Hugh Hefner died at age 91.
Among his accomplishments is a Gunnies Book of Word Records accolade for having groped more silicon implants than any other living human being. Not really, but he could have had it, if he wanted it.
Much is being made of "the Hef's" taking $8,000 and building a multi-billion dollar business. They are talking about him being a "pioneer" and making an "impact" on the culture. Hugh Hefner is even being credited with the sexual revolution. He apparently helped bankroll the lawyers behind Roe V. Wade. He promoted black entertainers. Guess we ought to make him a saint or something.
I'm not going to pretend I've never seen a Playboy. I have. I don't ever remember reading any of the articles either. I'm sure they have some in there. At least everyone says they do. I like naked women. I am passionately pro-boobies. I'm not such a hypocrite as to pretend I don't like sex, or that I think its somehow evil. I don't think that at all. I'm in favor of good old fashioned slip'n slide'n, belly slap'n, do it till you can't walk right for a week, sex.
But reading the Hef's eulogies you'd think that someone great has passed. I'm calling BS on that right now. Hugh Hefner went to college and studied psychology. Like a lot of college guys he was keen on sex, and he had a bit of perverted streak. Looking back at college all I can say is, me too.
Hef's genius was he figured out that guys like to look at women. Yeah sure every guy knows that, including every guy born before 1953 when Playboy got its start. So Hugh being the astute business man that he was sold guys magazines with glossy pictures of attractive women in various states of undress. Guys everywhere bought millions of them. Who'd of thunk?
I'd heard the story about the $8,000 to start Playboy before. What I didn't know was where the first grand came from. Anybody know? Hugh got $1,000 big ones from his mother, the other $7,000 came from 40 other people. Yep, mom was his single biggest investor.
It may come as a surprise to some, but sex existed before porn. Folks having been having sex since Adam and Eve. There isn't a single move that's been tried in the back seat of a car that wasn't tried in the back of a wagon by our grandparents. How do you think mom and dad got here?
If I remember right, in my Sunday school class they taught us that being naked was God's idea from the word go. God only had two rules back in the Garden: 1. don't eat that fruit, 2. have sex. I believe it was stated as "Thou do it liketh the bunnies" in the King James.
If you judge a man by the good he's done, Hefner comes up short. He made porn mainstream. What good did that do? We had sex before Hugh. By all accounts it has always been popular. Hefner made good money by making pictures available to horny guys. Big deal. We can get that and more on the internet for free.
Hefner's headstone should read:
Guys like porn.
I sold it to them.
The end.
9/26/2017
In The News
Mrs. Ipsa went to college in Tennessee and served her internship in Virginia. She still has friends there and keeps tabs on things in that area of the world. On Sunday she asked me if I had heard about a church shooting outside of Nashville. I hadn't. So I went looking for it.
The story wasn't predominantly featured on any of the news outlets I checked out. Of course I Googled "Church Shooting" and Google auto filled the Tennessee part. That tells me that plenty of other people were searching for the same story. Google provided me with a link to a Fox News Story.
The link I've given gives a fairly straight forward report of the events of the shooting. It's not sensationalized. It's a report that basically states, "this happened" and then "this happened" with some quotes from people who were involved. Which is a correct way to report on this type of story. It's also not representative of what I've seen as "news reports" concerning the shooting.
What happened was a black immigrant from a Muslim country shot up a church of mostly white folks. The major news outlets don't seem to want to report that. I'm not saying that the headlines should have been sensationalized to point out his race and immigration status or even that he is from a Muslim country. With a name like Emanuel Kidega Samson he might not have even been a Muslim.
It seems suspicious that the news media only discovered that a black guy shot up a white church after they ran their initial stories and decided that there was no real reason to keep the story as a lead, or even as front page material. After the story was dropped from the top of the rotation the folks at CNN went back in and added the pertinent information, and foot noted that fact.
The story wasn't predominantly featured on any of the news outlets I checked out. Of course I Googled "Church Shooting" and Google auto filled the Tennessee part. That tells me that plenty of other people were searching for the same story. Google provided me with a link to a Fox News Story.
The link I've given gives a fairly straight forward report of the events of the shooting. It's not sensationalized. It's a report that basically states, "this happened" and then "this happened" with some quotes from people who were involved. Which is a correct way to report on this type of story. It's also not representative of what I've seen as "news reports" concerning the shooting.
What happened was a black immigrant from a Muslim country shot up a church of mostly white folks. The major news outlets don't seem to want to report that. I'm not saying that the headlines should have been sensationalized to point out his race and immigration status or even that he is from a Muslim country. With a name like Emanuel Kidega Samson he might not have even been a Muslim.
