BJW - Afterlife

Mom, God's so neat, and heaven's supposed to be so great. Could me and Michael go there Saturday for a sleep-over?

---

Our seven-year-old daughter, Clarisa, was not really excited about going to Sunday school, but her little friend talked her into it. After the first class, at lunch, she said, "I like my teacher, and she said if I come to Sunday school every Sunday, she'll show me how I can get a free trip to heaven."

---

My three-year-old granddaughter, Morgan, came over one day and looked around the room and asked, "Where's Grandpa?"
   I answered, "He's in heaven."
   Surprised, she looked at me and said, "Still?"

---

I know what heaven is like because I was there. God makes people when He thinks of them, and then they wait to be born.

---

Our six-year-old, Rachel, prayed, "God, they keep telling us You love us kids. But I'm wondering: if You know my older brother, do You think he'll ever get to heaven?"

---

Grandma's gone to heaven, and she'll be happy there because there's a Dairy Queen everywhere. Right?

---

When Jenny was four, she asked, "Does heaven have a floor?"
   Surprised, I said, "Well, Jenny, what do you think heaven is like?"
   She looked up at the sky and clouds and replied, "Well, I can't see any floor, so I guess people are just up there on coat hangers!"

---

I told nine-year-old Heather that someday we would have glorified bodies.
   She asked, "Do you think we'll look like Barbie?"

---

One day my five-year-old grandson, Brett, who frequently went fishing with his dad, told his mother,
   "If Grandma's going to heaven with us, God had better have a pretty big fishing rod to haul her in!"

Three people were trying to get into heaven.

Peter asked the first, "Who's there?"

"It's me, Albert Jones," the voice replied. St.  Peter let him in.

Then St. Peter asked the second one the second same question, "Who's there?"

"It's me, Charlie Jones." And St. Peter let him in.

Finally he turns to the third, asking the same question, "Who's there?"

"It is I, Verla Chapman," answered the third.

"Oh, great," muttered St. Peter.  "Another one of those English teachers."


Baptist Dog

A strong Baptist family decided to buy a home and make everything in the house Baptist. They were going to make it look and feel Baptist through and through. So when they were finished they went to a pet shop to look for a Baptist dog.

They asked the owner, "Do you have a Baptist dog?"

Surprised, the pet shop owner thought about it for a while and then nodded, saying, "Yes...  yes, I think we have a dog that will fit your description."

So the owner brought out the dog to the family, and the father said, "Let's see if this is a real Baptist dog." So the father said to the dog, "Go get a Bible."

And the dog ran over to a table, grabbed a Bible in its mouth, ran back to the man and plopped the book at his feet.

Impressed, the father continued, "Let's see if this dog knows its books of the Bible...  Turn to Psalm 23".

The dog then opened the Bible with its snout and pawed through the pages to Psalm 23.
Very pleased, the father bought the dog and brought it home.  The next day, the family had visitors.  They showed their friends the Baptist dog and the things it could do.

Finally, the friends asked, "Well, can it do any other tricks that normal dogs do?"

The Baptist father wondered and said, "Hmm, I don't know.  I've never tried." He then ordered the dog, "Heel."

Suddenly the dog leaped onto the father's lap and placed its paw on the man's head and started to pray.

"Wait a minute!" exclaimed the Baptist mother, "This dog isn't Baptist!  It's Pentecostal!"