Job Search, Govt Business Oportunity

Honorable Secretary of Agriculture
Washington, D.C.

Dear Sir:

My friend, Ed Peterson, over at Wells, Iowa, received a check for $1,000 from the government for not raising hogs. So, I want to go into the "not raising hogs" business next year.

What I want to know is, in your opinion, what is the best kind of farm not to raise hogs on, and what is the best breed of hogs not to raise? I want to be sure that I approach this endeavor in keeping with all governmental policies. I would prefer not to raise razorbacks, but if that is not a good breed not to raise, then I will just as gladly not raise Yorkshires or Durocs.

As I see it, the hardest part of this program will be in keeping an accurate inventory of how many hogs I haven't raised.

My friend, Peterson, is very joyful about the future of the business. He has been raising hogs for twenty years or so, and the best he ever made on them was $422 in 1968, until this year when he got your check for $1,000 for not raising hogs.

If I get $1,000 for not raising 50 hogs, will I get $2,000 for not raising 100 hogs? I plan to operate on a small scale at first, holding myself down to about 4,000 hogs not raised, which will mean about $80,000 the first year. Then I can afford an airplane.

Now another thing, these hogs I will not raise will not eat 100,000 bushels of corn. I understand that you also pay farmers for not raising corn and wheat. Will I qualify for payments for not raising wheat and corn not to feed the 4,000 hogs I am not going to raise?

Also, I am considering the "not milking cows" business, so send me any information you have on that too.

In view of these circumstances, you understand that I will be totally unemployed and plan to file for unemployment and food stamps.

Be assured you will have my vote in the coming election.

Patriotically Yours,

PS: Would you please notify me when you plan to distribute more free cheese.

Biblical Headlines

If Biblical Headlines were written by today's liberal media...

On Red Sea crossing:
WETLANDS TRAMPLED IN LABOR STRIKE
Pursuing Environmentalists Killed

On David vs. Goliath:
HATE CRIME KILLS BELOVED CHAMPION
Psychologist Questions Influence of Rock

On Elijah on Mt. Carmel:
FIRE SENDS RELIGIOUS RIGHT EXTREMIST INTO FRENZY
400 Killed

On the birth of Christ:
HOTELS FULL, ANIMALS LEFT HOMELESS
Animal Rights Activists Enraged by Insensitive Couple

On feeding the 5,000:
PREACHER STEALS CHILD'S LUNCH
Disciples Mystified Over Behavior

On healing the 10 lepers:
LOCAL DOCTOR'S PRACTICE RUINED
"Faith Healer" Causes Bankruptcy

On healing of the Gadarene demoniac:
MADMAN'S FRIEND CAUSES STAMPEDE
Local Farmer's Investment Lost

On raising Lazarus from the dead:
FUNDAMENTALIST PREACHER RAISES A STINK
Will Reading to be Delayed

Received from Andy Maslin.

Getting in the Beaver

This is a "beaver". This one was built in 1947. I should have taken a picture of the still mostly original cock-pit. Bush pilots still use them to land on lakes. This is what I was doing on the lake.
This is part of the reason no one has heard a peep out of me for weeks. The other reasons being that game I posted about taking up my online time and I've been in a major funk over the job situation. I thought I had the perfect job lined up and was 99% sure it was mine only to have them decided to try to find someone more qualified. Fishing is more interesting, than my whining. My dad had one of those birthdays that end in a zero this year and my brother and I took him on a fly in fishing trip in Northwest Ontario as a present.

Those are walleye if you can't make them out. The biggest one is only about 24 inches and apx 3lbs. Those are all I caught that night. I also caught a few pike. The fishing was ok. I've done much better with an outfitter that costs a whole lot less than this one and who does a much better job taking care of his customers. I shouldn't complain since this was my first trip to Canada in 8 years. I used to get to go at least once a year but since moving to Wyoming I haven't got to fish like I used to.

A good time was had by all except the fish, whom we ate many of every day.

The Games I Play

I enjoy all kinds of games, everything from cards and board games to video and computer games. Knowing that I also have a tendency to spend way too much time on these things, I have opted not to buy things like a PS2 etc. So to get my fix I'll play a free online game from time to time. That's how I came across a banner ad for Tribal Wars

This is a fantasy strategy game, played in real time (more or less) and set in the middle ages. Build your village, get an army, conquer other villages, join a tribe and meet nice people. Having a little extra time on my hands these days, I've been enjoying myself. If you'd like a great way to waste some time go ahead and join. I'm in world 23, and 20 but 23 is just starting so its a good time to join. You'll recognize me I'm Res Ipsa on k56.

Banking News

Fall of 2002 to mid summer of 2003 I worked for a small (less than $200 Mill assets) community bank. I consulted with them on wholesale sub-prime lending, set up a top notch HELOC program, advised on financial structuring of the holding company and additional related business lines I thought should be acquired. I also managed a branch office so they could move out a manager to a different position. I believe it was in the January officers meeting I made the suggestion that the bank should divest its self of 100% of the Freddie Mac stock in our portfolio.

I was openly ridiculed in that meeting.

My reason for my advice was: 1.) Freddie Mac had advised us that they would be offering additional shares in place of cash dividends. 2.) Fannie May was involved in accounting scandals and it was rumored that one of their defenses was going to be that they had copied Freddie's valuation of earnings technique. No dividends and a good chance the stock was going to take a dive, motivated my sell recommendation.