It seems suspicious that the news media only discovered that a black guy shot up a white church after they ran their initial stories and decided that there was no real reason to keep the story as a lead, or even as front page material. After the story was dropped from the top of the rotation the folks at CNN went back in and added the pertinent information, and foot noted that fact.
9/20/2017
Drunk Driving Joke
Jim’s car is swerving all over the road so a cop pulls him over, “Step out of the car” says the cop, “I am going to need you to take a breathalyzer test.” “I can’t”, Jim responds “You see I have very bad asthma, that can set off an attack.”
“Alright,” says the cop, “then you’re going to have to take a blood test.” “Can’t do that either,” Jim responds, “I am a hemophiliac, if a wound is opened, I won’t stop bleeding, and I could bleed to death.”
“Ok,” the cop answers “then I will need a urine sample.” “Sorry,” says Jim “I also have diabetes, that could push my sugar count really low.”
“Fine, so just come on out, and walk a straight line for me.” “Can’t do that either” responds Jim. “Why not?” Demanded the exasperated cop. “Well, because I’m drunk!”
“Alright,” says the cop, “then you’re going to have to take a blood test.” “Can’t do that either,” Jim responds, “I am a hemophiliac, if a wound is opened, I won’t stop bleeding, and I could bleed to death.”
“Ok,” the cop answers “then I will need a urine sample.” “Sorry,” says Jim “I also have diabetes, that could push my sugar count really low.”
“Fine, so just come on out, and walk a straight line for me.” “Can’t do that either” responds Jim. “Why not?” Demanded the exasperated cop. “Well, because I’m drunk!”
9/13/2017
9/06/2017
BJW - Awkward?
That awkward moment when…
you say goodbye to someone and then both walk in the same direction..
That awkward moment when…
someone tells you to stop clicking your pen, but you have to click it one more time to use it
That awkward moment when…
somebody is cross-eyed and you dont know which eye to look at.
That awkward moment when…
the guy who discovered milk had to explain to the village what he was doing to the cow.
That awkward moment when…
someone’s zipper is down & you don’t know whether to tell, because you can’t explain why you were looking that low.
That awkward moment when…
you wave to someone and it turns out they were waving to the person behind you.
That awkward moment when…
someone isn’t txting you back and then you see them update their status from mobile…
That awkward moment when…
The your chair makes a farting noise & no one believes it was the chair, so you try to do it again.
That awkward moment when…
you change your Facebook status to ”single” and your ex ‘Likes’ it.
That awkward moment when…
your teacher is helping someone with their work, and her ass is in your face
That awkward moment when…
you go to a friends yard sale .. and you see the gift you got them for their birthday is for sale!
That awkward moment when…
the someone says ”you two should go out!”
That awkward moment when…
Your at a friends house and thier dog won’t stop sniffing your crotch.
That awkward moment when…
you look up from your phone and the person you have been following around the supermarket isn’t your Mom.
That awkward moment when…
The awkward moment when you attempt to tickle someone’s armpit and end up feeling the moist on your fingers.
That awkward moment when…
that awkward feeling when you accidentally drop your phone in the toilet after using it, then take a deep breath and decide well I got to get it now.
That awkward moment when…
two people start a conversation on your facebook status.
That awkward moment when…
you’re talking to yourself and start to smile like an idiot because you’re so hilarious.
That awkward moment when…
When you start telling a story and you realize no one’s listening, so you slowly fade out and pretend you never said anything.
That awkward moment when…
you realize you used the status bar instead of the search bar!
That awkward moment when…
you post a funny status on Facebook and someone has to ruin it by commenting being all serious!
That awkward moment when…
when you tell a joke and nobody laughs then a few seconds later they all get it…
That awkward moment when…
someone asks you whats wrong and they are the problem
That awkward moment when…
That awkward moment when your dancing, then you turn around & you realize someone has been watching you the WHOLE time.
That awkward moment when…
you get hung up on and you continue the conversation alone to attempt to fool the other people in the room..
That awkward moment when…
you do a math problem, and your answer isn’t even one of the choices.
That awkward moment when…
you are in the grocery store and someone is standing in front of the item you need, so you pretend to look at something else until they move.
That awkward moment when…
…that awkward moment after you call your girlfriend the wrong name.
That awkward moment when…
you think you wrote a great status and then nobody likes it…..
That awkward moment when…
you hold the door for someone and you’re left standing there for an eternity because they move at a turtle’s pace.
