December 9: We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering every inch of the landscape. What a fantastic sight! Can there be a more lovely place in the whole world? Moving here was the best idea I’ve ever had. I shoveled snow for the first time in years and felt like a boy again. I did both our driveway and the sidewalks. This afternoon the snowplow came along and covered up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got to shovel again! What a perfect life.
December 12: The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a disappointment. My neighbor tells me not to worry, we’ll definitely have a white Christmas. No snow on Christmas would be awful! Bob says we’ll have so much snow by the end of winter, that I’ll never want to see snow again. I don’t think that’s possible. Bob is such a nice man – I’m glad he’s our neighbor.
December 14: Snow, lovely snow! Eight inches last night. The temperature dropped to 20 below. The cold makes everything sparkle so. The wind took my breath away, but I warmed up by shoveling the driveway and sidewalks. This is the life! The snowplow came back this afternoon and buried everything again. I didn’t realize I would have to do quite this much shoveling, but I’ll certainly get back in shape this way. I wish I wouldn’t huff and puff so.
December 15: 20 inches forecast. Sold my van and bought a Blazer. Bought snow tires for the wife’s car and two extra shovels. Stocked the freezer. The wife wants a wood stove in case the electricity goes out. I think that’s silly. We aren’t in Alaska, after all.
December 16: Ice storm this morning. Fell on my butt on the ice in the driveway putting down salt. Hurt like crazy. The wife laughed for an hour, which I think was very cruel.
December 17: Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to go anywhere. Electricity was off for five hours. I had to pile the blankets on to stay warm. Nothing to do but stare at the wife and try not to irritate her. Guess I should’ve bought a wood stove, but won’t admit it to her. I hate it when she’s right. I can’t believe I’m freezing to death in my own living room.
December 20: Electricity’s back on, but had another 14 inches of stupid snow last night. More shoveling. Took all day. That stupid snowplow came by twice. Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel, but they said they’re too busy playing hockey. I think they’re lying. Called the only hardware store around to see about buying a snow blower and they’re out. Might have another shipment in March. I think they’re lying. Bob says I have to shovel or the city will have it done and bill me. I think he’s lying.
December 22: Bob was right about a white Christmas because 13 more inches of the white stuff fell today, and it’s so cold it probably won’t melt until August. Took me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out to shovel and then I had to use the restroom. By the time I got undressed, went and dressed again, I was too tired to shovel. Tried to hire Bob who has a plow on his truck for the rest of the winter; but he says he’s too busy. What an awful neighbor!
December 23: Only two inches of snow today. And it warmed up to zero degrees. The wife wanted me to decorate the front of the house this morning. What is she, nuts? Why didn’t she tell me to do that a month ago? She says she did, but I think she’s lying.
December 24: Six inches today. Snow packed so hard by snowplow, l broke the shovel. Thought I was having a heart attack. If I ever catch the jerk who drives that snowplow, I’ll drag him through the snow by his hair. I know he hides around the corner and waits for me to finish shoveling and then he comes down the street at about 100-miles-an hour and throws snow all over where I’ve just been! Tonight the wife wanted me to sing Christmas carols with her and open our presents, but I was busy watching for that stupid snowplow.
December 25: Merry Christmas. 20 more inches of slop tonight. Snowed in. The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil. I hate the snow! Then the snowplow driver came by asking for a donation and I hit him over the head with my shovel. The wife says I have a bad attitude. I think she’s an idiot. If I have to watch “It’s a Wonderful Life” one more time, I’m going to scream.
January 2: Still snowed in. Why the did I ever move here?
January 7: Temperature dropped to 30 below and the pipes froze.
January 8: Warmed up to above 30 degrees. Still snowed in. My wife is driving me crazy!
January 13: 10 more inches. Bob says I have to shovel the roof or it could cave in. That’s the silliest thing I ever heard. How dumb does he think I am?
January 17: Roof caved in. The snow plow driver is suing me for a million dollars. The wife went home to her mother. 9 inches predicted.
January 20: Set fire to what’s left of the house. No more shoveling.
January 22: I feel so good. I just love those little white pills they keep giving me. Why am I tied to the bed?
December 12: The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a disappointment. My neighbor tells me not to worry, we’ll definitely have a white Christmas. No snow on Christmas would be awful! Bob says we’ll have so much snow by the end of winter, that I’ll never want to see snow again. I don’t think that’s possible. Bob is such a nice man – I’m glad he’s our neighbor.
December 14: Snow, lovely snow! Eight inches last night. The temperature dropped to 20 below. The cold makes everything sparkle so. The wind took my breath away, but I warmed up by shoveling the driveway and sidewalks. This is the life! The snowplow came back this afternoon and buried everything again. I didn’t realize I would have to do quite this much shoveling, but I’ll certainly get back in shape this way. I wish I wouldn’t huff and puff so.
December 15: 20 inches forecast. Sold my van and bought a Blazer. Bought snow tires for the wife’s car and two extra shovels. Stocked the freezer. The wife wants a wood stove in case the electricity goes out. I think that’s silly. We aren’t in Alaska, after all.
December 16: Ice storm this morning. Fell on my butt on the ice in the driveway putting down salt. Hurt like crazy. The wife laughed for an hour, which I think was very cruel.
December 17: Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to go anywhere. Electricity was off for five hours. I had to pile the blankets on to stay warm. Nothing to do but stare at the wife and try not to irritate her. Guess I should’ve bought a wood stove, but won’t admit it to her. I hate it when she’s right. I can’t believe I’m freezing to death in my own living room.
