In a fit of blogging activity I managed to fill up the BJW queue into the first of the year.
In other news I've not been able to bring myself to write the rest of my Losing My Religion posts. It really is that draining. I guess I should just set down and do it but I've not been motivated.
7/29/2018
7/25/2018
BJW Mea Culpa Edition
My bad. I just realized I let the BJW queue run dry. Here is todays edition:
A priest, a drunkard, and an engineer were led to the guillotine for their crimes. The executioner pulled the priest forward first and asked him if he wanted to be facing up or down when he met his face.
"Upward," said the priest. "I want to be looking toward heaven when I die."
The blade zoomed downward, but stopped just an inch short of the priest's throat. All assembled agreed that it was divine intervention, and let the priest go free.
The drunkard was pulled forward next, and decided to copy the priest, hoping he would get as lucky. Again the blade zoomed down but stopped just short of the drunkard's throat. So the authorities released him as well.
It was finally the engineer's turn.
He, like the others, decided to face upward. The blade slowly raised back into place. "Oh, hey, I think I know what the problem is." The engineer exclaimed. "That cable to the left appears to be catching the rope!"
I guess it's not really a bad joke if its true so...
Bonus BJW
Nancy's nephew was 4 when she was pregnant with her first kid. She allowed him to place his hand on her belly and feel the baby kick.
His little face scrunched and said, "How does the baby get out of there?"
She wanted to keep it simple so she said, "The doctor will help."
His eyes widened in amazement as he exclaimed, "You've got a doctor in there, too?"
A priest, a drunkard, and an engineer were led to the guillotine for their crimes. The executioner pulled the priest forward first and asked him if he wanted to be facing up or down when he met his face.
"Upward," said the priest. "I want to be looking toward heaven when I die."
The blade zoomed downward, but stopped just an inch short of the priest's throat. All assembled agreed that it was divine intervention, and let the priest go free.
The drunkard was pulled forward next, and decided to copy the priest, hoping he would get as lucky. Again the blade zoomed down but stopped just short of the drunkard's throat. So the authorities released him as well.
It was finally the engineer's turn.
He, like the others, decided to face upward. The blade slowly raised back into place. "Oh, hey, I think I know what the problem is." The engineer exclaimed. "That cable to the left appears to be catching the rope!"
I guess it's not really a bad joke if its true so...
Bonus BJW
Nancy's nephew was 4 when she was pregnant with her first kid. She allowed him to place his hand on her belly and feel the baby kick.
His little face scrunched and said, "How does the baby get out of there?"
She wanted to keep it simple so she said, "The doctor will help."
His eyes widened in amazement as he exclaimed, "You've got a doctor in there, too?"
7/18/2018
BJW - How Old Am I?
A college professor asked his class a question.
"If Philadelphia is 100 miles from New York and
Chicago is 1000 miles from Philadelphia and Los Angles is 2000 miles
from Chicago,
how old am I?"
One student in the back of the class raised his hand and when called upon said, "Professor you're 44."
The Professor said, "You're absolutely correct, but tell me, how did you arrive at the answer so quickly?"
The student said, "You see Professor, I have a brother; he's 22, and he's half nuts."
7/11/2018
Buckle Bunny Knows
Where is my John Wayne
Where is my prairie song
Where is my happy ending
Where have all the cowboys gone
Well Paula, its like this: Men don't stick around long where they aren't wanted. American feminists pointed and shrieked "men bad" for sixty years. The men quit coming around.
Cowboys are being PC'd out of existence.
Seems to me the Duke had it right.
Twice
BJW - Russian Dressing
"You name it, we'll make it!" Was the big sign outside
the new restaurant on 13th Avenue. "There is no food we can't make for
you!"
"Excuse me sir," said a man with a heavy Russian accent to the waiter, "I vould like please, A Garden Salad with Russian dressing."
"RUSSIAN DRESSING?!" Screamed the head cook, "I'VE NEVER EVEN HEARD OF RUSSIAN DRESSING! WHAT ARE WE GOING TO GIVE THIS GUY?"
"Don't worry," said the owner to the cook, "I'll take care of everything, you just make the salad."
