That's My Excuse

Talk about a guy with a unique problem.

Tee-total Texan whose family feared he was an alcoholic cannot stay sober as his stomach turns food into 'beer'.

• The 61-year-old suffers from auto-brewery syndrome
• Blood tests showed he was five times over the limit but had not had a drink
• His stomach turns starchy food like bread and pasta into beer

The 61-year-old Texan is a human brewery and try as he might, he cannot stay sober.

Suffering from auto-brewery syndrome, his stomach produces brewer's yeast that goes into his blood stream, creating the exact same effect as beer. 

He gets drunk the moment he wakes up, at church, at work, or out walking with his family.

Distraught, his wife could not understand how her husband managed to fit his drinking into the day without her even notice.

 A first glance a drunk Texan isn't much of a story.  A drunk Texan that doesn't drink is a head turner.  Apparently Auto Brewery Syndrome is a real, but rare condition.  I wonder what you have to do to catch it.  It would make spaghetti night more enjoyable for me.

The Visit

Update on the grandparents visit, because it's Friday and you don't want to actually do anything other than blog on Friday.

When I woke up on Thursday morning my mother spoke to me.  Dad spoke to me two hours latter.  It seems that my daughter, who hasn't learned to read yet, convinced grandpa that he wanted to read her the description of every toy in the Christmas toy catalog.  Which he did.  That's right, the man who hated to even look at the toys I had circled in the Sears catalog when I was kid, read her the entire catalog.  I don't know what time they started reading together, since I wasn't out of bed, but it took TWO HOURS after I was up for them to finish.  He even seemed enthralled with the toys.

"Oh that looks like a good one honey".  "I bet your brother would like that one".

The man saying those things clearly is not my father.  The only thing that kept me from taking him into mental health is the sneaking suspicion that the toy he thought my son should have, was the drum set.  If Res Jr. gets that for Christmas, I'll be in the loony bin and they might make us room together.

Of Jimmy and Ted

Ted Cruz is getting a little attention for his filibuster in the senate.  Good for him, and good on him for making the effort.  I wish more so called representatives of the American public would stand up and say "NO!" to the looting of the country and the gotterdammerung of western civilization. 

I'm seeing several popular references comparing Ted Cruz to "Mr. Smith Goes to Washington".  In Jimmy Stewart's fine move, Mr. Smith is a naïve do gooder that ends up in DC and gets smeared by the political machine of his day.  In the climatic seen of the movie, Mr. Smith takes the floor to address the Senate, right before they vote to disgrace him and throw him out.  Then and there Jeff Smith takes his stand, good vs. evil, patriotism vs. the pork barrel.  The filibuster is his chance, not to clear his name, but to remind America what it is supposed to stand for and rebuke the congress for what it's become.  

Then the incredible happens, the bad guys confess and the press reports the truth.  The day is saved.  Honor and dignity is restored and good defeats evil.

I love my country and I wish to God that Ted Cruz would have the effect that Jimmy Stewart did.  He won't though.  The bad guys are very open about their corruption, they are proud of it.  The press? The press won't tell the truth.  They are so firmly in the bag for evil that they couldn't tell the truth, even if they could recognize it, which they can't.   The people? As long as the TV and the ipod is working and the government supplied goodies keep coming; they don't care. 

Mr. Cruz is no Jeff Smith.  God bless him for trying.

While You Were Sleeping

Tonight while you all were sleeping something happened. 

Even though it seems like it was just a week ago that my in laws left, my parents showed up.  Of course my parents aren't anywhere as annoying as my wife's are.  My folks are here to see their grandchildren.  Not take over my house.  I suspect my folks will hardly say a word to me that isn't grandchild related.  After all once you make your parents grandparents, your function is to provide food and shelter for the kidos and occasional transport to visit gram and granddad. 

In other news I think we will be taking a trip to do some sight seeing so I may have pics to post next week.

Dear President Obama,

Dear President Obama,

That's how you'd expect a letter to the president of the United States to start.  Apparently that's exactly how Bob Corker started out a letter to the president.  You did know Bob Corker sent the president a letter, right?  No.  You mean you didn't hear about him sending the letter either?  I understand.  With the limitless number of scandals, cover ups and disintegration of American civilization combined with the media black out of news that might hurt Obummer, it can be hard to keep up.

