BJW - Work Can Be Like That

Two women archeologists are down in Mexico excavating an ancient Mayan burial ground looking for some remains to take back to their museum.

Unfortunately, everything they run across is badly decomposed.

Says one: "We don't seem to be having much luck."

The other replies: "Keep on digging, honey, a good Mayan is hard to find!"


As the passengers settled in on a West Coast commuter flight, a flight attendant announced, "We'd like you folks to help us welcome our new co-pilot. He'll be performing his first commercial landing for us today, so be sure to give him a big round of applause when we come to a stop."

The plane made an extremely bumpy landing, bouncing hard two or three times before taxiing to a stop. Still, the passengers applauded.

Then the attendant's voice came over the intercom, "Thanks for flying with us. And don't forget to let our co-pilot know which landing you liked best."


The minister gave his Sunday morning service, as usual, but this particular Sunday, it was considerably longer than normal.

Later, at the door, shaking hands with parishioners as they moved out, one man said, "Your sermon, Pastor, was simply wonderful - so invigorating and inspiring and refreshing."

The minister, of course, broke out in a big smile, only to hear the man say, "Why I felt like a new man when I woke up!"


We were standing in line outside a busy restaurant. The harried hostess was checking to find out how many people were in each group. "Party of two," the woman behind us said to her, "and could we please have Michelle?"

Annoyed looks turned to knowing smiles when she added,

"Michelle is my daughter, and just once in my life I want her to wait on me!"

Let Him Play

Only in the most liberal freaking cesspool since Sodom would such a travesty be considered.

Jamel Speaks has an offer to play football next year at Temple.  Before he can do that, he has to finish out his senior season of high school, except they school won't let him.

The kid can't play ball at his high school because he is homeless.

I get the argument that high schools might bring in "ringer" athletes that aren't in their district, there for they have to prove residency.  That doesn't seem to be the case here.  

BJW - Football

Arlington, TX (AP) - A seven-year old boy was at the center of a Tarrant County courtroom drama yesterday when he challenged a court ruling over who should have custody of him. The boy has a history of being beaten by his parents and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt, in keeping with child custody law and regulation requiring that family unity be maintained to the highest degree possible

The boy surprised the court when he proclaimed that his aunt beat him more than his parents and he adamantly refused to live with her. When the judge then suggested that he live with his grandparents, the boy cried and said that they also beat him.

After considering the remainder of the immediate family and learning that domestic violence was apparently a way of life among them, the judge took the unprecedented step of allowing the boy to propose who should have custody of him.

After two recesses to check legal references and confer with the child welfare officials, the judge granted temporary custody to the Dallas Cowboys Football Team [replace with your least favorite team], whom the boy firmly believes are not capable of beating anyone.



FWIW I'm putting this in the BJW queue on July 29th and have no idea how the season is shaping up.

BJW - Biology Class Final Exam

I'm fairly sure I've used this one before but, I like everything about it.


Students in an advanced Biology class were taking their mid-term exam. The last question was, 'Name seven advantages of Mother's Milk,' worth 70 points or none at all. One student, in particular, was hard put to think of seven advantages. He wrote:

1. It is perfect formula for the child.

2. It provides immunity against several diseases.

3. It is always the right temperature.

4. It is inexpensive.

5. It bonds the child to mother, and vice versa.

6. It is always available as needed.

And then, the student was stuck. Finally, in desperation, just before the bell indicating the end of the test rang, he wrote...

7. It comes in 2 cute containers.

BJW - Cats and Coffee

A man hated his wife's cat and he decided to get rid of it. He drove 20 blocks away from home and dropped the cat there. The cat was already walking up the driveway when he approached his home.

The next day, he decided to drop the cat 40 blocks away but the same thing happened.

He kept on increasing the number of blocks but the cat kept on coming home before him. At last, he decided to drive a few miles away, turn right, then left, past the bridge, then right again and another right and so on until he reached what he thought was a perfect spot and dropped the cat there.

Hours later, the man calls his wife at home and asked her, "Jen, is the cat there?"

"Yes, why do you ask?” answered the wife.

Frustrated the man said, "Put that cat on the phone. I am lost and I need directions."

WWJD?

Today, I was in the bathroom at a popular coffee chain. Someone wrote "What Would Jesus Do?" on the wall.

Another person wrote directly underneath that, "Wash His hands."

Then a third person wrote, "And your feet."

Question

If this is Labor Day, Why aren't you at work?