Soon We Won't Have Any Freedoms Left

I don't like drones.  I didn't think they had any legitimate use at all.  I was proven wrong and I admit it. 

Thirsty ice fishermen can no longer receive beer deliveries via drones in Minnesota

Ice fisherman in central Minnesota will no longer be able to have beer delivered to them by a drone. Lakemaid Beer had been testing a drone delivery service on Lake Mille Lacs, one of the most popular fishing destinations in Minnesota. Fishermen simply called in with their coordinates, and a drone was sent carrying refreshments.

After news of the drone deliveries started to go viral, the FAA found out and grounded the service.

I've ice fished and I may do it again.  While I can't remember the last time I caught a fish through the ice, I consider myself one of the worlds foremost experts on the subject.  There are some things you need to ice fish effectively.  Lots of thick ice, some method of drilling a hole in it, fishing gear and alcohol.  Other things like a shanty and a source of heat are nice, as are a truck with a good heater. 

Out of all those things on the list all you really need is the ice and alcoholic beverages.  True if you don't have a hole chopped in the ice and fishing gear you aren't likely to catch fish.  That's a minor detail.  Nobody goes ice fishing to catch fish.  If you didn't have serious issues in your life forcing you out of doors in subzero weather and a jones for booze you wouldn't go. 

Yeah, you might be ice fishing for the fun of it.  Frostbite is fun, right?  If there is a more miserable place to be in the winter time than Minnesota, its got to be North Dakota.  That's not the point. 

It's Minnesota, its February, its -14 outside and the wind is blowing, its snowing and its never going to stop!  On the downside a married man has been confined to his house for at least 60 days with his wife, kids and a gaggle of relatives at Christmas.  What's a man to do?  Football is over, and summer mosquito season is still six months away.  Minnesota doesn't even have a decent name or mascot for their hockey team for crisssakes.  Even if they did the Red Wings would skate them into little legless octopi.

On the upside, that man has a fishing shanty and the ice is thick enough to drive on.  He artfully explains to his wife that the boss is sending him to a convention in Duluth for the week.  Then he goes to his boss to get him to cover with the wife.  The boss makes him a deal they'll both lie for each other, and he'll buy the propane for the heater and go half on the rest.  Sitting in an outhouse on a frozen lake, smoking cigars and eating Van Camps baked beans beats the heck out of the other winter activities in Minnesota.

The only problem with the plan is that there is no way you can pack a shanty and enough beer to keep two men ice fishing for a week in a pick-up truck.  That's where the drones came in.  The drones kept everyone happy and safe.  Just place your order and the drones bring out the beer.  Every couple of hours a new case of beer arrives.  Nobody had to drive into town to get it, it just showed up, like liquid manna from heaven.  A routine develops; drink, fish, piss, oh look more beer, bring it inside before it freezes, repeat. 

The ice fisherman got to stay on the lake.  Maybe the extra time fishing helped him catch more fish, maybe not.  It doesn't matter.  That time drinking ice fishing saved his life and probably his marriage.  Sure his wife knows he didn't go to Duluth.  She doesn't ask why he has a $1,400 delivery charge from Bob's Bait and Booze on his credit card.  He doesn't ask why her credit card has 112 visits to the Cinnabun in the Mall of America, or why the kids spent the week at her mothers.  It's Minnesota.  It's winter and people cope as best they can.

Damn you FAA!  What do you have against traditional Midwestern marriage?

There is nothing like a week spent too drunk to fish, passed out on the ice breathing stale cigars and baked been farts, to make a man go back to his flannel clad wife who hasn't shaved her legs or pits since August and feel like getting frisky.

Punny Riddles

What happens when it rains cats and dogs?

You have to been careful not to step in a poodle.

Why did the butcher make his sausages with meat at one end and corn meal at the other?
Because in hard economic times, it's difficult to make both ends meat.

Where do lawyers live?

In legal pads.

How do you make a skeleton laugh?

By tickling his funny bone.

When should baseball players wear armor?

When they play knight games.

What do clowns get paid?

Funny money.

What do dentists like most about amusement parks?
Molar coasters.

Why did the robber take a bath?

To make a clean get away!

Good Idea, Not!