That awkward moment when…
U look in a car window to fix ur hair.. after standing there for 5 minutes… you see someone in the car…
That awkward moment when…
you struggle to open the door at the Gym
That awkward moment when…
your trapped in the corner of your shower because the cold water came out
That awkward moment when…
the weirdest kid in school is in a relationship and you’re still single.
That awkward moment when…
you mistakenly thought that a stranger from across the room was trying to get your attention and you pointed to yourself and mouthed the word “Meee?”
That awkward moment when…
a guys t*ts are bigger than yours
That awkward moment when…
an ugly person says “I need my beauty sleep” when they really need to hibernate…
That awkward moment when…
you’re scuba diving and you see Adele rolling in the deep.
That awkward moment when…
you accidently send a flirty message to your girlfriend when it was supposed to go to another girl
That awkward moment when…
Adele finds someone like you
That awkward moment when…
you’ve already said “what?” three times and still have no idea what the person said, so you just agree.
you say goodbye to someone and then both walk in the same direction..
That awkward moment when…
someone tells you to stop clicking your pen, but you have to click it one more time to use it
That awkward moment when…
somebody is cross-eyed and you dont know which eye to look at.
That awkward moment when…
the guy who discovered milk had to explain to the village what he was doing to the cow.
That awkward moment when…
someone’s zipper is down & you don’t know whether to tell, because you can’t explain why you were looking that low.
That awkward moment when…
you wave to someone and it turns out they were waving to the person behind you.
That awkward moment when…
someone isn’t txting you back and then you see them update their status from mobile…
That awkward moment when…
The your chair makes a farting noise & no one believes it was the chair, so you try to do it again.
That awkward moment when…
you change your Facebook status to ”single” and your ex ‘Likes’ it.
That awkward moment when…
your teacher is helping someone with their work, and her ass is in your face
That awkward moment when…
you go to a friends yard sale .. and you see the gift you got them for their birthday is for sale!
That awkward moment when…
the someone says ”you two should go out!”
That awkward moment when…
Your at a friends house and thier dog won’t stop sniffing your crotch.
That awkward moment when…
you look up from your phone and the person you have been following around the supermarket isn’t your Mom.
That awkward moment when…
The awkward moment when you attempt to tickle someone’s armpit and end up feeling the moist on your fingers.
That awkward moment when…
that awkward feeling when you accidentally drop your phone in the toilet after using it, then take a deep breath and decide well I got to get it now.
That awkward moment when…
two people start a conversation on your facebook status.
That awkward moment when…
you’re talking to yourself and start to smile like an idiot because you’re so hilarious.
That awkward moment when…
When you start telling a story and you realize no one’s listening, so you slowly fade out and pretend you never said anything.
That awkward moment when…
you realize you used the status bar instead of the search bar!
That awkward moment when…
you post a funny status on Facebook and someone has to ruin it by commenting being all serious!
That awkward moment when…
when you tell a joke and nobody laughs then a few seconds later they all get it…
That awkward moment when…
someone asks you whats wrong and they are the problem
That awkward moment when…
That awkward moment when your dancing, then you turn around & you realize someone has been watching you the WHOLE time.
That awkward moment when…
you get hung up on and you continue the conversation alone to attempt to fool the other people in the room..
That awkward moment when…
you do a math problem, and your answer isn’t even one of the choices.
That awkward moment when…
you are in the grocery store and someone is standing in front of the item you need, so you pretend to look at something else until they move.
That awkward moment when…
…that awkward moment after you call your girlfriend the wrong name.
That awkward moment when…
you think you wrote a great status and then nobody likes it…..
That awkward moment when…
you hold the door for someone and you’re left standing there for an eternity because they move at a turtle’s pace.
That awkward moment when…
U look in a car window to fix ur hair.. after standing there for 5 minutes… you see someone in the car…
That awkward moment when…
you struggle to open the door at the Gym
That awkward moment when…
your trapped in the corner of your shower because the cold water came out
That awkward moment when…
the weirdest kid in school is in a relationship and you’re still single.
That awkward moment when…
you mistakenly thought that a stranger from across the room was trying to get your attention and you pointed to yourself and mouthed the word “Meee?”
That awkward moment when…
a guys t*ts are bigger than yours
That awkward moment when…
an ugly person says “I need my beauty sleep” when they really need to hibernate…
That awkward moment when…
you’re scuba diving and you see Adele rolling in the deep.
That awkward moment when…
you accidently send a flirty message to your girlfriend when it was supposed to go to another girl
That awkward moment when…
Adele finds someone like you
That awkward moment when…
you’ve already said “what?” three times and still have no idea what the person said, so you just agree.
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