Two minutes later the waiter walked out with a big Garden Salad and a picture of a Russian man putting on his shirt.
"Excuse me sir," said a man with a heavy Russian accent to the waiter, "I vould like please, A Garden Salad with Russian dressing."
"RUSSIAN DRESSING?!" Screamed the head cook, "I'VE NEVER EVEN HEARD OF RUSSIAN DRESSING! WHAT ARE WE GOING TO GIVE THIS GUY?"
"Don't worry," said the owner to the cook, "I'll take care of everything, you just make the salad."
Two minutes later the waiter walked out with a big Garden Salad and a picture of a Russian man putting on his shirt.
7/07/2018
Trump and Judges
I've gotta admit that I'm more than getting my monies worth when it comes to Trump as entertainment. It really is fun to watch him get things done and have Sodom on Potomac in a snit.
Those in the know seem to think that Trump will announce his pick for Supreme Court Justice on Monday. Before he makes that announcement, I'm gonna stick my oar in. I think POTUS should nominate Roy Moore former Chief Justice of the Alabama Supreme Court to SCOTUS.
There are a lot of solid and sensible reasons to have Roy Moore on the Court. Probably more good reasons in favor of him than anyone else I can think of. But that's not why I think Trump should do it. He should make that nomination for shear entertainment value. I know I said I was getting my monies worth now. Half the media talking heads would explode. The other half would curl up and die of despair. 90% of Democrat and 75% of Republican office holders would immediately die of hart attacks on hearing the news. The sound of weeping and gnashing of teeth on college campuses would only be drowned out by the uncontrolled blubbering of bureaucrats and community organizers.
Just think of it...The Senate Conformation Hearing would be CNN gold. The devil will let John McCain out of hell just to side the democrats in opposing Moore. All the Holyweird crowd that promised to move to Canada if Trump was elected, will finally go.
Mr. President, just do it. Think of the ratings. Think of the twitter traffic. Think of the country. Think of the show!
There are a lot of solid and sensible reasons to have Roy Moore on the Court. Probably more good reasons in favor of him than anyone else I can think of. But that's not why I think Trump should do it. He should make that nomination for shear entertainment value. I know I said I was getting my monies worth now. Half the media talking heads would explode. The other half would curl up and die of despair. 90% of Democrat and 75% of Republican office holders would immediately die of hart attacks on hearing the news. The sound of weeping and gnashing of teeth on college campuses would only be drowned out by the uncontrolled blubbering of bureaucrats and community organizers.
Just think of it...The Senate Conformation Hearing would be CNN gold. The devil will let John McCain out of hell just to side the democrats in opposing Moore. All the Holyweird crowd that promised to move to Canada if Trump was elected, will finally go.
Mr. President, just do it. Think of the ratings. Think of the twitter traffic. Think of the country. Think of the show!
7/04/2018
BJW - The 4th
Food, Family, Fourth of July, and Fireworks. The four best F words ever!
What happened as a result of the Stamp Act?
The Americans licked the British!
How come there's no Knock Knock joke about America?
Because freedom rings.
What's red, white, black and blue?
Uncle Sam falling down the stairs.
What kind of tea did the American colonists want?
Liberty.
What was General Washington's favourite tree?
The infantry.
What do you call a redneck bursting into flames?
A Fire Cracker!
What was the most popular dance in 1776?
Indepen-dance.
What does the Statue of Liberty stand for?
It can't sit down.
Who was the biggest jokester in George Washington's army?
Laughayette
Why did the duck say bang?
Because he was a firequacker.
What's the difference between a duck and George Washington?
One has a bill on his face, and the other has his face on a bill
Why were the first Americans like ants?
They lived in colonies.
What do you eat on July 5th?
Independence Day-Old-Pizza.
What quacks, has webbed feet, and betrays his country?
Beneduck Arnold.
What did the fuse say to the firecracker?
Lets get together and "pop it like its hot".
How do you start the 4th of July parade in the ghetto?
Roll a 40 down the street.
What protest by a group of dogs occurred in 1772?
The Boston Flea Party.
Why did Paul Revere ride his horse from Boston to Lexington?