Sometimes we all need a little "mood booster".  Who doesn't like a little shot in the arm?  We all do it.  Sometimes you get yourself a little "treat".  Maybe you go out to a favorite restaurant, or buy yourself a little gift. 

In the workplace a good boss will give his employees mood boosters from time to time.  A boss will recognize when his people are going above and beyond.  Burning the candle at both ends can lead to burnout.  Mood boosters can help the staff refocus and reenergize.  People who do a good job deserve a pat on the back and maybe a little extra pay in the pocket.

Embattled IRS plans employee bonuses for 2013 work to ‘boost morale’

Citing the need to boost employee morale, the Internal Revenue Service’s new commissioner said Monday that he will pay out millions of dollars in bonuses to agency employees, reversing a decision his predecessor made to save money amid the sequester budget cuts and other belt-tightening last year.

The agency remains under fire for targeting tea party groups, but Commissioner John Koskinen said the bonuses are needed to retain and attract good employees in a time of cutbacks.

The IRS needs to boost employee moral and increase employee retention?  WTF! How about boosting America's morale and firing the IRS?  We are in the worst depression in American history.  You can't buy a job that will produce the same standard of living that Americans enjoyed 40 years ago.  Explain to me how a government agency that pays above average wages, benefits and retirement needs to give out millions of dollars in bonuses to keep their staff when over 30% of America is un or under employed.

Here is a real American mood booster.  First we nullify every federal law passed after 1900.  Every elected person in DC gets a free lifetime stay in Gitmo.  That's were we send the other people who work to destroy America.  Then we line up every person on the Federal payroll and have them count off.  Every tenth person keeps his job.  The rest get to compete in the marketplace like the rest of us.  With the money we save, we will be able to buy John Koskinen a clue.

One More Football Post

For weeks the players plotted behind the coach's back.  They made a decision.  They devised a plan to get as close to a touchdown as they could without actually scoring.  Not scoring.  Under no circumstances was the ball carrier to score.  None.  Even if it meant taking a dive on the one yard line.  No one was going to cross the goal line.  No one.  For no reason.  The stakes were too high and the team had a plan.

Strange strategy for a football team.  Did the QB owe some gambling debts he couldn't pay?  What sordid reason did they have for doing something that could easily cost them the game?



Yeah the kids are all right.  More than all right, you just watched the best play in the entire sport of football for the 2013 season.  May God bless those boys for it and may more teams implement it, especially if it does cost them the game.

Top 10 Reasons Bronco's Need Tebow

#10.  Payton Manning $96 Million for 5 years.  Tim Tebow $33 Million for five years. 

#9.  43-8 Seahawks

#8.

#7.  Apparently someone needs to play quarter back.

#6.  They say Tebow can't throw, which means he can't throw the game.

#5.  Clearly Tebow had the best Super Bowl performance of anyone in the NFL .

#4.  Tim being on the roster would have at least made the big game interesting.

#3.  Payton Manning didn't win a Super Bowl for the Bronco's either.

#2. The "Pocket Pass" isn't everything, sometimes it's nothing.

#1.  When Tebow plays, America prays and Denver can't afford to turn down the help.

A Solution

I have a solution.  I know, sometimes I gripe with no constructive suggestions.  It's not that I don't have constructive suggestions.  I'm enough of a realist to know that it ain't gonna happen.  So I keep it to myself.

Our country has mixed feelings about legalizing recreational drugs.  On one hand it shouldn't be any bodies business what you do at home.  On the other hand drugs are bad for you and sometimes even deadly.  Some people want them, in the name of harmless fun.  Some people want them banned in the name of protecting people from themselves.  Seems like a total impasse. It's not, there is a solution.

Frist we make all drugs legal everyplace for anyone over 21 years old.  Now hear me out.  This gets rid of the #1 reason for police abusing our civil rights, the war on some drugs. The #2 reason, small penis, big chip on shoulder, will still be a problem.  We will have to deal with that latter.  The drugs will be absolutely legal.  The cops won't have anything to say about it and no law to selectively enforce.

However, you have to buy the drugs from a government run exchange.  Think of it like a state run liquor store.  We put the same people in charge of the drug exchange that are in charge of Obamacare.  End of problem.  Drugs are legal and nobody will be able to get them.  A true win-win.

I await my Noble Prize.