This Week in News

Blotter:

A Mercer Island police officer accidentally shot himself in the buttocks while on duty Thursday.
 

 Lets hope this is the beginning of a nation wide trend in police shootings.

Police: 2 men beaten with toilet plunger in Flint
 

When plungers are outlawed only the outlaws will have plungers.

Man kills BIG spider with brass knuckles.

 

 My wife loved the video.

 

Making Nate's Day

‘BIGFOOT’ DNA SEQUENCED IN UPCOMING GENETICS STUDY

Five-Year
Genome Study Yields Evidence of Homo sapiens/Unknown Hominin Hybrid Species in
North America

 

File this under will wonders never cease.  What will happen next, proof that NASA faked the moon landings?

 

 

Lab Lawyers

At a convention of biological scientists, one prominant researcher remarked to another, "Did you know that in our lab we have switched from mice to lawyers for our experiments?"

 

"Really?" the other researcher replied. "Why did you switch?"

"Well, for three reasons. First, we found that lawyers are far more plentiful. Second, the lab assistants don't get so attached to them. And third, there are some things even a rat won't do."

Fiscal Cliff

There is a lot of talk about the tax increase that is coming.  Most everybody that drops by here knows my politics to some degree, so I won't go into a long and mostly pointless rant. There is however an on line tax calculator that I think is worth you checking out.  Granted it only gives a rough estimate for what your new Obummer tax burden is going to be, but I think its worth taking a look at so you can adjust your family budget accordingly.

Post Fiscal Cliff Tax Calculator

A Good Day to Stay Home

Man Pulls Gun on Rowdy, Line-Cutting Black Friday Shopper

But he had been punched by the guy, so OK, maybe I'll buy it.

Shots Fired Outside Tallahassee Wal-Mart

I'm not sure this is news, I mean its still deer season in TN.

Back Friday door buster at Victoria Secrets.

Ok, this might have been fun to watch.

Teen Robbed coming out of Bed Bath and Beyond.

Seriously? 

Extreme couponer claims attack by store manager.

To be fair the sign does say 20 items or less.

Man takes home TV, leaves kid during Black Friday shopping

Duh, sounds like a no brainer to me.

Sex Toy Sales Up In Canada Due To NHL Lockout

Ohhhhh, Canada!


I stayed home today, well at least until its time to go to work.  I see no reason to shop most of the time anyway.  Thankfully there are only two real malls in the state and I don't live in those towns.  Although I do have to admit, there were A LOT of good gun deals advertised in the ads this week.

Unintended Consequences

Surprise-PA-College-Slashes-Hours-To-Avoid-Obamacare

Pennsylvania'sCommunity College of Allegheny County (CCAC) is slashing the hours of 400adjunct instructors, support staff, and part-time instructors to dodge payingfor Obamacare.    

"It's kind of a double whammy for us because we are facing a legal requirement [under the new law] to get health care and if the college is reducing our hours, we don't have the money to pay for it," said adjunct biology professor Adam Davis.

Weren’t teachers, union workers and the intelligentsia, the biggest backers of Obummer (lack of) Care?  Didn’t the egghead types proclaim that Obummer (lack of) Care would only do good things and that no one would lose their jobs or have their pay cut because of the new regulations?

Thanksgiving Thorns

Sandra felt as low as the heels of her Birkenstocks when she pulled open the florist shop door, against a November gust of wind.

Her life had been as sweet as a spring breeze and then in the fourth month of her second pregnancy, a "minor" automobile accident stole her joy. This was Thanksgiving week and the time she should have delivered their infant son. She grieved over their loss. Troubles had multiplied. Her husband's company "threatened" to transfer his job to a new location. Her sister had called to say that she could not come for her long awaited holiday visit. THEN! Sandra's friend suggested that Sandra's grief was a God-given path to maturity that would allow her to empathize with others who suffer.

"She has no idea what I'm feeling," thought Sandra with a shudder.

"Thanksgiving? Thankful for what?" she wondered. "For a careless driver whose truck was hardly scratched when he rear-ended her? For an airbag that saved her life, but took her child's?"

"Good afternoon, can I help you?" Sandra was startled by the approach of the shop clerk.

"I....I need an arrangement," stammered Sandra.

"For Thanksgiving? Do you want the beautiful but ordinary, or would you like to challenge the day with a customer favorite I call the 'Thanksgiving Special'? I'm convinced that flowers tell stories," she continued. "Are you looking for something that conveys 'gratitude' this Thanksgiving?"

