Dinner Guest

A man and a woman were having dinner in a fine restaurant.

Their waitress, taking another order at a table a few paces away
noticed that the man was slowly sliding down his chair and under
the table, with the woman acting unconcerned. The waitress
watched as the man slid all the way down his chair and out of
sight under the table.

Still, the woman dining across from him appeared calm and
unruffled, apparently unaware that her dining companion had
disappeared. After the waitress finished taking the order, she
came over to the table and said to the woman, "Pardon me, ma'am,
but I think your husband just slid under the table."

The woman calmly looked up at her and replied firmly, "No, he
didn't. He just walked in the door."

Too Lazy to Think Up a Post

I'm on vacation this week. 


So I'm shamelessly ripping off other peoples memes.

Hard to Believe

It's hard to believe that 6 weeks have gone by since I recovered My Blogger Account. All I have to show for it in that time is several BJW's that I uploaded when I was home to fill the queue. Even those are almost out.


I'm still living in a different part of the state almost 400 miles from my family. Since last Friday I managed to work probably better than 60 hrs. Not bad for a banker. All that hard work has paid off. I'm now enjoying this entire next week at home with my family.


My daughter has reminded me that we haven't had a date this month. That's happening after I get off the computer. My son has designs on every fish in the state. Mrs Ipsa and I have plans for later in the week. We'll be 20 years married come Wednesday.


I have several blog posts that I've composed in my head, none of which have made it into writing yet. Maybe being back at home I'll get some time to type them up.


  I wish you and yours a great Memorial Weekend! May the kick off to summer find you with friends and family and a BBQ grill close to hand.

Indian Math

An Native American chief had three wives, each of whom was pregnant...


The first gave birth to a boy. The chief was so elated that he built her a teepee made of deer hide.

A few days later, the second gave birth, also to a boy. The chief was very happy. He built her a teepee made of antelope hide.

The third wife gave birth a few days later, but the chief kept the details a secret. He built this one a two story teepee, made out of a hippopotamus hide. The chief then challenged the tribe to guess what had occurred.

Many tried, unsuccessfully. Finally, one young brave declared that the third wife had given birth to twin boys.

"Correct," said the chief. "How did you figure it out?"

The warrior answered, "It's elementary. The value of the squaw of the hippopotamus is equal to the sons of the squaws of the other two hides."

A Pun A Day

In the great desert lived a bunch of nomads.


Their leader, Benny, had risen to his rank, due to his magnificent beard. His people believed a man's strength and courage came from his beard, and thus the man with the biggest beard was their chief.

After leading the band for many years, Benny began to feel uncomfortable wearing the beards, in this hot and dusty land. He wanted to shave it off, so he called his council together to get their advice.

When he said he wanted to shave, the councilmen were shocked. One said, "Do you now remember the ancient legend, dire? The leader who removes his beard is cursed and made into a piece of earthenware."

Benny had heard this legend, but being a modern man, he scoffed at the tale.

Being headstrong, he went ahead and cut and scraped away his once magnificent beard. As the final whisker was cut off, a huge dust storm came up. It lasted only a few seconds, and when it cleared, there was a man-sized clay vessel where only moments before had stood their leader.

The council then knew the legend must be true. Their conclusion? "A Benny shaved is a Benny urned."

Long but Worth it

The world's leading expert on European wasps walks into a record shop...


He asks the assistant “Do you have ‘European Vespidae Acoustics Volume 2? I believe it was released this week.”

“Certainly,” replies the assistant. “Would you like to listen before you buy it?”

 "That would be wonderful," says the expert, and puts on a pair of headphones.

He listens for a few moments and says to the assistant, “I'm terribly sorry, but I am the world's leading expert on European wasps and this is not accurate at all. I don't recognize any of those sounds. Are you sure this is the correct recording?”

The assistant checks the turntable, and replies that it is indeed European Vespidae Acoustics Volume 2. The assistant apologizes and lifts the needle onto the next track.

Again the expert listens for a few moments and then says to the assistant, "No, this just can't be right! I've been an expert in this field for 43 years and I still don't recognize any of these sounds."

 The assistant apologizes again and lifts the needle to the next track.

The expert throws off the headphones as soon as it starts playing and is fuming with rage.

"This is outrageous false advertising! I am the world's leading expert on European wasps and no European wasp has ever made a sound like the ones on this record!"

The manager of the shop overhears the commotion and walks over.

"What seems to be the problem, sir?"

"This is an outrage! I am the world's leading expert on European wasps. Nobody knows more about them than I do. There is no way in hell that the sounds on that record were made by European wasps!"

The manager glances down and notices the problem instantly.

"I'm terribly sorry, sir. It appears we've been playing you the bee side."

Personal Update

Farmer Tom gave me a call yesterday to see what I was up to, and to invite me to join the group on Face Book.  He asked how I was and how I was doing.  Then  a customer came in and I had to get back to work.

The short version is that I started a new job six months ago.  It's in a different town almost 400 miles from home.  We've been trying to sell our house but where we live now there are lots of homes for sale and not a lot of buyers.

The new job is great!  I haven't lost my touch.  I like not working with crazy people.  I've been greatly blessed and Mrs. Ipsa is able to stay home full time and home school.

The original plan was that the house would sell quickly and we'd have a new place.  To keep my expenses low, I rented a cheap apartment.  There is no TV or phone or internet in my apartment because I didn't want to sign a contract.  I don't have the luxury of a non-monitored internet at work.  I doubt my IT guy spends a lot of time checking up, but they let it be know that he can.  No blogging on the clock for me.

I'm home this weekend.  It's supposed to get into the low 80's today.  My son is nuts about fishing and I think there will be at least some mayfly hatches this afternoon.  In a little bit we are getting back in the truck (I just got home last night) and taking another drive.  I'm hoping he'll connect with some browns.

Train Drain

So there was this man in Bulgaria who drove trains for a living...


He loved his job. Driving a train had been his dream ever since he was a child. He loved to make the train go as fast as possible. Unfortunately, one day he was a little too reckless and caused a crash. He made it out, but a single person died. Well, needless to say, he went to court over this incident. He was found guilty, and was sentenced to death by electrocution. When the day of the execution came, he requested a single banana as his last meal. After eating the banana, he was strapped into the electric chair. The switch was flown, sparks flew, and smoke filled the air - but nothing happened. The man was perfectly fine.


Well, at the time, there was an old Bulgarian law that said a failed execution was a sign of divine intervention, so the man was allowed to go free. Somehow, he managed to get his old job back driving the train. Having not learned his lesson at all, he went right back to driving the train with reckless abandon. Once again, he caused a train to crash, this time killing two people. The trial went much the same as the first, resulting in a sentence of execution. For his final meal, the man requested two bananas. After eating the bananas, he was strapped into the electric chair. The switch was thrown, sparks flew, smoke filled the room - and the man was once again unharmed.


Well, this of course meant that he was free to go. And once again, he somehow managed to get his old job back. To what should have been the surprise of no one, he crashed yet another train and killed three people. And so he once again found himself being sentenced to death. On the day of his execution, he requested his final meal: three bananas.


"You know what? No," said the executioner. "I've had it with you and your stupid bananas and walking out of here unharmed. I'm not giving you a thing to eat; we're strapping you in and doing this now." Well, it was against protocol, but the man was strapped in to the electric chair without a last meal. The switch was pulled, sparks flew, smoke filled the room - and the man was still unharmed. The executioner was speechless.


The man looked at the executioner and said, "Oh, the bananas had nothing to do with it. I'm just a bad conductor."