Marriage has existed as a concept far longer than any human government. Traditionally the relationship is defined as one man and one women in a monogamous sexual cohabitation. Open marriages, polygamy and polyandry occur, but the majority of cases called "marriage" involve the concept of one man, one women in a lifetime monogamous relationship. This definition has existed as an "ideal" even in cultures with wide spread homosexuality and polygamy.
In America, and most of the western world arraigned marriages are rare. Most people choose who they marry. However this has not always been the case. Arraigned or semi-arraigned marriage is very common throughout history.
In my scenario we had a married couple. It doesn't matter why they married, if it was their own choice or by arrangement. What matters is:
- Marriage by definition is a monogamous sexual relationship
- implicitly (explicitly in some cases) holding the promise of sexual gratification
- that they cannot seek sexual fulfillment with anyone else
What if I'm not, "in the mood".
Everybody reading this blog that's been married for any amount of time has had sex/put out when one of you wasn't "in the mood". The experience isn't anybody's best effort in those cases. It doesn't matter if the "experience" is everything you both wanted (its not always gong to be). The fact is it is something human beings need, even if we aren't always on the same schedule.
Marriage is the guarantee that your mate is going to meet your sexual needs, and you are going to meet theirs. "In the mood" doesn't matter. If you are married, don't you bear some of the responsibility for getting "in the mood". If you know your spouse is going to want "IT" why not simply plan for "IT" in your daily schedule?
Don't I have a choice?
You had a choice right up until the day you got married. After that no, you don't have a choice.
But isn't marriage more than sex on demand?
Of course it is. Marriage is the blending of two lives together, in every sense, including propagating the species. The concept of "marital rape" is a way to claim that one person can withhold the basis for marriage whenever they desire. Its a way of saying "we are married in every sense that I find it convenient to be, and none of the ways I do not".
When one person controls the quality and quantity of sex the relationship is prostitution, not marriage. If sex only occurs after/when certain conditions are met, its transactional prostitution. It does not matter who the controller is and who is the controlled.
Polygamy is one way of announcing to everyone that "she's not getting the job done" about the wife. Why that is the case other people may not know, but a second wife or concubine is a clear indication of the first wife's lack of attractiveness/availability in the bedroom.
I find it interesting to note that the bible (which implicitly allows polygamy) prohibits the male form withholding sex from his wife(s). A man was free to take more than one wife, but he could not reduce the marital provision for in material goods, or the sexual provision for the women he was married to. I'm not aware of any other society that shared this principle.
Polygamy was, historically, a way for a man to show off his great wealth by having more than one wife. Men who were able to marry more than one woman and take care of them properly were admired and envied.
ReplyDeleteIt was in some cultures a way to divide up the household duties too. They did not have the modern conveniences we do today, so there was a lot more backbreaking drudgery in the ancient cultures than now.
Then you also had the possibility that wife #1 could not have any children, so rather than shame her and send her back to her family, the husband chose another wife who more than likely could have children. It could also be said that some of those fellows married more than one wife for political reasons too.
That first wife may have been arranged, political or for business purposes. She got taken care of and was treated very well and respected for her position. After that first political style marriage, the man was free to take on a woman for actual love.
This was one reason why Jacob's wife Rebecca was childless for a while. Jacob could not bring himself to love Leah due to the trickery of Leah's father. So until he treated Leah like a wife, Rebecca stayed childless as punishment.
Regarding "in the mood", about the only things that would derail our fun was menses, the flu, or a really bad cold. Otherwise, it was a free-for-all in my home when it came time for bedtime for hubby and myself. He has had it very well, and he knows and appreciates it. There were times though when it was so mindblowing awesome that we could not even think about sex for at least several days. Now THAT is ringing a wife's dinner bell.
So what I hear you saying is that if Mrs. Ipsa wants help with the house work its OK for me to marry a 19 year old just to "help out" with the "chores", right. :-)
ReplyDeleteYou brought a historical POV into this concerning the "why" of polygamy. I think the historical view of the "why" of martial rape has more to do with the radical feminism of the late 60's and 70's than a precedent of men abusing their wives.
Only if you tell us all about the interesting way she takes her revenge when you try to convince her of the "rightness" of this idea. ROFLMAO, big time. If it tops the revenge that Dr. Who took on Nate early on in their marriage, I definitely want to read about it. That story was funny. I am just glad that Nate took it to heart in the way she intended it.
DeleteWhile I was typing my comment here, I decided to double check with wiki on the subject of marital rape. You should do that Res. I was shocked at how long ago this all started. It is very easy to blame the Steinem's, Friedan's and Abzug's of the original feminist movement, but all they did was pick up what the 19th Century harpies had started and put it on steroids.
The women's movement in the 19th century started their agitating regarding coerced/forced sex in a marriage, but it wasn't until the 60's and 70's that the femi's worked to get it criminalized.
Something else I noticed, is that Eastern European nations were among the first back in the 50's to criminalize marital rape. Now THAT fact I did not know.
I just remember the case back in the 70's. It was the first one to make the legal system. I felt so bad for that poor man, he did not have a clue as to what had just hit him upside the noggin. Since back then I had no experience in that area, and my folks were happily married, I had no clue myself exactly what was going on with that couple, and why were they in court. I just knew that it was not right what those harpies were doing to that poor man.
If you want to do yet another followup post to this subject, that wiki page was chock full of fascinating information. I was totally in the dark at how long this evil has been going on in this Country. This Western culture as a whole, really.
I am just appalled at how long this rot has been going on. I doubt that very many people even realize that there were dark forces at work even back in the 19th century. Vox is right about one thing. Liberal women ruin everything.
I'm not going to have time this weekend but I will check it out next week if I can. It's getting close to summer and there are things I want done before the days get nicer.
ReplyDelete