Because the horse was too heavy to carry.
Did you hear the one about the Liberty Bell?
Yeah, it cracked me up!
What do you call a duck on the fourth of July?
A fire quacker.
What would you get if you crossed George Washington with cattle feed?
The Fodder of Our Country!
What did one flag say to the other flag?
Nothing. It just waved.
Which colonists told the most jokes?
Punsylvanians!
True independence and freedom can only exist in doing what's right.
True patriotism hates injustice in its own land more than anywhere else.
Democracy is the government of the people, by the people, for the people.
People have forgotten what 4th of July really is about. Today commemorates the freedom we use everyday. It's not fireworks and parties. That's just what makes it fun.
Let's enjoy one of the last Independence Days before our complete dependence on China.
Let us remember as we fall asleep this Independence Day those who fight and the many that have died to protect our freedom.
Did you hear the one about the Liberty Bell? Yeah, it cracked me up too!
What happened as a result of the Stamp Act?
The Americans licked the British!
How come there's no Knock Knock joke about America?
Because freedom rings.
What's red, white, black and blue?
Uncle Sam falling down the stairs.
What kind of tea did the American colonists want?
Liberty.
What was General Washington's favourite tree?
The infantry.
What do you call a redneck bursting into flames?
A Fire Cracker!
What was the most popular dance in 1776?
Indepen-dance.
What does the Statue of Liberty stand for?
It can't sit down.
Who was the biggest jokester in George Washington's army?
Laughayette
Why did the duck say bang?
Because he was a firequacker.
What's the difference between a duck and George Washington?
One has a bill on his face, and the other has his face on a bill
Why were the first Americans like ants?
They lived in colonies.
What do you eat on July 5th?
Independence Day-Old-Pizza.
What quacks, has webbed feet, and betrays his country?
Beneduck Arnold.
What did the fuse say to the firecracker?
Lets get together and "pop it like its hot".
How do you start the 4th of July parade in the ghetto?
Roll a 40 down the street.
What protest by a group of dogs occurred in 1772?
The Boston Flea Party.
Why did Paul Revere ride his horse from Boston to Lexington?
Because the horse was too heavy to carry.
Did you hear the one about the Liberty Bell?
Yeah, it cracked me up!
What do you call a duck on the fourth of July?
A fire quacker.
What would you get if you crossed George Washington with cattle feed?
The Fodder of Our Country!
What did one flag say to the other flag?
Nothing. It just waved.
Which colonists told the most jokes?
Punsylvanians!
True independence and freedom can only exist in doing what's right.
True patriotism hates injustice in its own land more than anywhere else.
Democracy is the government of the people, by the people, for the people.
People have forgotten what 4th of July really is about. Today commemorates the freedom we use everyday. It's not fireworks and parties. That's just what makes it fun.
Let's enjoy one of the last Independence Days before our complete dependence on China.
Let us remember as we fall asleep this Independence Day those who fight and the many that have died to protect our freedom.
Did you hear the one about the Liberty Bell? Yeah, it cracked me up too!
7/03/2018
Excited? Oh Yeah!
I just paid for something. Anyone want to guess what it is? Here's a hint; I bought it on-line from:
If you said "hunting license", you'd be right. Want another hint? We haven't been able to hunt this in Wyoming since 1977.
This only gets me in the drawing, so its not a done deal. BUT, It feels great to get to at least put in for it.
I think the odds of actually getting a license and getting to hunt are right up there with a lotto ticket. We only get 24 tags and as soon as the female bear mortality limit is reached (2 females) the hunt ends for everybody. But if I can get a tag in the first group and hunt the first week, I'll at least be able to say I got to hunt the most dangerous game in the state.
If you said "hunting license", you'd be right. Want another hint? We haven't been able to hunt this in Wyoming since 1977.
I think the odds of actually getting a license and getting to hunt are right up there with a lotto ticket. We only get 24 tags and as soon as the female bear mortality limit is reached (2 females) the hunt ends for everybody. But if I can get a tag in the first group and hunt the first week, I'll at least be able to say I got to hunt the most dangerous game in the state.
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