Bob Corker, for those of you who don't know, is the ranking member on US Senate Committee on Foreign Relations.  For some reason he seems to think that Obummer and John Kerry are about to illegally enter into a treaty designed to deprive American citizens of their second amendment rights.

Here is part of what Corker wrote:

Dear President Obama,

It is my understanding that Secretary of State John Kerry will sign the United Nations Arms Trade Treaty (ATT) on behalf of the United States.  The ATT raises significant legislative and constitutional questions.  Any act to implement this treaty, provisionally or otherwise, before the Congress provides its advice and consent would be inconsistent with the United States Constitution, law, and practice.

As you know, Article II, Section 2 of the United States Constitution requires the United States Senate to provide its advice and consent before a treaty becomes binding under United States law.  The Senate has not yet provided its advice and consent, and may not provide such consent.  As a result, the Executive Branch is not authorized to take any steps to implement the treaty.

Gee, I wonder why Corker thinks Obummer is about to do something that Americans, don't want and didn't authorize via their elected representatives in congress?

Fred Says

I'm a fan of Fred.  In fact I would go so far as to say that he is the heir apparent in entertainingly curmudgeons of Mike Royko, another one of my favorite commentators.

As much as I'm sure his piece on The Rabid Bat, will arouse a strong reaction in my friend Professor Hale, I can't resist sharing this tid bit.

Squabbling over specifications immediately began. Lockheed-Martin and Boeing Military Aircraft, both expected to bid, wanted a cruising speed of Mach 13, as this was technically impossible and would allow them to do lucrative design work until the entropic death of the solar system. A time-honored principle of governmental contraction is that if you are paid to solve a problem, the last thing you want is to succeed, because you then stop getting paid. This explains the anti-ballistic-missile program, racial policy, and Congress.

The matter of social consciousness arose. Half of fighter pilots were women, as prescribed by law in 2016. To facilitate gender equity, a bracket in the pilot´s seat was mandated, to hold a telephone book for the flier to sit on so she could see out the windshield.  Since many pilots were single moms, the design included a drop-down changing table in the cockpit.

Give the story a read.  It's funny, in a laugh to keep from crying sort of way.

The Soccer Stars

A teacher at a school for blind kids is taking his school's soccer team to an "away game." They stop for a rest break and to let the kids work off some energy with a little impromptu practice in a nearby pasture. The teacher is sitting in a nearby diner, explaining to another patron how it is that blind kids can play soccer.

"We made a special ball with a bell in it, so the kids can keep track of where the ball is and what it's doing by listening for it. They're pretty good at it, too."

"Very clever!" remarks the other patron.

Just then they are interrupted as another patron, who is looking out the window, says, "Hey! Are you the guy with those darn blind kids from the bus?"

"Yes," says the teacher, stung by the way "his" kids are being referred to. "What about it? You got something against blind kids?"

"Nothing, ordinarily," says the guy, still scowling out the window, "but you better get them rounded up quick! They're kicking the heck out of my best milk cow!"

Bound to Happen

Every once in a great while there is a incident, an exception if you will, that proves the rule. 

Autumnal Equinox

Saturday night I sat out by my garden watching the moon rise.  The sun had gone down a couple of hours before and it was cooling off fast enough to need a jacket.  The breeze was blowing from the west and it had a cold bite to it.  I shifted my chair to a place where the house would offer a bit of a wind break, so I could continue to enjoy the solitude of my last few plants.

Fall has been my favorite season for a long time.  I'm not sure that I've realized that before.  I love the cool crisp air.  The leaves change color.  The stifling hot days of summer give way to brisk breezes that hint of snow.  There are chores that have to be done before winter.  Food to put up, wood to cut, little things that require doing now, so they can be forgot about till next year.  Hunting season is a upon us.  The elk bugle.  The antelope are in rut.  Waterfowl migrate.   I long for the few days I get each year to walk the fields, mountains and forests with a rifle or my shot gun and dog. All the great romances of my life began in the fall.

As the days get shorter and the warm breezes fewer, the time out doors seems sweeter.

Estate Planning

Tom was a single guy living at home with his father and working in the family business. When he found out he was going to inherit a fortune once his sickly father died, he decided he needed a wife with which to share his fortune.

