Xmas Pick Up Lines
Are you Christmas, because I want to Merry you.
Let's both be naughty this year and save Santa the trip.
Is your name Jingle Bells, cause you look like you go all the way.
Can I take a picture of you, so I can show Santa exactly what I want for Christmas.
As a little girl climbed onto Santa's lap, Santa asked the usual, "And what would you like for Christmas?"
The child stared at him open mouthed and horrified for a minute, then gasped, "Didn't you get my E-mail?"
It was Christmas and the judge was in a merry mood as he asked the prisoner, "What are you charged with?"
"Doing my Christmas shopping early", replied the defendant.
"That's no offense", said the judge. "How early were you doing this shopping?"
"Before the store opened."
What do you call an elf who sings?
A wrapper!
Why is Christmas just like your job?
You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.
Why does Santa Claus go down the chimney on Christmas Eve?
Because it soot's him
Why are Christmas trees so fond of the past?
Because the present's beneath them.
What do you call a broke santa? Give up yet?
It's Saint-NICKEL-LESS
What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations?
Tinselitis!
Who doesn't eat on Christmas?
A turkey because it is always stuffed.
Why did Santa send his daughter to college?
To keep her off the North Pole
How do you know Arnold Schwarzenegger is waiting in line with you on Black Friday?
He Jingles All The Way.
What do you call Santa's helpers?
Subordinate clauses
Why did Frosty the Snowman want a divorce?
Because he thought his wife was a flake.
How can you tell a family doesn't celebrate Christmas?
The lights are on, but nobody's a gnome.
Whats the difference between the Christmas alphabet and the ordinary alphabet?
The Christmas alphabet has Noel.
What do you call a gingerbread man with one leg bitten off?
Limp Bizkit
Name the child's favorite Christmas king?
A stocking.
What is the popular Christmas carol in Desert?
Camel ye Faithful.
What do you call Santa living at the South Pole?
A lost clause.
How does an elf get to Santa's workshop?
By icicle.
Why did the Grinch go to the liquor store?
He was looking for the holiday spirit.
What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus?
Claustrophobic.
What does Santa bring naughty boys and girls on Christmas Eve?
A pack of batteries with a note saying "toy not included".
By icicle.
Why did the Grinch go to the liquor store?
He was looking for the holiday spirit.
What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus?
Claustrophobic.
What does Santa bring naughty boys and girls on Christmas Eve?
A pack of batteries with a note saying "toy not included".
The Chuck Norris poster reminds me of the NL movie Christmas Vacation. That is a LOT of lights. I know that It's a Wonderful Life is a feel good movie, but for a favorite Christmas movie, you can't beat Home Alone 1/2, Christmas Vacation, and the first two Die Hard movies.
ReplyDeleteThe elevator scene in the first movie always cracks me up. And that look of terror on Alan Rickman's face as he falls off the building? That is actually real terror. He has a fear of heights, so the director played a mean trick on him and made him fall sooner than Rickman thought so he could get that exact look on camera.
With all the scenes in the Christmas Vacation to choose from, I think my favorites were anything to do with the 2 snotty neighbors getting theirs were awesome. From the expensive stereo to the fight with the squirrel after which she goes home and punches her husband.