"Not exactly!" Sandra blurted out. "In the last five months, everything that could go wrong has gone wrong."

Sandra regretted her outburst, and was surprised when the clerk said, "I have the perfect arrangement for you."

Then the bell on the door rang, and the clerk greeted the new customer, "Hi, Barbara...let me get your order."

She excused herself and walked back to a small workroom, then quickly reappeared, carrying an arrangement of greenery, bows, and what appeared to be long-stemmed thorny roses. Except the ends of the rose stems were neatly snipped: there were no flowers.

"Do you want these in a box?" asked the clerk.

Sandra watched for the customer's response. Was this a joke? Who would want rose stems with no flowers?

She waited for laughter, but neither woman laughed.

"Yes, please," Barbara replied with an appreciative smile. "You'd think after three years of getting the special, I wouldn't be so moved by its significance, but I can feel it right here, all over again." She said, as she gently tapped her chest.

Sandra stammered, "Ahh, that lady just left with, uh....she left with no flowers!"

"That's right, said the clerk. "I cut off the flowers. That's the 'Special'. I call it the Thanksgiving Thorns Bouquet."

"Oh, come on! You can't tell me someone is willing to pay for that!" exclaimed Sandra.

"Barbara came into the shop three years ago, feeling much as you do, today," explained the clerk. "She thought she had very ittle to be thankful for. She had just lost her father to cancer; the family business was failing; her son had gotten into drugs; and she was facing major surgery."

"That same year I had lost my husband," continued the clerk. "For the first time in my life, I had to spend the holidays alone. I had no children, no husband, no family nearby, and too much debt to allow any travel."

"So what did you do?" asked Sandra.

"I learned to be thankful for thorns," answered the clerk quietly. "I've always thanked God for the good things in my life and I NEVER questioned Him why those GOOD things happened to me, but when the bad stuff hit, I cried out, "WHY? WHY Me?!" It took time for me to learn that the dark times are important to our faith! I have always enjoyed the 'flowers' of my life but it took the thorns to show me the beauty of God's comfort! You know, the Bible says that God comforts us when we'r afflicted and from His consolation we learn to comfort others."

Sandra sucked in her breath, as she thought about the thought that her friend had tried to tell her. "I guess the truth is, I don't want comfort. I've lost a baby and I'm angry with God."

Just then someone else walked in the shop. "Hey, Phil!" the clerk greeted the balding, rotund man. "My wife sent me in to get our usual Thanksgiving arrangement...twelve thorny, long-stemmed stems!" laughed Phil as the clerk handed him a tissue wrapped arrangement from the refrigerator.

"Those are for your wife?" asked Sandra incredulously.

"Do you mind telling me why she wants a bouquet that looks like that?"

"No...I'm glad you asked," Phil replied. "Four years ago, my wife and I nearly divorced. After forty years, we were in a real mess, but with the Lord's grace and guidance, we trudged through problem after problem. The Lord rescued our marriage. Jenny, here (the clerk) told me she kept a vase of rose stems to remind her of what she had learned from "thorny" times. That was good enough for me. I took home some of those stems. My wife and I decided to label each one for a specific "problem" and give thanks for what that problem taught us.

As Phil paid the clerk, he said to Sandra, "I highly recommend the Special!"

"I don't know if I can be thankful for the thorns in my life." Sandra said to the clerk. "It's all too...fresh."

"Well," the clerk replied carefully, "my experience has shown me that the thorns make the roses more precious.

We treasure God's providential care more during trouble than at any other time. Remember, it was a crown of thorns that Jesus wore so we might know His love. Don't resent the thorns."

Tears rolled down Sandra's cheeks. For the first time since the accident, she loosened her grip on her resentment.

"I'll take those twelve long-stemmed thorns, please," she managed to choke out.

"I hoped you would," said the clerk gently. "I'll have them ready in a minute."

"Thank you. What do I owe you?"

"Nothing. Nothing but a promise to allow God to heal your heart. The first year's arrangement is always on me." The clerk smiled and handed a card to Sandra. "I'll attach this card to your arrangement, but maybe you would like to read it first."

It read:

My God, I have never thanked You for my thorns. I have thanked You a thousand times for my roses, but never once for my thorns. Teach me the glory of the cross I bear; teach me the value of my thorns. Show me that I have climbed closer to You along the path of pain. Show me that, through my tears, the colors of Your rainbow look much more brilliant."
Praise Him for the roses, thank Him for the thorns.