December 20: Electricity’s back on, but had another 14 inches of stupid snow last night. More shoveling. Took all day. That stupid snowplow came by twice. Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel, but they said they’re too busy playing hockey. I think they’re lying. Called the only hardware store around to see about buying a snow blower and they’re out. Might have another shipment in March. I think they’re lying. Bob says I have to shovel or the city will have it done and bill me. I think he’s lying.
December 22: Bob was right about a white Christmas because 13 more inches of the white stuff fell today, and it’s so cold it probably won’t melt until August. Took me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out to shovel and then I had to use the restroom. By the time I got undressed, went and dressed again, I was too tired to shovel. Tried to hire Bob who has a plow on his truck for the rest of the winter; but he says he’s too busy. What an awful neighbor!
December 23: Only two inches of snow today. And it warmed up to zero degrees. The wife wanted me to decorate the front of the house this morning. What is she, nuts? Why didn’t she tell me to do that a month ago? She says she did, but I think she’s lying.
December 24: Six inches today. Snow packed so hard by snowplow, l broke the shovel. Thought I was having a heart attack. If I ever catch the jerk who drives that snowplow, I’ll drag him through the snow by his hair. I know he hides around the corner and waits for me to finish shoveling and then he comes down the street at about 100-miles-an hour and throws snow all over where I’ve just been! Tonight the wife wanted me to sing Christmas carols with her and open our presents, but I was busy watching for that stupid snowplow.
December 25: Merry Christmas. 20 more inches of slop tonight. Snowed in. The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil. I hate the snow! Then the snowplow driver came by asking for a donation and I hit him over the head with my shovel. The wife says I have a bad attitude. I think she’s an idiot. If I have to watch “It’s a Wonderful Life” one more time, I’m going to scream.
January 2: Still snowed in. Why the did I ever move here?
January 7: Temperature dropped to 30 below and the pipes froze.
January 8: Warmed up to above 30 degrees. Still snowed in. My wife is driving me crazy!
January 13: 10 more inches. Bob says I have to shovel the roof or it could cave in. That’s the silliest thing I ever heard. How dumb does he think I am?
January 17: Roof caved in. The snow plow driver is suing me for a million dollars. The wife went home to her mother. 9 inches predicted.
January 20: Set fire to what’s left of the house. No more shoveling.
January 22: I feel so good. I just love those little white pills they keep giving me. Why am I tied to the bed?
I like this story, I can relate to this story. I live in the "mountains" of western Maryland, they're not like real western mountains at all, but they're what we've got. There are two ski resorts within an hour of my house, even though we usually only get a few feet of snow per year (the resorts make their own snow). Our elevation is about 2,000 feet, and the mountains are fairly gently sloped, so it does make for easy skiing, and snow tubing and snow-boarding are both hugely popular on these kinds of slopes. So. Snow removal, while definitely a thing, is not really a big thing.
ReplyDeleteWhen we moved out of the city back in 1997, I got a lawn tractor (I have three acres) and I was more worried about it's ability to deal with snow than with grass, and the sales guy totally understood. Anyone who's lived here for a while knows that every now and then we get actual snow. My wife thought I was nuts spending $6k on a tractor with such a small yard to mow, but I wanted something heavy, with chains, that I can put weight on, and that can push a real plow and has an optional snow-blower. So my wife got to talking to our neighbor's wife about his tractor. Turns out he spent $25k on his tractor, because he wanted something to move snow. His wife thought that was maybe a little overkill, but she really didn't want to get snowed in again (back in 1993 and again in 1995 we had two feet of snow in one day, then in 1996 we had over four feet of snow in January, there was a decent storm every week). We then had a decade off, and everyone except us old guys forgot that sometimes, every now and then, we get actual snow. So, everyone else has little Murry lawnmowers, and maybe a walk-behind blower for those "big" eight-inch snow-storms. So, in 2009, we got over eight feet of snow in two months. One storm was over three feet in two days. Your story above, that was half our friends.
-Bill
It's funny when its not you.
DeleteEvery once in a while a gas 3/4 or 1 ton truck with a v-10 engine 4x4 comes up for sale . They're generally fairly cheep and low on miles since they get about 6-8mpg. I keep toying with the idea of buying one and sticking a 64 inch hydraulic blade on the front and chaining up all four tires.
Because like you we don't get hammered all the time, but every once in a while we do.
I looked at buying a light-weight plow for my F-150, and found they were really not that expensive. I could pay it off in savings from hiring the commercial plow company we currently use for the salon in about 6-7 years, depending on how heavy the snowfall was over that period.
DeleteUnfortunately, that would also mean getting up at 5 am to clear the lot before people started arriving, and I just don't have that kind of ambition.
Maybe when I retire....
Alaska might get lots of snow, but according to my sil it is what she calls "dry snow" and not the gloppy stuff we get down here. Probably all to do with humidity levels.
ReplyDeleteI will admit, I would have been right there with the wife, staring at hubby for not buying the woodstove. At least with a woodstove, or even pellet, she could have done some kind of basic cooking so he could eat hot food.
Great story for a Wednesday.
Growing up in MN I remember neighbors coming over to buy food out of our pantry because no one could make it to town for a week.
ReplyDeleteNow that I live further south I still have the habits of laying up a couple years of wood for the stove and having backup power. Must mean that winter was the original prepping motivation.