our current congress critter is a life long DC insider who lives in Virginia (just like she did before being elected to the House).  Mike Enzi isn't a rich man.  Nobody with Jackson Hole money does anything for altruistic reasons.


BJW - Dog Driver

As I drove into a parking lot, I noticed that a pickup truck with a dog sitting behind the wheel was rolling toward a female pedestrian.

She seemed oblivious, so I hit my horn to get her attention.

She looked up just in time to jump out of the way of the truck's path, and the vehicle bumped harmlessly into the curb and stopped.

I rushed to the woman's side to see if she was all right.

"I'm fine," she assured me, "but I hate to think what could have happened to me if that dog hadn't honked."

Apparently, you can't use "beef-stew" as a password.

It's not stroganoff.


Sunday Afternoon

In a fit of blogging activity I managed to fill up the BJW queue into the first of the year.

In other news I've not been able to bring myself to write the rest of my Losing My Religion posts.  It really is that draining.  I guess I should just set down and do it but I've not been motivated.


BJW Mea Culpa Edition

My bad.  I just realized I let the BJW queue run dry.  Here is todays edition:

A priest, a drunkard, and an engineer were led to the guillotine for their crimes. The executioner pulled the priest forward first and asked him if he wanted to be facing up or down when he met his face.

"Upward," said the priest. "I want to be looking toward heaven when I die."

The blade zoomed downward, but stopped just an inch short of the priest's throat. All assembled agreed that it was divine intervention, and let the priest go free.

The drunkard was pulled forward next, and decided to copy the priest, hoping he would get as lucky. Again the blade zoomed down but stopped just short of the drunkard's throat. So the authorities released him as well.

It was finally the engineer's turn.

He, like the others, decided to face upward. The blade slowly raised back into place. "Oh, hey, I think I know what the problem is." The engineer exclaimed.  "That cable to the left appears to be catching the rope!"

I guess it's not really a bad joke if its true so...

Bonus BJW

Nancy's nephew was 4 when she was pregnant with her first kid. She allowed him to place his hand on her belly and feel the baby kick.

His little face scrunched and said, "How does the baby get out of there?"

She wanted to keep it simple so she said, "The doctor will help."

His eyes widened in amazement as he exclaimed, "You've got a doctor in there, too?"


BJW - How Old Am I?

A college professor asked his class a question.

"If Philadelphia is 100 miles from New York and Chicago is 1000 miles from Philadelphia and Los Angles is 2000 miles from Chicago, how old am I?"

One student in the back of the class raised his hand and when called upon said, "Professor you're 44."
The Professor said, "You're absolutely correct, but tell me, how did you arrive at the answer so quickly?"

The student said, "You see Professor, I have a brother; he's 22, and he's half nuts."


Buckle Bunny Knows

Where is my John Wayne
Where is my prairie song
Where is my happy ending
Where have all the cowboys gone

Well Paula, its like this: Men don't stick around long where they aren't wanted.  American feminists pointed and shrieked "men bad" for sixty years.  The men quit coming around.

Cowboys are being PC'd out of existence.

Seems to me the Duke had it right.


BJW - Russian Dressing

"You name it, we'll make it!" Was the big sign outside the new restaurant on 13th Avenue. "There is no food we can't make for you!"

"Excuse me sir," said a man with a heavy Russian accent to the waiter, "I vould like please, A Garden Salad with Russian dressing."


"Don't worry," said the owner to the cook, "I'll take care of everything, you just make the salad."

Two minutes later the waiter walked out with a big Garden Salad and a picture of a Russian man putting on his shirt.


Trump and Judges

I've gotta admit that I'm more than getting my monies worth when it comes to Trump as entertainment. It really is fun to watch him get things done and have Sodom on Potomac in a snit. Those in the know seem to think that Trump will announce his pick for Supreme Court Justice on Monday. Before he makes that announcement, I'm gonna stick my oar in. I think POTUS should nominate Roy Moore former Chief Justice of the Alabama Supreme Court to SCOTUS.

There are a lot of solid and sensible reasons to have Roy Moore on the Court. Probably more good reasons in favor of him than anyone else I can think of. But that's not why I think Trump should do it. He should make that nomination for shear entertainment value. I know I said I was getting my monies worth now.  Half the media talking heads would explode. The other half would curl up and die of despair. 90% of Democrat and 75% of Republican office holders would immediately die of hart attacks on hearing the news. The sound of weeping and gnashing of teeth on college campuses would only be drowned out by the uncontrolled blubbering of bureaucrats and community organizers.

Just think of it...The Senate Conformation Hearing would be CNN gold. The devil will let John McCain out of hell just to side the democrats in opposing Moore. All the Holyweird crowd that promised to move to Canada if Trump was elected, will finally go.

Mr. President, just do it. Think of the ratings. Think of the twitter traffic. Think of the country. Think of the show!


BJW - The 4th

Food, Family, Fourth of July, and Fireworks. The four best F words ever!

What happened as a result of the Stamp Act?
The Americans licked the British!

How come there's no Knock Knock joke about America?
Because freedom rings.

What's red, white, black and blue?
Uncle Sam falling down the stairs.

What kind of tea did the American colonists want?

What was General Washington's favourite tree?
The infantry.

What do you call a redneck bursting into flames?
A Fire Cracker!

What was the most popular dance in 1776?

What does the Statue of Liberty stand for?
It can't sit down.

Who was the biggest jokester in George Washington's army?

Why did the duck say bang?
Because he was a firequacker.

What's the difference between a duck and George Washington?
One has a bill on his face, and the other has his face on a bill

Why were the first Americans like ants?
They lived in colonies.

What do you eat on July 5th?
Independence Day-Old-Pizza.

What quacks, has webbed feet, and betrays his country?
Beneduck Arnold.

What did the fuse say to the firecracker?
Lets get together and "pop it like its hot".

How do you start the 4th of July parade in the ghetto?
Roll a 40 down the street.

What protest by a group of dogs occurred in 1772?
The Boston Flea Party.

Why did Paul Revere ride his horse from Boston to Lexington?
Because the horse was too heavy to carry.

Did you hear the one about the Liberty Bell?
Yeah, it cracked me up!

What do you call a duck on the fourth of July?
A fire quacker.

What would you get if you crossed George Washington with cattle feed?
The Fodder of Our Country!

What did one flag say to the other flag?
Nothing. It just waved.

Which colonists told the most jokes?

True independence and freedom can only exist in doing what's right.

True patriotism hates injustice in its own land more than anywhere else.

Democracy is the government of the people, by the people, for the people.

People have forgotten what 4th of July really is about. Today commemorates the freedom we use everyday. It's not fireworks and parties. That's just what makes it fun.

Let's enjoy one of the last Independence Days before our complete dependence on China.

Let us remember as we fall asleep this Independence Day those who fight and the many that have died to protect our freedom.

Did you hear the one about the Liberty Bell? Yeah, it cracked me up too!