Schism

I’ve gotta admit I’m something of a contradiction of nature. My fathers side of the family is 100% pure breed southern hillbilly going back prior to the days of the state of Franklin. What you don’t know about the state of Franklin? Ya’ll must of went to a public school. One of my forbearers was given a piece of land there as repayment for his service to his country.

My mothers side of the family is 100%, brace yourselves…….from the north. They’re not really Yankees, being a Yankee would involve a certain amount of class, they’re more northern white trash (NWT) than Yankee. Here’s how it breaks down by family:

	Ma’s	Pa’s
DUI	Gotta have beer to drive	Yep
Jail time	Yep	Yep
Bastard children	Folks get married?	Yep
Moonshine’n	Yep	Yep
Elected to public office	Nope	Yep
Kilt while hunting	Yep	Nope
Old fridge on the porch	Yep	Don’t everybody?
Car on blocks in yard	And in the fields	Yep
Bath tub in yard	Yep	Yep
Coon skins dry’n in the house	Since 1917	Not since the 60’s, dang the feds
Brand of cigarette	Pal Mal	Marlboro
Born on a plantation	Nope farm	Yep
Picked cotton	Nope, field corn by hand	Yep
Share cropper	Yep	Yep
Cheated cause didn’t read good	What's "read"?	Lost the plantation that way

Now you’d think with that kind of blood line I’d be happy just about anywhere, cept in a city, and you’d be mostly right. The problem is food. See something’s just ain’t the same and that’s what causes me problems.

	Ma’s	Pa’s
Ice Tea	Unsweet	Sugar is what you add the water to
Corn bread	Lots of sugar	Sugar goes in cake and tea
Weird food	Chicken feet	Pickled pigs feet

Now I can eat corn bread either way, depending on my mood and what’s for dinner. I admit it I’ve eaten all manner of nasty crap set before me and called food but I lean towards the chicken more than the pigs feet. I’ve never been a fan of sweet tea, if I want sugar I’ll drink a soda. Today I was making up a big 2 gal jug of tea and be darned if I didn’t automatically reach for the sugar to pour some in. It must be the southern genetics taken over.