Reason number 1 had a couple of substantiating points, one since the stock wasn't providing us with dividend payments it failed to meet an established investment criteria of the bank and two the bank had never in the 30 some years Freddie Mac had been in existence sold a loan to them. That last point is a little know banking trivia fact. Most banks own a chunk of Freddie Mac stock because stock ownership is a requirement for the bank to be able to sell loans to Freddie. There is a formula that is used that works out a ratio of stock shares owned to the dollar amount of mortgage loans Freddie will buy.

Unknown to the general public is the fact your local community bank does this so they can sell loans to raise cash on short notice. This is unknown because the local bank normally keeps the servicing rights to those mortgages, and collects about 25bps for servicing the loan.

Freddie is in the crapper and most people have no idea why that is a bad thing. If Freddie goes its going to put the hurt on a lot of little community banks that people think are safe. Oh and the FDIC that susposadly insures your deposits, they have $53 billion in cash to pay claims. There are over $6.84 trillion in deposits and the Indy Mac bail out is going to need $8 billion. Most of those deposits are at risk for a variety of different reasons. For more reasons why the US banking system is on the verge of a big melt down read Mish.

If you want a non-acedemic explaination of whats gong on, I suggest you buy a copy of the Pheromones "Yuppie Drone" ablum and listen to Money Go Round.

Sampling

As a rule, I'm not a big fan of sampling. Sampling is the taking of a part or parts of someone else's song and making into a new song. Run DMC made a hit by using Aerosmith's "Walk This Way", Chris Classic used "Hair of the Dog" (I kinda like that one), anyway you get the idea. While we're on the topic of music, I'm generally not into remaking classic rock songs either.

I'm not sure where Kid Rock falls in my list of non-talents. I don't care for a lot of his work. "Amen" sucks and only the most confused and clouded mind could find some sort of rational meaning in the song. I suppose "Cowboy" is ok. This summer I've found myself listening to a Kid Rock song whenever it comes on the radio and even singing along. "All Summer Long" is a total rip off of Skynard's "Sweet Home Alabama" guitar lick. Normally this kind of sampling is a deal killer for me, but not this time.

"It was 1989 my thoughts were short my hair was long
Caught somewhere between a boy and man,
She was 17 and she was far from in-between
It was summer-time in Northern Michigan"

This song just takes me back. 1989 was a great year for yours truly. I spent spring break kicking around France, making out on the tour bus and posing in pics with girls under the Eiffel Tower. The picture thing might not seem so exciting. A bunch of these girls had bet some other girls back in the states they could get a picture of a French guy "frenching" them in Paris. I was young, I had little pride, and somewhere someone thinks I'm a French guy sucking face with a bus load of American co-eds. I can live with that.

I can't seem to find my photo album, (Mrs Ipsa might have something to do with that) or I'd post some pics of the girls. Back in 89 you had to have a visa to enter France, this is mine.

My mothers family is from northern MI and when the summer rolled around I found myself making my usual trips up north. 1989 was a good year for me and the fairer sex. I was young, had all my hair and was benching around 275.

"Splashing through the sand-bar, talking by the camp fire,
It's the simple things in life like when and where
We didn't have no internet but man I never will forget
The way the moon light shined upon her hair"

"Now nothing seems as strange as when the leaves begin to change"

That fall found me taking out a different girl almost every night, at least on the weekends. Sometimes I'd work in two girls on the same night (at different times, I wasn't that big of a stud). I'd drop off one girl and head up to State and spend the rest of the evening with someone else. That worked too, until the sophomore I was dating there came down to surprise me after work and found me at the park with this red head. That worked out somewhat well as she "discovered" how much she REALLY loved me after she saw me with another girl.

I was doing my normal drop one off, go meet the next one routine one night, when the blond I was with let it be known that there was a great place to park (so we could "talk", mostly about baseball) on the way back to her house and that she wanted me to take her home. I had my second date (a new girl I had just met a week or so before) for the night lined up so I gave new girl a call to let her know I had to work late. When I did there was something about the disappointment in her voice over not seeing me that night and the way she let me off with such grace, that I went back and dumped the blond on the spot. Then I called her back and told her someone else would cover my shift and did she want to get together?

In a weeks time I quite seeing anyone else. I never fell in love so hard. The next spring I took her for a month to kick around Europe together. When she dumped me for a guy she met at U of M, I nearly drank myself out of college. In fact I flunked most of my exams that I showed up for that semester.
Here's the video:



With the exception of catching walleye off the doc, (fishing for eyes was better off the dam) and the party barge full of girls bouncing around, that's pretty much the way it was. That and the "smoking funny things", I was never into that.

The girl? We kept in touch for several years and remained friends, after she had graduated grad school, we even thought about getting back together. It didn't happen. I felt like she thought she would be settling and I couldn't bear the thought of being better than nothing. She finally got married last fall. My folks went to the wedding. I didn't. They said he seems like a good guy. I'm happy for her.

"Or how we thought those days would never end
Sometimes I hear that song and I start to sing along
And think, Man I'd love to see that girl again"

That's not necessary, sometimes its enough to catch a song on the radio and reminisce.