-Stolen from Pastor Tim's Sermon Illustrations.

Happy Thanksgiving to you my friends.  May you be short on thorns and long on blessings and filled with thanksgiving for both.

Swiss Yodeling

Never Block a Swiss Yodeling Line: You’ll delay he who is next.

Yo-u’ll de-lay he who

This Can't be Good

I wonder how long it will be before we get a mention on Leno.  I bet it still takes a long time to download.

Microsoft plans to build the first data center that is completely off the grid, recycling "common waste" to sustainably power cloud services, the company announced Monday.

The Redmond-based tech giant is spending about $5.5 million in research development on the pilot plant, which will be at the Dry Creek Water Reclamation Facility in Cheyenne, Wyo.

I bet the economic development guys are really patting themselves on the back over this development.  Ya know guys, Wyoming produces over 40% of the nations coal, we've got the countries newest and cleanest coal fired power plant.  We have lots of natural gas and uranium. We are one of the few energy independent states in the nation.  Apparently we crap more energy than everyone else too.  To be fair Cheyenne is the state capital and most of our bureaucrats are there, so they probably have more than enough useless turds floating around to power anything you want.

Poop Power. Power to the Pooper.  Power from the Pooper.  I can see the headlines now. Leave your suggestion in the comments.

Viva Quebec Libre

I like Canada.  The people are nice and the fishing is good.  The beer is over priced, but you can't have everything.  You can get a good Cuban too, so I guess it all works out.

There is only one Provence of Canada that has slightly snippy people, although the fishing is still good and there are lots of caribou to hunt.  This Provence thinks it's just a little better than the rest of the country, because they're French.

I think the picture says it all.  The article title is still pretty good too: Bureaucratic bungling leaves hydro pole planted smack in the middle of a Quebec highway. 

Best Explanation

Michael Ackley hits the nail on the head.

“My God!” Petraeus says. “This includes some very private emails. Where did you get these?”

Bashford says, “I got them from the FBI.”

Petraeus is incredulous. “The FBI?” he says. “Why in the world would the FBI …? How …?”

“Once you send an email, people with the right skillset can find them and look at them,” says Bashford grimly.

“You’re kidding!” says Petraeus. “I didn’t know that.”

“Well, we just assumed you would know it,” says the DCS. “After all, you are our ‘head spook,’ as George H.W. Bush used to say. Anyway, the FBI first thought it was all a bad joke.”

“A joke? How could this be funny?” asks the DCI.

“Paula Broadwell!“ says Bashford, emphasizing the surname. “Investigators thought it was a sort of James Bond joke name, like Pussy Galore or Dr. Holly Goodhead.
 

Is it satire or does Ackley have a bug at CIA headquarters?

Potty Party

Today, November 19 is World Toilet Day.

Celebrate with someone you love.

Hang Up Already!

A 20-year-old woman who crashed on the Athens Perimeter Wednesday night was still on the phone as she was upside down in her wrecked car, Athens-Clarke police said. 

She told officers that she was talking on her cellphone, and “the next thing she knew her car was flipping,” according to police

 She has blond highlights in her hair, does that make her fair game for a blond joke?

Ward 10, Precinct 3B, No Votes for Obama

This just in, NO ONE in Ward 10, Precinct 3B voted for Obama. "This is a total shock" according to Nancy Pelosi. Considering that Minneapolis is known as the Stalingrad of the Midwest, having a voting precinct that didn't have even one vote for B.O. is a total shock.

DNC get out the vote activities promise that next election they'll have better than 90% voter participation. The Black Panthers promise to make sure that they end "voter disenfranchisement" and help all the people of color in Ward 10 vote next time. Sources close to the story report that the Reverends Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton were planning a protest march since no votes were counted for Obama; however one of their staff pointed out that: 1 the district in question is in Minneapolis and 2. It's winter in Minnesota and 3. It too damn cold to protest there this time of year.

They also pointed out that the, Minneapolis voting precinct is located entirely in a lake.  That last point is regarded by DNC party insiders as "quitter talk". 

In other news; Cook county Illinois, county commissioners have placed annexing the Minnesota lake on next months meeting agenda.

