BJW - Moose Hunting Eve

Two hunters decide to go moose hunting in Canada. They hire an airplane to drop them off in a remote region.  The pilot drops them off and tells them, "I`ll be back in one week. No more than one moose - got it?"

One week passes, and the pilot returns. The hunters have two moose. The pilot says, "Hey, I told you guys no more than one moose."  One of the hunters replies, "Look the pilot told us the same thing last year and we gave him a `big` tip to take both moose out."

The three of them argue for several minutes more. The pilot gives up and agrees to take both moose.

Well, they load up the moose and fire up the plane. The plane shudders and strains trying to take off. It finally gets the wheels off the ground 5 feet, 10 feet. Whoops! It runs out of runway and smashes into a tree.

The two hunters, dazed and confused make there way out of the wreckage. One hunter looks at the other and says, "Where the heck are we?"

The other looks around and replies, "About 200 yards further than we got last year!"

In Portland, Maine a 500 pound moose jumped off an overpass on route I-95, falling 20 feet to it's death.

Witnesses say they overheard the moose scream before jumping,  "Hey Rocky, watch me fly over this guardrail!"

Q: What has antlers and sucks blood? A: A moose-quito!

One day a fisherman was lying on a beautiful beach, with his fishing pole propped up in the sand and his solitary line cast out into the sparkling blue surf. He was enjoying the warmth of the afternoon sun and the prospect of catching a fish.

About that time, a businessman came walking down the beach, trying to relieve some of the stress of his workday. He noticed the fisherman sitting on the beach and decided to find out why this fisherman was fishing instead of working harder to make a living for himself and his family.

"You aren't going to catch many fish that way," said the businessman to the fisherman, "you should be working rather than lying on the beach!"

The fisherman looked up at the businessman, smiled and replied, "And what will my reward be?"

"Well, you can get bigger nets and catch more fish!" was the businessman's answer.

"And then what will my reward be?" asked the fisherman, still smiling.

The businessman replied, "You will make money and you'll be able to buy a boat, which will then result in larger catches of fish!" "And then what will my reward be?" asked the fisherman again.

The businessman was beginning to get a little irritated with the fisherman's questions. "You can buy a bigger boat, and hire some people to work for you!" he said.

"And then what will my reward be?" repeated the fisherman.

The businessman was getting angry. "Don't you understand? You can build up a fleet of fishing boats, sail all over the world, and let all your employees catch fish for you!"

Once again the fisherman asked, "And then what will my reward be?"

The businessman was red with rage and shouted at the fisherman, "Don't you understand that you can become so rich that you will never have to work for your living again! You can spend all the rest of your days sitting on this beach, looking at the sunset. You won't have a care in the world!"

The fisherman, still smiling, looked up and said, "And what do you think I'm doing right now?"

Two Newfies are moose hunting all day, finally they shoot a moose. They start dragging it out of the bush but are having a hard time. Finally a fellow hunter comes up and says "Hey, you know if you drag the moose the other way with the grain of the fur it will be a lot easier. The two newfies say "Hey good idea! So they start dragging it the other way, well about 2 hours later one newfie looks at the other and say " Hey this was a good idea, it is easier this way. The other newfie say, "Yeah but we keep getting further away from the truck.