One evening at an investment meeting, he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Her natural beauty took his breath away.

"I may look like just an ordinary man," he said to her, "but in just a few years, my father will die, and I'll inherit 20 million dollars."

Impressed, the woman obtained his business card.

Three days later, she became his stepmother.

Women are so much better at estate planning than men.

Careful What You Wish For.

Six Florida retirees are playing poker in the condo clubhouse when Walter loses $500 on a single hand, clutches his chest and drops dead at the table.

Showing respect for their fallen comrade, the other five continue playing, but standing up.

At the end of the game, Ted looks around and asks, “So, who’s gonna tell his wife?”

They cut the cards. Fred picks the low card and has to carry the news.

They tell him to be discreet, be gentle, don’t make a bad situation any worse.

“Discreet? I’m the most discreet person you’ll ever meet. Discretion is my middle name. Leave it to me.”

Fred goes over to Walter’s condo and knocks on the door.

The wife answers through the door and asks what he wants?

Fred declares: “Your husband just lost $500 in a poker game and is afraid to come home.”

“Tell him to drop dead!” yells the wife.

“I’ll go tell him.” says Fred.

Syria

I have several different thoughts on Syria.  They all follow a similar train. 

We don't have a dog in the fight.  We don't have a reason for pretending we have a dog in the fight.  We don't have any excuse for pushing someone else's dog into the fight so we can get into the fight.  We are lying about the dog we don't have in the fight actually being a dog and we are most likely lying about the chemical weapons. 

Even if we had a dog in the fight and or a reason for getting a dog: Is the man who's greatest accomplishment in life is playing more golf than any two presidents and spending more than $1 BILLION tax payer dollars on his vacations, the guy we want to have lead us into a war?

I wonder how psyched the President of the United States of America is to be acting as the Commander in Chief of al Qaeda's air force?  That is what the US will be doing in Syria.  We will be providing air support for the people who made 9-11 happen.  Am I the only one who thinks this is treason in a time of war?  Forget impeachment why aren't we looking at trails for treason for the entire administration and any member of Congress that is hawking this nonsense?

I guess O's "Muslim faith" is more important than his oath of office.

As someone who grew up during the cold war, I believed the Russians were always wrong.  It looks like they are right this time.  I hate myself for even thinking that.

George Washington was correct.  We should keep our nose out of the worlds business.

Dwight Eisenhower was  correct.  We have a problem with our military industrial complex wanting tax payer profits at the expense of everyone else.

General Smedley Butler USMC was correct, war is a racket.

Even the brain dead, American Idol loving (how's that for redundancy?) American public knows Syria is a bad idea with absolutely no US interests at stake.  How out of touch, and just plain stupid are our political leaders?

Q: If John Kerry and Barrack Obama stared in a movie together what would the name of the movie be?

A: Dumb and Dumber.

Blogger Issues

Blogger is being kind today.  The last couple of times I've tried to post it has refused to let me in the system.

All is well here in Wyoming.  My oldest has had a birthday and the in laws have come to visit for a couple of weeks.  As soon as they are gone posting will return to a more normal schedule.  There are BJW jokes in the queue through the end of November so never fear Wednesday is covered.

Bungee Jumping

Alice and Frank are bungee-jumping one day. Alice says to Frank, "You know, we could make a lot of money running our own bungee-jumping service in Mexico."

Frank thinks this is a great idea. So they pool their money and buy everything they'll need: a tower, an elastic cord, insurance, etc.

They travel to Mexico and begin to set up on a square in a small town.

As they are constructing the tower, a crowd begins to assemble. Slowly, more and more people gather to watch them at work.

When they finish, there's such a crowd they think it would be a good idea to give a demonstration.

So, Alice jumps. She bounces at the end of the cord, but when she comes back up, Frank notices that she has a few cuts and scratches.

Unfortunately, Frank isn't able to catch her and she falls again, bounces, and comes back up again. This time, she is bruised and bleeding.

Again, Frank misses her. Alice falls again and bounces back up. This time she comes back pretty messed up; she has a couple of broken bones and is almost unconscious.

Luckily, Frank finally catches her this time and says, "What happened? Was the cord too long?"

 

Barely able to speak, Alice gasps, "No, the bungee cord was fine; it was the crowd. What in the world is a pinata?"