More Efficient Than FEMA

Marijuana Dealer Donates Proceeds To Hurricane Sandy Victims

He's no Pablo Escobar, but the dealer claims he did make $1,400 in those two days, amounting to $700 that will go toward hot meals, diapers, formula, clean water and other supplies that people on the Rockaway Peninsula still desperately need. HuffPost crime confirmed that he bought 50 wool blankets that will likely go to residents who are still without power.

Private enterprise doing more, better and in spite of the government.

A Day Late

A rabbi and his two friends, a priest and a minister, played poker for small stakes once a week. The only problem was that they lived in a very conservative blue-law town. One night, the sheriff raided their game and took all three before the local judge.

After listening to the sheriff's story, the judge sternly inquired of the priest, "Were you gambling, Father?"

The priest looked toward heaven, whispered, "Oh, Lord, forgive me," and then said aloud, "No, your honor, I was not gambling."

"Were you gambling, Reverend?" the judge asked the minister.

The minister repeated the priest's actions and replied, "No, your honor, I was not gambling."

Turning to the third clergyman, the judge asked, "Were you gambling, Rabbi?"
The rabbi eyed him coolly and replied, "With whom?"

Killing the Host

The first rule of being a parasite is don't kill the host.  Apparently the union boss at the Hostess plants never learned this rule.

Hostess Brands CEO said Wednesday the company will liquidate unless striking workers return to the job by the end of the day on Thursday.

"We simply do not have the financial resources to survive an ongoing national strike," Gregory Rayburn said in a statement.

 

 I'm sure the workers are in a bad jam.  I mean that in all sincerity.  The only way to get out of that jam is by pulling it together with management and working it out.  The other solution is to get nothing.  Which is what it looks like they are going to do.

Götterdämmerung

I hate to think that I may be fickle.  After all I truly believe that Mitt may very well have been worse for America than Obummer.  After all, there isn't a single issue that he differed from Obama on.  Except of course work ethic and leadership.  Under Mitt we would have had a far left nut job that would have showed up to work every day and tried to get something done.  Obama still has some nice golf courses that he hasn't tried and there may be one or two exotic locations his family hasn't taken a vacation to, on the taxpayers dime, yet.   Those two facts may be our only hope for slowing the fall from the cliff.  We already know that the republican majority in congress is going to roll over and play dead, just like they have for the last four years.  As to my fickleness, if that's even a word, I hoped deep down that my fellow countrymen wouldn't be fooled again and they'd have the good sense to vote Obummer out. 

I've been casting about for a word that perfectly describes America's current situation.  I think I found it: götterdämmerung.  Of course degringolade was in the running too but while it has the benefit of being literally true it lacks the onomatopoeic quality that properly enshrines götterdämmerung as the best descriptor of our times.   So there you have it my loyal readers, my contribution to our place in history is the identifying the epitaph at the top of the page in the history books:  Barack Husain Obama's Second Term as President, America's Götterdämmerung.

Hell Meet Handbasket

I guess the title says it all.

Decades of letting in illegals combined with half of America on the dole, either as recipients of direct handouts or as bureaucrats or as "contractors" has finally paid off for liberalism.  America is dead.  All that's left is the looting.

Vote Early, Vote Often

Joan Stevens was one of several early voters at the polls on Monday. But when Stevens tried to cast her ballot for president, she noticed a problem.

Upon selecting “Mitt Romney” on the electronic touch screen, Barack Obama’s name lit up.

It took Stevens three tries before her selection was accurately recorded.

I suspect we will be seeing more of this sort of thing with this election.

Nose Candy

Well it had to happen sooner or latter.

Clinical trials will be undertaken in Australia to test the world's first female "Viagra", which experts say could boost the sex drive of one in three women.

The product, Tefina, is a testosterone gel that researchers say could boost female sexual arousal and satisfaction.

The gel is sprayed up the nose, where the testosterone is absorbed within minutes and the effects could be felt within hours.
 

I don't know what this is going to do to game theory.  I see massive social issues coming as a result of this product, if it works.  "Honest your honor, I didn't want to have sex with him, he spiked my nasanex with Tefina.  It was rape I tell you".

I think its only fair women should have a spray that turns them on.  It's long been known that certain foods are aphrodisiacs and certain foods limit a women's desire to have sex.  There is a food that causes women to stop having sex, wedding cake.  So why not a little something to start it back up again.  I see a passive spray as a positive thing overall.  Here is the link to get the women in your life into the trail.