Oneliners

Part of being sane, is being a little bit crazy.

Life is like a camel: you can make it do anything except back up.

She was only a whisky maker, but he loved her still.

I know it's just a diet, but my body thinks it's famine.

Punctual people have nothing better to do.

It's too bad that stupidity isn't painful.

The best way to make a long story short is to stop listening.

I had plastic surgery last week. My wife cut up my credit cards.

This house is protected by killer dust bunnies.

The president says we should pay lower taxes but if we take his advice, the IRS will put us in jail.

Times sure have changed. Yesterday a bum asked me if I could spare $3.50 for a double cappuccino with no foam.

Politicians and diapers... Both need to be changed for the same reason!