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"If people really did have several pounds of "impacted" poop up their butts,….”

-Astrosmith

They would live in Minnesota, vote democrat and elect America’s first Muslim to congress. Then they can feel all warm and fuzzy about Keith Ellison refusing to take the oath of office on the Bible, and how we’re such a great multicultural nation, because we include people who belong to a religion made up by a murderous pedophile in congress.

Supposedly the civil war settled the issue of states succeeding from the Union. Is there a ruling on what states we can throw out? Minnesota has proved that its electorate is even less capable of casting votes then Florida. In Florida they had the excuse that old people get dementia, senility and Democrat voters probably went to public school. What's Minnesota's excuse, they hate America's Christian heritage and have embraced their inner Garrison Keller?

I don’t think the Bible imparts any special “holy” or “godly” quality to the ceremony or to those empowered because of it. Judging the quality of the character of those in public office I’d expect them to bust into flames just touching the Bible. I can only pray God would be so generous in blessing America that way.

If You Can’t be a Star…

The wife likes watching the CMA awards each year. Most years they interfere with something I’d rather be watching so she tapes them and watches latter.

Last night she wanted to watch them and I sat through part of it with her. What amazed me wasn’t the stars, the songs, the stage show or Faith Hill’s little fit. I was impressed with a man that was inducted into the hall of fame.

I had never heard of him. I doubt many country music fans every have. Sure you may have seen his name before if you were reading through an album cover. Even if you had read it I doubt you would have remembered him.

Harold Bradley had a career as a performer and studio musician that lasted over sixty years. He is without a doubt the most recorded guitar player in history. His resume of songs, reads like a who’s who of country music, covering the last half century.

Yet few outside of the Nashville music scene have heard of him. Bradley is a minority in the entertainment business. He’s a vary talented musician, who’s achieved a rare level of accomplishment. No doubt he’s made good money at it. In an industry where fame is the goal, he traded off fame for professional and personal accomplishment.

I bet he got to go home most nights, see his kids, kiss the wife and pet the dog. He’s quite the contrast to other performers in music today that sacrifice family, friends and values in order to get fame at any cost.

Then again, maybe he is the real star.

Wise Turkey

When I was a young turkey, new to the coop,
My big brother Mike took me out on the stoop,

Then he sat me down, and he spoke real slow,
And he told me there was something that I had to know.

His look and his tone I will always remember,
When he told me of the horrors of Black November:

"Come about August, now listen to me,
Each day you'll get six meals instead of just three,

"And soon you'll be thick, where once you were thin,
And you'll grow a big rubbery thing under your chin.

"And then one morning, when you're warm in your bed,
In'll burst the farmer's wife, and hack off your head.

"Then she'll pluck out all your feathers so you're bald 'n pink,
And scoop out all your insides and leave ya lyin' in the sink;

"And then comes the worst part," he said, not bluffing,
"She'll spread your cheeks and pack your rear with stuffing."

Well, the rest of his words were too grim to repeat,
I sat on the stoop like a winged piece of meat,

And decided on the spot that to avoid being cooked,
I'd have to lay low and remain overlooked.

I began a new diet of nuts and granola,
High-roughage salads, juice, and diet cola;

And as they ate pastries, chocolates, and crepes,
I stayed in my room doing Jane Fonda tapes.

I maintained my weight of two pounds and a half,
And tried not to notice when the bigger birds laughed;

But 'twas I who was laughing, under my breath,
As they chomped and they chewed, ever closer to death.

And sure enough, when Black November rolled around,
I was the last turkey left in the entire compound.

So now I'm a pet in the farmer's wife's lap;
I haven't a worry, so I eat and I nap.

She held me today, while sewing and humming,
And smiled at me and said, "Christmas is coming..."

Happy Thanksgiving

Getting Ready for 2008

I predict the Republicans will be back with a vengeance and retake every, and I mean EVERY political office in the land. At least they’ll raise the quality of political debate to this level:

Self Education Bleg

I know we’ve got a good number of home school folks out there and more than a few math geeks. I need some major input on curriculum for teaching higher level mathematics. This isn’t for Baby Ipsa it’s for me. I never took advanced math beyond college algebra and statistics. I’m finding that I need to be able to comprehend and use more math than I ever thought I would in order to deal with engineers.

What I think I’m looking for is a way to refresh myself with college algebra and progress to Alg II, Trig, and Calculus. Then I need to know how to “hit the high points” with engineering terminology and discover what formulas and concepts are important in various disciplines like petroleum, and electrical engineering.

I would like to do this on my own, without investing in another degree. I have a EE who will help me out with some things but he’s going to cost me a bunch and I can’t afford to hire all this out. Please load me up with info and specifics.

I don’t need to be the next John Nash, I just need to be able to comprehend theory, work comfortably with the equations and program it into Excel, to work up my proposal and not have the math blow up in my face when the engineers get to looking at it.

"Security"

On a business trip, my father approached a security checkpoint at the airport. The National Guard shift was rotating, and a guard, in full uniform, was in line in front of him.

As with everybody else, the soldier was ordered to go through the metal detector. So, as he did so, he handed his M-16 rifle to security personnel along with other items such as handcuffs and a flashlight.

Still, the alarm sounded when he walked through. Further inspection revealed a little Swiss army knife inside one of his pockets.

"Sorry, Sir, but this item is prohibited," security said to the soldier.

Then, taking the knife away, the airport worker handed him back the M-16.

I think that story was written just for fun but I wouldn’t be surprised if it was true. The wife wants to fly to see her folks for Christmas, I'm not in favor of it but I won’t have time off to drive her half way like I did for Thanksgiving.